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(11 Posts)
louisawhitegenius Fri 07-Oct-11 14:38:03

Hi everyone, looking for some advice please!
I have just found out that a close friend of mine's partner has been cheating on her for months, possibly years sad I found out through another friend of ours who thought I knew. Anyway, she 8 months pregnant and this all came to a head about 4 months ago. She knows he has been cheating on her throughout their 5 yr + relationship and during her pregnancy and it's obvious she has chosen to forgive him. I am so sad that she felt she couldn't tell me and that she has been shouldering all of it while pregnant. I have been a victim of a serial cheater myself and know the embarrassment and hurt it causes. My question is should I let her know that I know or continue as i nothing has happened?

Sewmuchtodo Fri 07-Oct-11 14:46:21

It depends on how close you are to her.

I have several close friends but one best friend who I confide in. Perhaps she already has support and does not want anyone else knowing/judging etc? Also you have 'been' the victim of a serial cheat... im assuming you are no longer together? Perhaps she assumes you would encourage her to leave when she wants to stay?

Everyone has a different views on life and for all I would leave someone like this perhaps she feels like their relationship can work.

KaFayOLay Fri 07-Oct-11 14:47:41

Only you know how your friend may react.

If it was me, I'd say nothing smile.

In the past, I told a friend that her partner had given another woman an STI (prior to meeting her) and she should get herself checked out ... Chlamydia, so could do her much damage.

It ruined our friendship of 10 years sad.

louisawhitegenius Fri 07-Oct-11 14:56:07

thanks for your replies! we are pretty close and have many mutual friends. I completely understand why she didn't tell me.
Sewmuchtodo no, we are no longer together and I also never had children with him. I totally support her in whatever she decides (although I will have to restrain myself from ripping her partner a new one!) just sad for her and hope she really is ok

louisawhitegenius Fri 07-Oct-11 15:00:49

KaFayOLay i think you are right, i will prob say nothing...there is a possibility she may tell me in the future so i will be there for her then. The truly rubbish part is i don't think he will change. have known him for many years but thought he had changed his ways...obv not sad

Sewmuchtodo Fri 07-Oct-11 15:02:59

It is very sad, but I think you are doing the right thing smile

mumsamilitant Fri 07-Oct-11 15:16:37

Hard one at knowing me it would want to "burst" out of my mouth. But the right thing to do is probably to sit on it and see if she tells you.

louisawhitegenius Fri 07-Oct-11 15:25:59

does anyone have advice on whether i approach him or not? have known him longer and feel like i should tell him what a dickhead he is! you wouldn't believe the lies he has told, this is not just a shag...this is promising ONE of the woman he has cheated with that he would marry her and that he wasn't in a relationship with my friend (they've lived together for 3 years) and that he only found out my friend was pregnant last month from a pic on facebook (THEY decided to try for a baby this year & knew she was pregnant at 4 weeks!) and that he wasn't even sure if the baby was his! aaaaggghhhh what a knob head!!!

BruciesDollyDealer Fri 07-Oct-11 15:59:23

She knows he has been cheating on her throughout their 5 yr + relationship

and she still got up the duff?

she knows what he is like and is choosing not only to stay with him, but to drag innocent babies into it as well. She is as bad as he is in my book

louisawhitegenius Fri 07-Oct-11 16:04:54

sorry BruciesDollyDealer but she found all this out when she was 4 months preg, my bad for not explaining better!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 07-Oct-11 16:05:37

You're best advised not to approach him either - she's obviously enamoured and if you rip him one, he may poison your friendship.

Sounds like she may have misguidedly thought that a having a babyeee will cement their relationship; all you can do is stay schtum and help her pick up the pieces when the inevitable happens.

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