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To ask for help here regarding emotional overeating because the weightloss board is quiet?

(16 Posts)
ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 20:47:24

Have put this in the Big/Slim topic too but it's about more than just weightloss...

In May I was 11stone, training for a marathon and a completely dedicated shredhead. I ate sensibly and rarely drank. I was toned and finally happy with my body. I had got down from 18stone within a year. It was tough but addictive and I was so proud of myself, felt brilliant.

Then in June my husband announced his affair, left me and turned into cockhead extraodinaire! At the same time my horse died. My routine and world fell to bits.

After a couple of weeks eating virtually nothing (but hitting the bottle hard) I started comfort eating.

Since June I have put on 2.5 stone and virtually given up exercising. I managed the GNR but haven't run since and haven't spent anytime with Jillian since June

I just cannot stop.

Before my weight loss my eating habits were shocking but I truly thought I'd made I change for life, I am so angry with myself (and DH, though we are now working things out) for slipping back into my old ways.

The awful thing is, I know EXACTLY what I am doing, and why I am doing it, but it's compulsive, I just can't stop.

I view food as a reward and a treat and have been justifying my appalling binges by thinking about what i've been through, and how I deserve a treat. It has nothing to do with hunger.

EVERYday I think 'i'll start tomorrow, i've done it before', but when next day rolls around I think 'just one more binge, then I'll start'.

I'm not grazing on stuff in the house...I deliberately go out to buy shit and eat it, on my own, in the car. I am so ashamed...the amounts I eat are horrific (i.e. whole cheescake/ 6 packs of crisps/ 2 McD's meals) and most of the time I don't even enjoy what I'm having. When big-shopping I buy sensible stuff so I don't have anything bad in.

I'm on a high level of ADs and things are working out at home with DH (though he hasn't moved back in) so the 'crisis' stage is over, I'm not anxious or suicidal and I assumed my eating and exercising would improve when things calmed down but they've got worse, I've NO motivation...maybe it's the ADs?

I saw my GP today and she has referred me for counselling, says comfort eating is very normal after what I've been through. But with my history of being obese I am terrified of going back there.

Sorry it's so long. Anyone been through similar...what helps???

MangoMonster Thu 06-Oct-11 20:50:38

I'm sorry I don't have anything helpful to share but I think counselling could help. You're not alone, trying to resolve it is a great initial step, wish you all the best.

aldiwhore Thu 06-Oct-11 20:55:38

Not been there but lordy I feel for you, you're still hurting.

I'm an emotional eater, I eat to celebrate, soothe, commiserate, reward... virtually any emotion has a food attached.

Obviously the thing to do is stop. Start running again, and give yourself a programme, however, it will always be tomorrow if you don't get your emotions on the way to healing. Have you really confronted your DH's affair? Have you talked it out so much its verging on boring now where there's nothing left to say? (Not sure if that's a bona fide cure but it works for me - make it dull, it will start to heal itself)

I can't really offer you any advice you won't already know. But I do know that although MY diet is working, when I'm at target I'll be working at keeping it in check forever.

You HAVE made ONE change for life, so don't feel a failure, you CAN make another. Lets face it, when you changed your eating first time around you weren't in emotional crisis were you? You are now, its a different set of rules, so you haven't 'failed' or fallen back into your 'old ways' you're simply confronting a new situation that's knocked you for six.

Sorry for the long post, and one with such little advice! I can't think of anything to say that isn't patronising (you poor bloody thing keeps cropping up in my mind!) so will sendvirtual sincere hugs. x

JeremyVile Thu 06-Oct-11 20:57:43

I'm sorry, I dont know what to advise but just wanted to say sorry about what you've been through, sounds really crap and I'm not surprised you're finding it hard.
But you're AMAZING!You lost 7 stone in a year! And trained for a marathon!
AMAZING, honestly!
And you are so much closer to 11 stone than 18.
Maybe it needs to be a case of Motivation Follows Action rather than the other way around? You know how good you can feel when youre really going for it, you CAN get back to that again.

ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 21:02:05

Thank you! I do feel ok about the whole affair (well, not 'ok' but as good as possible); we are in relate and he is being absolutely perfect and it couldn't be going better considering the circs. That could be part of the reason I've lost my motivation; he keeps complimenting me and telling me he loves me all the time so I just think 'he'll love me if I binge and get fat too, so no need to worry'.

But, of course, it still hurts like hell and is on my mind a lot. It'll affect me forever I don't doubt.

Thanks for the hugs...could you manage to get your arms round me grin !

ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 21:03:27

Thanks jeremy I suppose I feel so low about the whole thing because I KNOW I can do it...so why aren't I????

aldiwhore Thu 06-Oct-11 21:09:40

Pfft, I've been a fatty most of my life sweety, I can do hugs, even if I can't reach all the way round wink

And JeremyVile your post is brilliant, and absolutely true.

Thepickledgerbil (fab yet weird name) instead of thinking "He'll love me if I binge and get fat so no need to worry" try thinking "He loves me now, and he'll love me when he sees the fabulous me again even more, not the one who eats shit in secret and has shame and self loathing written all over my face!"

Whatever you do, do it for YOU. Not for him sweety, not for anyone else (not judging by the way, I'd say the same to someone who was married to perfection personified!) you know you can do it.

A fucking marathon?????!!!

ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 21:17:27

Half marathon blush !!!

It's bizarre he left me only after I'd got slim, having spent 5 years with me around 18stone. But I honestly don't think theres much in that...he's never ever commented positively or negatively on my weight.

I felt sooo good when I was fit, I remember the feeling, I want it back...why do I sabotage myself. I know how and what to eat and exercise, just don't.

All the new 12/14 clothes I bought are too tight sad (though I suppose that's a bit of motivation because I can't afford any new bigger clothes as I've spent all my money on crisps and cheesecake blush ).

jellybelly101 Thu 06-Oct-11 21:43:04

I really feel for you, you've been put through some awful emotions. As someone who eats their feelings I can empathise. Counselling is a great idea. Also hypnotherapy can help. There's a uk download site, I think it's Hypnosis direct which have some useful downloads which can help your resolve, self confidence or anxiety quite a lot. ( I used one to help with some anxiety problems and they were a useful crutch)

Also, maybe try ready reading the beck diet solution. It's a day by day one step at a time guide to dieting which really addresses head stuff and baggage around dieting.

Best of luck. You've been through hell. Give yourself credit for what you're managing in your life at the minute.

Smadarama Thu 06-Oct-11 22:03:33

OP - you have done so well,and it's not surprising that you have found it hard recently but I think by posting here you are saying that things are going to change and you're going to nip this in the bud.

I remember seeing Paul McKenna demonstrate a technique to deal with emotional eating on his 'I can make you thin' show. It involves tapping yourself in a particular sequence. Sounds a bit odd but apparently it is a tried and tested therapeutic technique. I can't properly describe it here but if you google 'Paul McKenna tapping' you will find instructions.

Good Luck ....I'm sure you can turn this around.

ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 22:28:03

Ah, yes I have the PM stuff, never gave it a fair crack as I was doing well on SW but too ashamed to go back there. Will dig out PM.

I also cringe when I remember how evangelical I got about diet and exercise. If you search for my old nn on here (no I'm not telling ya!) there's loads of posts smugly advising how best to diet and how easy and fun exercise is if you just make the effort.

Pride before a fall hmm

momnipotent Thu 06-Oct-11 22:39:09

OP, I feel for you. I AM you!

Up until about a month ago I was in exactly the same situation, eating like there was about to be a food shortage and I needed to stock up. Most of it done in secret. I was going up and up and up on the scales, I had to buy new clothes blush but I couldn't seem to stop myself. And yet, I have lost a lot of weight before, a few years ago!

I decided the day the kids went back to school would be my new start. I ate like you wouldn't believe in August. September 6th my new life started. I decided I wasn't going to follow any specific diet, I would change my eating patterns. I was already vegetarian so I became vegan. I also went back to running (I was up to about 15K before, I had to repeat my Learn to Run sequence). And I also kept track of everything on myfitnesspal.com. The combination of things seems to be working - the running earns me extra calories on MFP, which means I get to eat more, so that motivates me to run. Eating well makes the running easier so that motivates me to eat well. And a lot of my frustrations and stress are worked out while I run. Wins all around!

But if you trained for and ran a half marathon, then you already know all this. It will not work if you are doing it for someone else, it will only work if you are doing it for you. And the first day is the absolute hardest. I found once I was through the first day it got easier, I had shifted away from my habit of waking up and eating chocolate, kwim? A month later, I am down almost 15lb, running almost 5K (not constant running yet, but getting there), feel FABULOUS.

I KNOW that you can do this, and you know that you can do this too.

momnipotent Thu 06-Oct-11 22:40:23

blush
Now I feel like I am coming across all evangelical, I don't mean to.

ThePickledGerbil Thu 06-Oct-11 22:51:08

Haha, yes, I think I may have posted something similar aimed at others in the past grin

But it's encouraging to know you've been through the same up/down cycle and are back on top. It can be done.

The very few times I have been out to run, i've felt sooo much better for it and any breathlessness or struggling on the run helps me resolve to stop overeating. So you are bang on about the running being an almost cure-all.

I was just so good at sticking to things before this...if I decided to run 10k on tuesday, I would come rain or shine, and I did 30ds religiously 3 times!

Now I am the queen of excuses and the only person I let down is me confused

aldiwhore Thu 06-Oct-11 22:59:21

I'm at that broken promise stage, though I have never run more than a metre! So you're already better than me!

Its that first step I guess. Like writing an essay and you get stuck at the title and paragraph plan! (child of the 80's do people still do paragraph plans??)

fidelma Thu 06-Oct-11 23:01:03

every city has oa groups over eatters anomonys (sp?) they will help give you the support you need.

H A L T why are you eatting hungry,angry,lonely,tierd ?

get help, get support it is a very well knowen condition.

Good luck x

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