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to be a bit downhearted that men always seem to prefer my sister?

(58 Posts)
theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:17:12

Bit of background. She is a 2 years younger and married. I am divorced but in a good place with that, quite like being single really. Neither of us have dc.

We go out together quite a bit and I would say we are probably of equal attractiveness. I love her to absolute bits. When we go out she is quite flirty and doesn't always volunteer that she is married, which if fair enough, up to her. I just find though that if we ever start chatting to anyone, they always seem to prefer her. I will be doing fine until she joins in and then without fail attention will turn to her.

Me and a couple of mates went out a few nights out, just a quiet drink and I got talking to someone, he took my number and all was good, dsis arrived and it became clear he was more interested in her, he hasn't called me but has found her out on FB and messaged her.

Sadly this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened and it all feels a bit crap really.

GeneralCustardsHardHat Sat 08-Oct-11 09:18:41

You're trying too hard and it's probably showing. No one likes a bitter misog, so lighten up and enjoy life before it passes you by.

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:20:13

Can I ask what a "misog" is please?

grin that you managed to get that I am trying too hard from what I have posted.

GeneralCustardsHardHat Sat 08-Oct-11 09:22:36

Well it's only because i've been there myself as my sister is the more conventionally attractive out of the two of us and has the confidence and personality to back it up too. You'll no doubt be doing a very subtle rolly eyes or sigh or your body language will change when she's around and your confidence will slip so no doubt you over compensate.

Just be comfortable that you are you and if the men go for her then they're just not good enough for you, move on.

Misog is a misery guts.

CristinadellaPizza Sat 08-Oct-11 09:25:08

misog = misery guts

What do you want? To be chatted up or to have a relationship? Because IME, chatting up in clubs is just flirting. That's what they and she are interested in but I'm assuming you're not.

Clubs and bars are really not a great place to find someone to have a LTR with

PeterSpanswick Sat 08-Oct-11 09:25:41

I'm sure they don't really prefer her to you!

If she is still married she might across as more confident in her exchanges with men while out and about because she is already committed and therefore not hoping for anything to develop with them. You could be a little more concerned about how you are being perceived while she can chat freely and without inhibition as she has nothing to gain except friendship etc and therefore nothing to lose.

Obviously I don't know either of you but often notice the difference between my single and married friends' general demeanour on a night out and think this is the reason.

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:26:34

grin really I am not a "misog". And we do actually bounce off each other very well. We have a very similar sense of humour, no one makes me laugh like she does and the night only gets better when she turns up. Probably right about the body language changing due to confidence slipping but it wasnt something I was aware of.

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Oct-11 09:26:48

Could you go out with other friends? It must be very hard for you. I wonder whether, especially as she's not admitting to being married, whether she is more flirtatious, yet knows she doesn't have to follow through with anything?

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:28:28

No I am not really interested in a relationship tbh. Had enough of those and do actually prefer to be single but yes I do like to be chatted up and the initial number taking etc.

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:30:19

ImperialBlether I do think it is that, she doesn't particularly like people to know she is married and will not volunteer the information, though she and her dh seem really happy and I honestly don't think she is looking for anything.

scuzy Sat 08-Oct-11 09:31:28

i find that men are attracted to you if you are not trying .. as in having a laugh with your sisterand friends, smiling, joking. listen she is married so unless she is cheating its only flirting. enjoy times out with your sister its lovely that ye are so close. just be more confident in yourself!

themightyskim Sat 08-Oct-11 09:31:50

I had a friend like that, turned out that the vast majority of men that came to chat to us either thought that she was easy or found that I was less confident so talked to her instead

And before everyone starts pouncing on me for the easy comment, that usually became an issue at the end of the night when they tried to take her home, not just my judgement

I just stopped looking for men in pubs and clubs tbh and am very very happy two years on smile

manticlimactic Sat 08-Oct-11 09:33:51

If you're in a club the bloke probably thinks they've got more chance of getting into her knickers so they switch allegiance. grin I had the same when I used to go out with one of my attached flirty friends and I asked a bloke why he ignored me once she arrived and that was his answer. Mind you it might have just been that one bloke.

Oh and I thought misog was short for misoginist not misery guts on here - you learn something new every day!

AttillaTheMum Sat 08-Oct-11 09:34:51

Am I the only person who thinks your DSis Is being very unfair to her dh. I think you would all have a different opinion if DSis was a man

manticlimactic Sat 08-Oct-11 09:35:08

x post with skim there. Might not have been that one bloke.

ggirl Sat 08-Oct-11 09:35:14

Simple !
It's because she flirts with men.
It makes them feel good and confident that they won't get rejected if they pursue.
Men are terrified of being rejected.

scuzy Sat 08-Oct-11 09:38:01

ggirl she is married so i am presuming they will be rejected.

if they are messaging her on fb if i was her husband i'd be pissed off tbh.

themightyskim Sat 08-Oct-11 09:39:53

manticlimatic deffo not just the one bloke lmao smile

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:39:59

I just always think that they like me until the slightly younger, slightly more attractive version comes along. The guy that messaged her DID know she was married by the end of the evening btw.

kiwimumof2boys Sat 08-Oct-11 09:40:17

Haha - I have the same problem because my sister is gay - and very friendly ! I think the fact that she is so charming (and very attractive) but completley not attracted to them makes men try harder iyswim ?

scuzy Sat 08-Oct-11 09:41:11

OP turn it around ... note how she acts and take notes!!

Oggy Sat 08-Oct-11 09:46:11

Sounds like your sister is just a naturally more charismatic person than you.

I don't mean this as negative about your looks or personality, you can be the most beautiful, intelligent and funny person but charisma is something that just draws people to you for no explicable or obvious reason and you can't learn it or even define or understand what it is.

I understand how frustrating it can be when you are not that person (I am not naturally charismatic so I really do) but it will never change because you can't learn it or acquire charisma, you either have it or you don't.

My sister and me are like you and your sister in this respect. It used to upset me but now I am older and wiser I see i for what it is and just get on with it.

So YANBU to feel how you do because I understand, but you are better off accepting it. The more you appear uptight about the attention your sister receives the less appealing it will make you. It will become a vicious cycle.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 08-Oct-11 09:46:35

Don't want to blow my own trumpet or anything but I always get more offers when I'm not single- sods law innit? Think it's coz I'm not trying to get anyone's attention so therefore I'm having only focusing on having a good time IYSWIM.

That isn't to say I think you are desperately trying to hook a bloke. More that maybe you shrink into your sister's shadow when she's there because you assume everyone is more interested in her. Whether they are or not. I can relate in a way except that it was my childhood friends that thought my older sister was the dogs bollocks. They all wanted to be her friend and I seemed to get left out.

theratherplainersister Sat 08-Oct-11 09:49:47

I can honestly say I do not get uptight about it, its just how it is, I probably go a bit quieter but thats because I can't get a word in!

You are probably right about her being more charasmatic than me. However interestingly the men that I have had LTR with have never shown the slightest bit of interest in her and ex H told me that I was much more attractive between the two of us. So maybe its a "type" thing. Maybe she is just more peoples "type" iyswim.

Oggy Sat 08-Oct-11 09:55:39

Sorry, theratherplainersister, uptight was probably the wrong word.

I may be totally wrong. Just drawing on my own experiences and, to an extent, I see the same in my two children as well although as they are boy and girl it isn't so starkly obvious IYSWIM.

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