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To not meet up with friends for lunch as it doesn't fit with DS's routine?!

(84 Posts)
allibaba Thu 06-Oct-11 22:16:41

Or I am being a bit precious? (pls be nice now..)

It would involve my 3 really good mates and their DH/DP's meeting up, possibly for lunch about an hour from where I live. Only 2 of us have children (of the same age - 18mo) but my DS is V active toddler and the other DS is not walking yet.

My DS is teething badly as mo, really needs his lunchtime nap (12-2pm normally) and is inconsoluable if he doesn't get it. I should mention that he doesn't sleep in his pushchair when we're out as there's too much going on for him to look at. Makes our life easier to plan things around his routine but when I mentioned this to one friend (who doesn't have kids) that we might not make it because of this she got a bit funny with me.

AIBU to say no and not go?

squeakytoy Thu 06-Oct-11 22:18:57

You are being very precious... go out, have a good time, and your child will be fine.

caughtinanet Thu 06-Oct-11 22:19:00

Not unreasonable at all, when my DCs needed a lunchtime nap I didn't go out with friends as it wasn't fair on the child and no fun for me or friends.

Before I had children I probably wouldn't have understood but I would put my childs needs first now.

HornySwoggle Thu 06-Oct-11 22:20:37

You're being precious

Bohica Thu 06-Oct-11 22:21:21

You can't post in AIBU and ask us to be nice grin

Could the lunch be moved about so that you son's nap can be taken during the hour car journey?

dexter73 Thu 06-Oct-11 22:22:20

Well if he is going to cry all the time then YANBU as it probably wouldn't be much fun for anyone. Might be an idea to meet up when he isn't teething.

Bluebell99 Thu 06-Oct-11 22:22:21

Yes you are being precious! He will probably sleep in the car on the way over. When my ds was around that age, he would always sleep in the car, and when we arrived I would just stand him gentlely up and away he would go. Whereas my friend would always carry her dd into the venue and make a huge fuss when she awoke startled and panicked. I think you should go and enjoy seeing your friends, sure you ds will be fine.

LingDiLong Thu 06-Oct-11 22:22:31

I would give it a whirl but have DH on standby to take him off home for a nap if he becomes inconsolable. You never know, the distraction of other people and a different place might see him through and he won't miss the nap too much.

plupervert Thu 06-Oct-11 22:22:38

They won't be the ones to suffer for it, but you (and your DS) will, so it should be up to you. They are being a bit mean/ignorant to be off with you.

Tigresswoods Thu 06-Oct-11 22:22:56

I know exactly what you mean. DS 19m is the same. However if it is about an hour there & back I would consider this perfect as he could/would sleep in the car there and back.

This theory works if you are going by car.

cyb Thu 06-Oct-11 22:23:11

You are being over precious, and your friends wont thank you either

One day of not having the routine will not a disaster make

Alibabaandthe80nappies Thu 06-Oct-11 22:23:42

You are being precious.

Won't he sleep in the car on the way?

verytellytubby Thu 06-Oct-11 22:23:49

You will regret it looking back! I did.

He can sleep in the car. Enjoy the lunch, says someone who used to take a happy child from the park home to sleep as I was obsessed with naps..

Hassled Thu 06-Oct-11 22:23:59

I'm well and truly on the fence here and it's a dilemma I've grappled with myself.

On the one hand - it is INSANE curtailing your life for the whims of a baby, who might randomly decide not to nap that day anyway. Once you start refusing to leave the house between certain hours, you're effectively handing control of your life to your child. And that whole mindset will last for years. You're in charge, your baby isn't in charge, and you shouldn't forget that. And you'll end up with no life of your own and you'll blame either your baby or your partner for that.

On the other hand, life is just so much easier when your child has had the requisite nap. They're nicer, you're nicer, not worth risking all that for the sake of a lunch.

Have I helped ?

AnyCorpseFucker Thu 06-Oct-11 22:25:22

When your kid has moved on from this stage, you will seriously regret putting your life on hold


Eglu Thu 06-Oct-11 22:26:01

You are being a bit precious. If it only because of the teething then I can understand that when he is particularly cranky you may want to give it a miss. But if it is an absolute no to going out during your DSes nap ever, then that is ott.

Sirzy Thu 06-Oct-11 22:26:12

Arrange to meet at 1 so he can sleep 12-1 in the car.

KatieMiddleton Thu 06-Oct-11 22:26:27

If it's an hour away will he sleep in the car? Perhaps go earlier to give him his 2 hours or meet at 2pm after his nap.

But yes, it is a bit precious. Sorry.

caughtinanet Thu 06-Oct-11 22:29:28

Passing on a lunchdate when your toddler is teething is hardly "putting your life in hold". Why would the OP regret prioritising her child's needs ?

allibaba Thu 06-Oct-11 22:33:40

Take the point about the car and that he will probably nap when we're driving over there. But would also point out that this will probably be a meal in a nice restaurant and I'm still not there yet with ignoring the other people tutting as I have the toddler who refuses to sit at the table.

Also am 7mo pg with No2 so v hormonal and v prone to worrying about things like this!!

AnxiousElephant Thu 06-Oct-11 22:34:19

With dd1 I would have responded YANBU because we had the same routine and the same issue with pushchair sleeping and she was my PFB grin.
However, now with my not so PSB YABU smile.

I would put little one to bed in the AM having got said lo up earlier than usual i.e. instead of 7 get up at 6, put to bed at 10-11 then go out for lunch for 12 iyswim. He will be fine! If he is in the car later he will probably sleep anyway smile having only had an hour to put him on. If not it isn't the end of the world.

With dd2 we learned that routine was good but we had to ensure we got her used to sleeping in the buggy when required!

Sirzy Thu 06-Oct-11 22:35:24

It sounds like you have made up your mind so postpone it until you are in the frame of mind to do it. Although may becOme even harder when you have two!

FabbyChic Thu 06-Oct-11 22:35:25

To be fair I never done anything that got in the way of my kid's routines when they were under 1. But I worked full time so it was a bit harder to manage anything as it were, in fact my whole life has been run around my children.

AnxiousElephant Thu 06-Oct-11 22:36:10

Alibaba how can an 18 month old refuse to sit at the table? confused Use a high chair! Take some books, colouring, a jigsaw to entertain him!

AnxiousElephant Thu 06-Oct-11 22:37:31

You can always play cbeebies on youtube if required! grin

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