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AIBU?

Reporting incident on school bus....

28 replies

MittzyTheVixen · 07/10/2011 21:26

DS came home today absolutely incensed;

a lad on the bus (year older then DS I think, yr 10) keeps 'slapping girls arses' and from what I can gather, grabbed a year 8 girl and forced her to sit on his lap for the duration of the journey.

DS said he is a 'filthy perve' and shouted at him, DS and the girl don't get on but he was still furious, the girl is from what I know a little troubled and has a shaky background.
The lad then started to threaten DS, and he admits he was glad he stood up to him but a bit troubled by the lad, who apparently isn't one to cross, until another girl backed DS up and joined in which I think diffused the focus off DS. (because the lad realised others were standing up to him).

I am torn... I want to report it, am proud of DS and for the girl, I think this lad needs some serious 'talking too'..

I am a bit of a wuss and get filled with self doubt...so am I interfering? my gut says yes but should still do so because if the girl doesn't talk to anyone it can escalate on so many levels. How do I do it without making life difficult for DS? He stood up to the boy so it is going to look so obvious where the information has come from?

DS has come along way on a difficult journey and I'd like to balance doing the 'right' thing with not plunging him into the middle of something.

I know I am a muppet but I don't have anyone to talk things like this through with and would appreciate others thoughts...

OP posts:

Report

stripeybump · 07/10/2011 21:27

I love your DS, what a dude!

stripeybump · 07/10/2011 21:30

I don't think you should report it though - keep talking to your son and if it happens again, or escalates, maybe consider reporting it. It does sound like there was a good amount of positive peer pressure against the boy's behaviour.

BatsUpMeNightie · 07/10/2011 21:31

Until the time when he no longer cares about peer pressure or does it when there's nobody around to exert pressure. I say report - you could be helping to stop the development of something worse.

worraliberty · 07/10/2011 21:32

Is there a member of staff at the school that you really trust?

You could tell that person what you told us but make it clear you don't want your son involved.

The teacher can easily pull the boy in and say it was 'witnessed' by someone on the bus...they don't have to say who.

troisgarcons · 07/10/2011 21:33

"School bus" or one that is frequented by school children?

caughtinanet · 07/10/2011 21:34

I would report it.

I'm sure the school won't say where the report came from, the parent of any child on the bus could have done it and maybe will do. Even if my DD wasn't involved but I was told about it I wouldn't hesitate to speak to whoever at the school is responsible for the bus.

GumballCharm · 07/10/2011 21:36

Get in there! I defy you NOT to report this...girls getting sexually harrased and assaulted??? Get on the phone!

MittzyTheVixen · 07/10/2011 21:38

it is a general public bus that does a school run..

he is a dude , thank you.

I would want someone to if it was my DD, and am aware of that gut feeling.. just never confident if I am doing the right thing IYSWIM..

OP posts:

larks35 · 07/10/2011 21:39

What does your DS think? If I were you I would definitely report this to the school and let them know the other witnesses too. TBH even without reporthing this your son may find he is subject to problems just because he stood up to this boy at the time but if the school are made aware of the incident then hopefully they will deal with it and monitor any repercussions.

It is kind of up to you and your DS but he will be guided by what you think in the end I imagine. As a teacher at a secondary school and good friend of several Heads of Year here I know they would want to know about an incident like this as it usually escalates if not dealt with at the time.

GumballCharm · 07/10/2011 21:40

Of course you sould report it! It sends the wrong message to DS if you don't.

What if this was a man...an adult...doing this to women in the workplace?

troisgarcons · 07/10/2011 21:41

Buses have CCTV - you should go directly to the bus company as well as the school.

If you son was threatened in anyway because of his intervention then you should go to the police.

HOWEVER ...... the girl may also decide to make a complaint BUT the girl is from what I know a little troubled and has a shaky background. thats an odd phrase to put in.

larks35 · 07/10/2011 21:43

Good on your DS btw. It is so brave for teenagers to go against the grain in that way and I always admire it when I see it.

NorfolkBroad · 07/10/2011 21:44

Please report this. Those are serious incidents and ought to be treated as such. Bats I totally agree. If this boy thinks he can get away with this behaviour then it may well escalate.

Your DS is fantastic by the way. I would be so proud of a my DC if they spoke up like this.

ScarlettIsWalking · 07/10/2011 21:47

You have raised your son well.

PigletJohn · 07/10/2011 21:49

"keeps 'slapping girls arses' "

If he keeps doing it then the school should be made aware. Tolerance for an isolated act of silliness does not apply here.

troisgarcons · 07/10/2011 21:52

"keeps 'slapping girls arses' "

Surely the girls will/have complain/ed? Are they telling their parents? or telling their HOY?

I still want to knwo what this has to do with anything the girl is from what I know a little troubled and has a shaky background. is she uncared for?

Bellavita · 07/10/2011 21:56

You are not a muppet Mittz!!

I would report it to the school - maybe the deputy.

Well done your DS.

mothmagnet · 07/10/2011 22:02

Well done to your son, he sounds great.

Yes, report to the school and tell them to keep it confidential. At least ask them to log it in case there are further incidents.

weeonion · 07/10/2011 22:03

mitzz - good on your son for not being a bystander to assault. That took courage and well done on him for challenging it.

This need reported. If you know about this and dont - then it is collusion in a situation that must be stopped. I think it was the NSPCC research last year that highlighted how much sexual harassment girls put up with every day at school.

If this particular lad 'keeps' doing it and it remains unchallenged by adults, then his behaviour and boundaries could well slip into more and more abuse.

I used to do work in / with schools on these issues and I'm pretty sure the school would want to be involved. This is their issue and it is not up to your son and other pupils to deal with. they have done their bit and now it is time for adults to intervene.

bethelbeth · 07/10/2011 22:04

I'm waving the 'What A Gent' flag for your son Mittz. You should be proud. But definitely definitely back him up.

hiddenhome · 07/10/2011 22:06

The boy is assaulting these girls and he should be made to face up to his disgusting behaviour as soon as possible otherwise he'll just step it up and it'll escalate. You should report it.

rhondajean · 07/10/2011 22:06

I think her point was that the DS felt the girl was vulnerable because she has some problems and that he ought to step in to protect her - which is brilliant.

BOOareHaunting · 07/10/2011 22:10

Yes definatly well done mitzz DS

I agree with all the above - report. If this girl has a shaky background maybe she needs someone who does care to stand up for her?

angelinterceptor · 07/10/2011 22:15

My friend reported an incident to the school which was taking place on the bus.
The school were great about it and all got sorted fairly quickly.

You Must talk to school next week.

Your son sounds great.

readsalotgirl · 07/10/2011 22:54

You should be very proud of your son - and of yourself as you've obviously doena fab job of bringing him up to be a decent, caring young man. However you should report this to both the school and the bus operator - this is assault. Also the bus driver has a responsibility to ensure the safety of the passengers and the bus company should be informed that the driver is not doing that part of the job properly. There will be CCTV and as others have said anyone could have witnessed and reported this.

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