To not want my PIL to stay...(12 Posts)
When my DH is not going to be here?
Our DD was born in June. PIL want to stay for a week in Novermber, it will be the first time they have seen DD and would have been the first time they had seen DH in over a year as they live abroad.
DH found out today he will be away with work for the entire time the PIL are here. I love my PIL and get on with them very well, but I haven't met them that many times due to them living so far away and I feel nervous about them staying when I already have a young baby and other children, not to mention dogs etc to look after and I really don't feel I can be a good host to them alone.
I have asked DH to try and get them to change the dates, that they may not want to stay when he is not here (I am sure they'd like to see him too!) but he says they won't be able to change their plans and they want to see DD.
Is it awful to tell them it is too much for me and they'll have to make it another time?
If they've already booked flights then yes, it would be awful. Unless they are awful people, you need to just deal with it. It is only 1 week!!!!
Just make sure you are clear about what you will and won't do for them BEFORE they arrive.
When they get there, arrange for them to take turns in preparing dinner, etc. Have their bedroom ready before they arrive, and then don't touch anything in there until they leave.
Under no condition make them endless cups of tea/coffee. Set up the area so that they can easily make their own tea and coffee and leave them to it.
DON'T molly coddle them, don't be a door mat, and enjoy having some grown ups to talk to, and someone who would love to cuddle your DD while you have a shower, etc.
DO go and buy yourself a nice nighty and dressing gown (Buying 2 for their room wouldn't go astray, either, just in case. You really don't want to see them in flimsy sleepware!!!!!!).
Make sure you have some comfortable slouchy clothes to put on that you wouldn't feel embarrassed to be in with them around.
PS - I speak from experience. My ILs have been here while DH has travelled. They have always done their best to give me time to myself, but they know I'm not going to fuss around them. When DS1 was 5 weeks old I asked FIL to hold him while I did something in the kitchen. He held him for 2 hours on his lap whlie DS1 slept, and was just so overjoyed to have that time with him.
DH hasn't spoken to them yet, but insists they will still want to come and all his Mum cares about is seeing DD. Their flights are booked, but I'm not sure if they can change them.
They won't need to make tea of coffee, it's more bacardi and coke from 11am. I wouldn't call them alcoholics or anything, but they do drink an awful lot. They wind one of my dogs up too.
I suppose I just don't feel I know them well enough/have the sort of relationship to be able leave them alone for hours a day while I walk my dogs, or to expect them to cook meals etc. I'd feel rude.
ybvvvvu they havent met thier gd and they want to spend time with her,make the most of it,as others said dont fuss after them,they wont get to see any of you for awhile,1 week isnt going to harm anyone,make plans to do things so your not all stuck in house(back up plans if weather is crap)enjoy it,dont look at it as a chore.
I'm going to disagree with everyone - don't do it. They're his parents, he needs to help out when they're with you. Would he like to spend a week with your parents when you're not there?
I also think YANBU. From waht you say about them it sounds like a horrible week for you.
I doubt he would be happy to enterain your parents on his own whilst looking after your DD so why should you be. Also if he now has to be away for work then I presume he didn't book anytime off work for when they are coming & was expecting you to look after them during the day and I would not be particularly happy about that - this situation could have been avoided had he taken some time off.
If he can't rearrange his work to be there he should rearrange his parents.
I met my mother in law for the first time just after my first son was born.
We don't speak the same language and my husband had two jobs!
It was lovely. we clicked. We had a ball. I quickly loved her.
What I am saying is - it might be great!
I don't blame you, YANBU. If you knew them well, might be different. I wouldnt expect this of dp and he wouldn't of me but then our PIL are a whole new thread
Thanks for the replies.
DH has spoken to them and MIL says they wouldn't miss seeing their DGD for anything. I feel too mean to tell them they can't come and there's no way DH will ask them to change their plans (or to not drink all the time whilst here!) so the visit is going ahead.
On the bright side, my Mum has suggested she come and stay while they are here to help me out, which is wonderful of her and hopefully a nice time will be had by all.
I do really like my in laws, but the drinking irritates me (to be fair to them, they are never obviously drunk) as do certain other things, but I think that's to be expected because different families have different ways to each other.
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