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to be a bit fed up of 'natural' parenting?

(142 Posts)
TeapotsInJune Sun 09-Oct-11 19:19:53


Before I start, can I just explain I am 100% behind anybody's choice to make decisions that suit them and their lifestyle and (unless those decisions are actually harmful) really am not too bothered what they are.

I had my first baby in June and joined a couple of parenting and pregnancy boards in anticipation of this. It's entirely possible that I've just been looking in the wrong places but lately I've been getting a bit grumpy by the implications that I'm doing things wrong with DD.

I am currently breastfeeding which is fine - it has been easier than I anticipated - but I don't want to babywear. I'm certainly not bothered if anyone else does but the one time I allowed DD to be wrapped in a sling by somebody she was soaked with sweat and she cried miserably. She just appears to prefer her pram. I also don't want to co-sleep and I don't want to do BLW either.

Please tell me there are other mums out there who will give their DCs pureed mush, put them in their cots and their prams.

I'm tired of feeling like a pairiah! sad

pandorasbox21 Sun 09-Oct-11 19:22:47

I had never even heard of the term babywear until I came on here. Dont do anything you dont want to and tbh I have never heard anyoe comment on how a child is fed or where they sleep. I think its a bit of a myth thing you see on the net

DogsBeastFiend Sun 09-Oct-11 19:25:18

Here's one!

To add to my crimes I didn't breastfeed either. grin

I didn't fancy the restrictive earth mother bit. All power to those who do but it wasn't for me. A few years ago all that you've said would have been perfectly normal... and for some of us it still is.

Just concern yourself with what works for you, don't let anyone tell you that you#re wrong or make you feel inferior. Anypne who does is likely to have way too much time on their hands and not be a very nice person to know to boot.

Mishy1234 Sun 09-Oct-11 19:26:07

You need to do what feels right for you and your baby. If you do that, then imo you are doing what feels natural for you.

There's no point in doing something just because someone has told you it's the right thing. How can one way of doing things suit all babies? Each baby is completely different and it stands to reason they require different approaches.

TeapotsInJune Sun 09-Oct-11 19:26:55

Thank you!

I don't think there is anything actually wrong with any of it but even just saying "I had a sweaty, miserable baby!" brings out the tigers.

I just wish I could say honestly, "this is what we do" without feeling like I have to justify myself all the time ... I am guessing I need to get used to this though, right? grin

effingwotnots Sun 09-Oct-11 19:29:59

I have people call me a hippy brcause I still bf ds who I'd 15m and co sleep. We only co sleep btw because it is easier than him screaming all night the grumpy little shit.

However blw is one if messy nightmare for us and literally nothing goes near his mouth. Spooned mush all the way. Never babyworn either. Just not my bag. I'm sure he won't grow up deranged because of this, well pretty sure.....bear

AlwaysRocking Sun 09-Oct-11 19:30:02

I know what you mean, I have tried several slings with dd and the truth is she just hates being closed in. She wont co-sleep, I guess for the same reason as she likes to have space to stretch and fidget! She is 5 mo now but has always been like this and I do get upset that she is somehow missing out on bonding time. I think we all just have to do what we and our babies are comfortable with and not get too hung up on other peoples opinions. Easier said than done, I know. smile

NinkyNonker Sun 09-Oct-11 19:30:16

Erm, your way is the norm, what are you on about?

DogsBeastFiend Sun 09-Oct-11 19:30:31

You could consider getting used to saying, "Bugger off and mind your own business you judgmental old boot, you parent your way and I'll parent mine" instead of just getting used to it! grin

(Tried and tested response, works well and creates much flouncing).

ladyintheradiator Sun 09-Oct-11 19:31:23

Some people feel very defensive about their choices and feel that any other choice is somehow a criticism of them.

However most people don't really care what everyone else does... :-)

isthisweird Sun 09-Oct-11 19:32:12

Don't worry about it at all!

A mother's place is in the wrong, no matter what you do someone will think you're doing it wrong and will judge you.

If you were babywearing (shudder), BLWing and co-sleeping someone would accuse you of delaying your babies development, putting them at risk of choking and placing them in danger of being suffocated.

I'm surprised you've only found one 'type' of parent, tbh. You definitely need to stop bothering with message boards you don't agree with.

TeapotsInJune Sun 09-Oct-11 19:35:27

I know - one started off reasonably 'normal' but then started to be taken over by people still wearing their 8 year olds (joke!)

So there are other mums and babies who don't like babywearing? Thank goodness! I'd be scared of tripping over ...

Uglymush Sun 09-Oct-11 19:38:57

I'm a new mum to be. I must be terrible as I plan to go back to work 4 if not 5 days per week after 6 months, I will not be co-sleeping (petrified I will roll on to baby in the night) if anything I hope baby will be in his/her own room from night one (as I was). I do not intend to have a sling, a pram is much easier imo. Do you know what else I may actually enjoy a night out or weekend away in the first 6 months and leave baby with my mum. Oh contact social services on me now!

hairylights Sun 09-Oct-11 19:39:38

Oh god. I hate the word "babywear" it's really cringeworthy. I was asking pram advice recently and was told I could "exclusively babywear" instead. I felt like saying "erm no, I'm asking for advice on prams".

I also know a Mum who is going around persuading peole to do EC - ie: not put nappies on during the day - from birth. She is also using up to 7 re-usable nappies a night on a 10 month old - surely one or two disposables a night is environmentally preferable to that?

NinkyNonker Sun 09-Oct-11 19:41:06

But again, you are very much in the majority, so where do you find all these 'babywearers'waiting to leap on you?

Uglymush Sun 09-Oct-11 19:41:08

I may be niave but what is EC? Surely that is totally unhygenic for everyone in the home?

TeapotsInJune Sun 09-Oct-11 19:42:58

NinkyNonker, I know what you mean, in real life I chat to the odd lady with a buckle style carrier and that's it.

However, I don't have many friends with children and so I've been exploring the cyber world to try and make some smile This is where I've met all the babywearers!

AlwaysRocking Sun 09-Oct-11 19:43:02

Teapots- glad I'm not the only one who was worried about tripping up and squashing the baby! I fall over a lot, probably just as well dd hates the sling...

ladyintheradiator Sun 09-Oct-11 19:43:15

Are you seriously unsure if there are other people who don't use slings? Don't you get out much?

NinkyNonker Sun 09-Oct-11 19:43:17

Not at all, there's loads on the web. I haven't done it but a friend did, her 11 month old is dry night and rarely goes in a nappy when out. It is about spotting cues apparently.

pommedechocolat Sun 09-Oct-11 19:44:33

I think the idea of subscribing to a style of parenting is an odd idea. It all depends on the individual baby and what they respond to ffs. ARGH.

QueenOfFeckingEverything Sun 09-Oct-11 19:45:57

'Babywearing' is an utterly wanky term, but the act of carrying a baby round in a sling is just common sense to the many many parents who have babies that dislike being put down.

And I agree with the point that the way you are doing things is basically the norm. I go to baby group every week and I am the only one there who uses a sling, BF past 12m, bed shares, etc - I don't feel remotely pariah-ish because of it though, I just let other people get on with what they feel is right for them. Nobody there has ever said anything that makes me feel uncomfortable about the way I do things. You just need to be confident with what you are doing and get on with it with your head held high.

TeapotsInJune Sun 09-Oct-11 19:47:33

Ladyintheradiator - like I say, I don't have many friends with children. I don't know why as I am 31 so not a young mum but most of my friends don't have them yet. I don't have a very big family either so haven't been accustomed to having lots of babies around.

We do try to get out of course which is one reason I've joined a couple of forums to try and meet other mums with babies and most of them seem very keen on babywearing, co sleeping etc. and seem very eager to 'convert' me. It does all get a bit irritating. Anyway ...

hairylights Sun 09-Oct-11 19:48:12

ugly it's something To do with not using nappies ... Some theory about learning when your baby needs to go and pointing them at the loo/letting them Poo/wee where they are confused - a hideous idea IMHO.

I agree with pommed surely the best way is adaptability and what works.

QueenOfFeckingEverything Sun 09-Oct-11 19:48:22

And yes, 'parenting styles' are a ridiculous notion.

You have to just do the stuff that works for you and sod the rest.

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