My partner works a full time, outdoors, manual job and cooks (9 meals out of 10, anyway).
I am on Mat. leave, to raise our baby, and I clean.
DS (7m+) is the proverbial 'good baby', relaxed, happy, etc! I love our little man with all my heart, but every once in a while I would like for DH to at least offer his services... And give me a break!
DP plays with DS and gives him cuddles & bedtime kisses etc. He is not a completely absent father! But, the minute a whinge or a cry comes along, he hands him back. He only deals with grumpy child when I need (I mean need) to shower, go to the shop, or (in 7 1/2 months, have 3 times) demand a couple of hours in bed in the morning.
He only changes him if I request it (perhaps once every other weekend).
He has never bathed him.
He has taken him 4 or 5 times for a walk (either back in record time, or takes him to his parents, where he will leave them to do the majority of baby-entertaining while he checks out his brothers new Xbox games... I have called him to check baby before and been told 'I don't know, he's downstairs with my mum'.)
DS will only sleep with a BF... so for DP to put him to bed just wouldn't happen, especially if he knows I am just in the next room with a perfectly good boob. When really tired he will go to sleep for other people but only once quite recently has it lasted more than half an hour and that was for my mother. At 8 weeks he slept through the night but now with teething wakes 3-4 times a night again (so I deal with all of that, while DP sleeps on).
Once a week, now that he is on 3 'meals' a day, DS goes to M-I-L's for a day (usually about 11am-5pm depending on sleep & feed times). While he is out I do all the big chores that are hard to get done in the rest of the week like cleaning the bathroom... And then get a few hours peace. Yesterday, I (and DS) went to help my parents with an event and while DP was home alone he did precisely NO chores until I came home and reminded him what stick he gave me when I tried the same on my "day off". We then both did then together, him reminding me along the way how quick and easy they are... Ehem. No comment!!
I have tried not to make a fuss because he does work really hard, from an early start, comes home knackered and usually wet/dirty/both. But i am expecting to go back to work in a month or two, and DS will be coming with me (I work for my dad, saving childcare costs...) at least half of the time. I don't think I can physically do my job as well as all the baby-care and cleaning. I don't know if I am being unreasonable (I know I am not perfect, with endless patience and a shiny halo in mothering terms..) and should buck up and do my 'half'.
On the other hand if I'm not being unreasonable; I don't know how to bring it up with DP, in the past he has been sympathetic and promised to do more (I've tried twice, he still will not OFFER help only do what I ask of him...) but i don't know how an ultimatum situation "I cannot do all this and work!" will go down... In my mind I see myself after a few weeks of working; a shivering, crying, anorexic wreck and him with a baby at arms length going 'well it was your idea to go back to work!!'... it wont be that bad... I hope...
Once recently while bemoaning my day, (which are monotonous and long; if not as hard as some new mums) DP actually said "You know no-one believes you don't you?" So I have pretty much stopped airing my opinions on DS's activity, he is really a good baby on the whole...
So, essay over... AIBU?
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AIBU?
To think DP should have a little more input?
36 replies
mmmerangue · 09/10/2011 09:13
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