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People doing u-turns on their ideas/morals once they've had children.

(36 Posts)
Hammy02 Wed 05-Oct-11 12:36:55

I used to work with a woman that was setting up a new department and made it very clear that there would be no part-timers on her team. A year or so down the line, she had a baby and guess what, she went part-time. She then had the cheek to moan that she hadn't progressed in her career having gone part-time!

Hullygully Wed 05-Oct-11 12:37:55

I have never ever ever heard anything like it in all my born days.

Pakdooik Wed 05-Oct-11 12:37:58

Isn't that called "life"

loveglove Wed 05-Oct-11 12:39:38

Children are the biggest deal in life and change it completely as well as changing our outlook about loads of things, so it's not unreasonable that her stance has changed so dramatically.

She was unreasonable for her stance on part timers.

Callisto Wed 05-Oct-11 12:41:00

I think that most people will agree that having a child is a life-changing event which makes us take a close look at ourselves and our priorities. And those people who refuse to change their lives because they have had a child always strike me as being rather selfish and childiish.

It's because you often don't have a clue what you're talking about when you've no experience of a situation.

Before I had children, I would pontificate long and loud on child-rearing <cringe>

It's amazing how much I knew hmm

Of course, when I actually had a child, much of it went out of the window.

I remember, for example, snottily claiming that my child would never have a dummy <double cringe>


Riveninabingle Wed 05-Oct-11 12:41:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRubyBlue Wed 05-Oct-11 12:43:54

I think it also known as never make a sweeping statment as it will always come back to bite you on the bum.

My friend regularly sounded off about how women 'accidentally' get pregnant in this day and age etc etc and how unlikely it is etc etc.

She accidentally fell pregnant a few months later and just shut up about it then. grin

mistressploppy Wed 05-Oct-11 12:44:17

She is BU for not being embarrassed for changing her mind so dramatically and moaning about career progression.

Everyone gets their arse bitten once they've actually had kids ("my life won't revolve around the baby, he'll have to fit in with us" - yeah RIGHT) but most of us have the humility to say, oh, I see now that I was being a dick

Trills Wed 05-Oct-11 12:44:51

Sometimes people their minds. New developments cause a rethink. If this bothers you, consider how much damage is being done to the world by people for whom new evidence does not cause a rethink.

Trills Wed 05-Oct-11 12:45:49

So YABU to be annoyed (it's very sensible to change your mind when new evidence comes to light or when circumstances change) and also YABU because you have not asked an AIBU question.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 05-Oct-11 12:48:55

You live and learn.

And parenthood is one of the biggest teachers of all.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Wed 05-Oct-11 12:50:14

Oh fucking hell Hully I'm meant to be working not sniggering like a loon.

Hullygully Wed 05-Oct-11 12:52:14

Me too, Jenai

mamalovebird Wed 05-Oct-11 12:55:29

I have fallen fowl to doing this....

'The baby won't change our lives, he can fit in with us' - hahahahaha
'I won't be taking everything plus the kitchen sink away with us, he'll have to find other ways to entertain himself' - cue boot full to the brim to avoid boredom whingeing

I use to think pregnant women used to milk being ill, until I was pregnant myself and realised how awful it can be.

Birth plan, no pain relief, water birth etc etc. Real life, gas & air, epidural, forceps, stirrups.

I won’t lose my temper, I’ll just sit down and rationally talk to my DS about whatever it is he’s upset about blush

I used to only but organic free range meat, until I discovered nursery fees cost the same (at first even more) than our rent.

I used to think grimace at screaming toddlers going into meltdown on the bus, now it's me when my DS decides he wants off the bus, NOW!

We live and learn.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 05-Oct-11 13:27:03

>I have fallen fowl to doing this....
Very apt, MamaLoveBird grin

horribledinners Wed 05-Oct-11 13:34:21

I used to be really into politics, to the extent of being 'actively involved' in the socialist movement. Now i have children and, honestly, i couldn't give a shit about any of it grin

TobyLeWolef Wed 05-Oct-11 13:36:55

Hahahaha! My sister is a few weeks off having her PFB. I have begged her to write down all the things she's adamant she will or won't do, seal them in an envelope, and open it in a few years' time. grin

SinicalSal Wed 05-Oct-11 13:40:28

Same thing happens when you tip over from being n adolescent to an adult. Jesus, my parents stopped being no-nothing irrelevances practically overnight.

SinicalSal Wed 05-Oct-11 13:40:56

know-nothing, oops

gordyslovesheep Wed 05-Oct-11 13:42:57

person changes view shocker - oh my goodness

TheControversialJessie Wed 05-Oct-11 13:44:02

I'm going to make your friends, family, and work colleagues much more palatable with my response, as a public service.

Hahahaha! My sister is a few weeks off having her PFB. I have begged her to write down all the things she's adamant she will or won't do, seal them in an envelope, and open it in a few years' time. grin

I don't get why this would be so embarrassing for so many people. It's simply a matter of thinking properly about the nature of small children before you have them. I mean, even, if it's an unplanned pregnancy, most parents-to-be have five months to prepare.

For example, I thought about dummies, and decided against them, and kept to it. My reasons against them didn't melt into thin air, upon delivery of the placenta!


CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Oct-11 13:45:17

It's not just kids, is it? Most people have very firm opinions on all kinds of things before it actually happens to them. The work colleague that used to blather on about how awful it was when women let themselves go and got fat .... yes, you guessed it smile

TheControversialJessie Wed 05-Oct-11 13:47:10

And what is it with all these women deciding they won't have pain relief beforehand?

Surely it's much more sensible to say "I've no experience of being in labour, so I'll decide when I actually am". If I knew I was going to have a mere headache in three months' time, I wouldn't decide on whether to take paracetamol today. I'd wait until I was having the headache!

daytoday Wed 05-Oct-11 13:48:52

At what point in your life do your morals / ideas become fixed in cement? 16? 21? 30?

My guess is you live and learn and have to allow yourself and your morals to adjust.

Life throws all sorts of things up - perhaps you were moralistic about noisy children in restaurants? Moralistic about divorce?

Thing is, we kinda guess what a lot of our morals might be, but unless we've actually walked the walk - we really don't know how we'd behave in many situations.

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