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To think The Lurkers out there should step forward into the light?

(124 Posts)
AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 20:04:43

What is it with this bunch of sinister rabble?

Sweatily huddled together, muttering and sighing to themselves in the shadowy corners of MN.

Watching with wide eyes and adrenaline pumping as yet another OP goes down with five or six posters snarling and ripping at the fleshy parts of their dilemma, whilst another bangs the back door on their arse.

Occasionally tempted to post by particularly juicy dreadful threads, the innocent start their posts 'I'm usually just a lurker, but...' takes on a different meaning when you have the knowledge it's a sign to others of their ilk that The Day of Reckoning is near.

On the appointed day, it has been prophesised that The Lurkers (who outnumber posters 6 to 1) will be stirred from their graves self doubting insecurity and kill us all horribly all take the plunge to post at once, this will set in motion a state of affairs so terrible, I tremble at the power.

So let's have a look at you while you reassure us the rumours aren't true.

Or maybe someone who's escaped this groups clutches can enlighten us as to the reason they decided to live this shadowy existance, and how they managed to break away?

Either way

<invocation-like>

SPEAKETH LURKER! REVEAL THY EVIL PLANS!

worraliberty Fri 07-Oct-11 20:07:01

Bugger off, I'm not really here hmm

floosiemcwoosie Fri 07-Oct-11 20:07:07

Have you been at the gin again?

dowhat Fri 07-Oct-11 20:08:26

Oh get a fucking life (like the rest of us noble lurkers already have)

AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 20:10:14

I have floosie blush

But only the one so far, I'm pacing myself smile

I can see you worra, and that adonis you have massaging your feet <all seeing>

floosiemcwoosie Fri 07-Oct-11 20:12:06

go on....share then and make it a large one

AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 20:19:18

<pours floosie a home measured triple>

(no ice, no slice, as they impede drinking speed)

I wouldn't know how to go about getting a life dowhat, don't you think I would have done by now if I could??!

At least I can say that I never lurked.

Yes, I was scared.

Yes, I got flamed.

Yes, my arse hurt after it'd had that flaming.

But I posted, and I'm still here to tell the tale...just grin

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Fri 07-Oct-11 20:34:08

It was the trail of naice ham, it lured me out... that and a link to the Middle Ages thread and the Pom Bear thread in Classics and I was lost...dragged out from behind the arras and into the cold harsh light of day

YoFluffy Fri 07-Oct-11 20:41:11

Hold on, isn't there another thread tonight actually ordering people to lurk until they post, kind of like an enforced forum apprenticeship? Can't have it both ways....

AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 20:46:38

See Yo?

It'll be The Lurkers misinformation thread, trying to harvest people before they post sad

<nods at the power of the Pom Bear>

You can be safe in the knowledge you made the right choice PB.

(As you're here PB, do you think the people who make Pom Bears saw a sales spike when that thread was active? It certainly made me buy them.)

I will admit to muttering and sighing, but unfortunately I am not huddled sweatily or otherwise with anyone.

<<retreats into shadows>>

floosiemcwoosie Fri 07-Oct-11 20:51:13

Okay i will admit it, i used to be over on the dark side but i too have since had my erse rattled

PandorasSocks Fri 07-Oct-11 20:51:14

<steps out, blinking, into the harsh lights of AIBU>

...ahem... hello

<scuttles back into the lurky shadows>

TootaLaFruit Fri 07-Oct-11 20:54:12

Lurking. Happy. Lurking again.

<I was never here. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh>

poppygolucky Fri 07-Oct-11 20:55:11

Long term lurker and occasional poster here.

I stick to the shadows and carry a gun. Not really, of course, just like that line. Truth be told, i admire regulars from afar and watch bemused as newbies dive headfirst in to a pit of shit with their astoundingly naive/stupid posts.

I'd contribute more often but have thumbs like a cack-handed ogre and cannit use my bastard touch screen with any speed or dexterity.

Arachnophobic Fri 07-Oct-11 20:56:46

I neither post regularly nor lurk.

I am somewhere in-between.

Call me what you will, I don't give a shite.

Arachnophobic Fri 07-Oct-11 20:57:24

inbetween

Pollykitten Fri 07-Oct-11 21:01:12

lurk scuttle lurk - am intimidated by the bright lights!

AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 21:05:15

Arachnophobic, you're a twat.

grin

There. That wasn't too bad was it?

But you've got such brilliant names!

I need to know if other people saw you squirt the perfume up your nose?

And was there a translation mistake and all the evils in the world actually emanated from Pandoras sock?

Don't I recognise your name Toota? Apologies if you're in diguise?

AgentZigzag Fri 07-Oct-11 21:06:03

Come hither little kitten...

<snatches Polly from evil clutches>

jumpyjan Fri 07-Oct-11 21:06:18

OP is that a real statistic about lurkers outnumbering posters 6-1 or am I being gulible.

Pollykitten Fri 07-Oct-11 21:08:51

Is it always this existential on here?! I only joined MN recently, far too scared to post usually - you lot are doing nothing to allay my fears!

cheekeymonster Fri 07-Oct-11 21:09:54

We are ALL in disguise, it is near the witching hour - and halloween apparently confused

Barbeasty Fri 07-Oct-11 21:13:22

I don't know about a sales spike when the thread was active, but I think someone at our local Waitrose must be on here- the Halloween display has Pom Bears.

mothmagnet Fri 07-Oct-11 21:15:51

It's too easy to lurk (on aibu), and like watching tv, my mind is never clear enough to form a writable opinion, let alone one I could defend in a flaming. And I keep changing my mind.

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