I have 4 healthy, beautiful (if rather horrid at times) DCs, a handsome DH who I love immensely and still fancy after 18 years, my good health, a reasonably intelligent brain and errmm, that's it.
I also have no job, a mountain of debt, no home (we are living in temporary council accommodation, don't ask), a 10 year old car which needs more work on it than it's worth, a toxic family who I am estranged from, not a friend in the world (apart from DH) and I am pretty fat!
So as you can tell, the first half (more or less I hope) of my life has not gone as planned . We had money, then lost it unluckily, together with my mental health but hey, that is all behind me now. I have been a victim of my own anxieties for quite a few years now but I am determined to face them down from now on.
The loneliness is self inflicted. I have not liked myself for so long, I have not been able to accept that anyone else would. I have come to realise after some therapy that I am not as unlikeable as I thought (actually I am bloody lovely) and do deserve friendship. No idea how to start rectifying that at this age though! I would like to take up a hobby but have no idea what.
AIBU to ask you all to give me hope and inspiration to help me start changing my life so the next 40 years do not turn out like the last 40?
I want to turn the page although I am grateful for my shit experiences in a weird kind of way. All the better to enjoy the good things that come next hopefully . Any experiences or wise advice would be much appreciated! It seems like I have a mammoth hill to climb so a kick up the butt would be good.
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AIBU?
FUCK - I'm 40 in a few days.................
31 replies
NewBeginningNowBeginning · 07/10/2011 21:43
OP posts:
FearTricksPotter ·
07/10/2011 22:04
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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