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AIBU?

to tell my horrible selfish ungrateful children i will no longer be washing for them.

31 replies

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 08:14

they are perfectly old enough to do it themselves and then it won't be my fault if what they want isn't done.

ditto packed lunches. no matter what i do it is wrong so i shan't be wasting my time any more.

in fact i may just refuse to get up and see them off to school at all. it's not like i need to be up at 6.45.

AIBU?

OP posts:

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lesley33 · 05/10/2011 08:15

How old are they?

fluffystabby · 05/10/2011 08:15

Absolutely not, I am considering doing the same

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 08:17

13 and 15. 15 yr old actually does quite a bit. 13 yr old has aspergers but is more than capable or turning on the washing machine.

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fluffystabby · 05/10/2011 08:19

Mine are 12 (almost 13) and 9.

But at that age, YANBU, they can do their own washing, ironing, and make their own lunches.

I was the other week to find that DD1 does the ironing at her Dad's

statueofliberty · 05/10/2011 08:20

Let me know how it goes pls sweetie,I'm minded to do similar!,

BikingViking · 05/10/2011 08:21

You'd be doing them a favour

Better that they get onto the habit of looking after themselves now, while still at home where they can ask questions etc than learning it after they've left home - or worse, expecting others to dó it for them

CailinDana · 05/10/2011 08:21

Absolutely not. My mum stopped making us packed lunches when I was about 10 and stopped washing our clothes when I was about 12. We (sis and I) were a bit annoyed about the lunches (and I spent years just bringing bananas, apples, kiwis etc to school and cadging off friends as I was too lazy to make anything) but much to my mother's annoyance we were delighted about the clothes as it meant we had control over what was washed and when rather than having to wait two weeks for a dark wash in order to get our jeans back. I think it massively improved our relationship with our mother as she was no longer resentful about doing these tasks and we felt we had a bit of responsibility and control in the house. One word of warning - if you do hand over responsibility, offer help for the first week or so but then let go entirely, no nagging, no whinging, otherwise you're going to piss both yourself and your kids off mightily.

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 08:22

i wouldn't mind doing it if i wasn't then treated like a slae and shouted at for doing it wrong.

I have shouted this morning.

I am not happy. The DDs are not happy. In fact DD2 has only just left and has 10 minutes to get to school 2 miles away.

I am going to have NOT MY PROBLEM tattooed on my forehead.

OP posts:

cory · 05/10/2011 08:22

The problem is that you have let it come to this pass: look after them as babies until you have to enforce independence as some kind of punishment. It would have been a lot nicer if you had trained them in making their own lunches and the use of an alarm clock as something positive when they were 11 or so. Oh well, can't be helped now.

But maybe it is time to look over your general routine to see if you have got into a habit of babying them and then resenting it. Often it is actually more pleasant for children to do their own thing- as long as it is not presented to them as something negative.

madmomma · 05/10/2011 08:26

YANBU

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 08:29

when i work early i leave them to it and they just get on with it so i know they are perfectly capable.

problem is when i work late i feel the need to get up and be nice t othem because i won't be seeing them at all for the rest of the day (won't get home til 10)

but when it descends into shouting (like this morning) it is no fun for anyone.

OP posts:

borderslass · 05/10/2011 08:29

I stopped doing DD2's [15] ironing about 3 months ago within a month I had cut down on washing as she wasn't wearing 3 outfits a day RESULT.

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 08:32

i don't iron (except when all the white shirts are wet in the machine and i need to dry one istantly)

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borderslass · 05/10/2011 08:37

I have to iron cant stand stuff not being ironed plus DH wears polo shirts for working in taxi they look a mess if not ironed.

lesley33 · 05/10/2011 08:39

Sometimes mums who have always done a lot for their DC realise they are doing too much, get resentful and go the other way. It sounds as if you are at risk of doing this.

Tell them they need to do their own packed lunches - they should be doing this at their age anyway. But introduce other tasks more gradually.

I think its unfair to go from doing lots and imo too much, to making them do lots. Introduce it gradually say over a period of a year.

shelscrape · 05/10/2011 08:49

YANBU. Give them plenty of warning though. Eg. Tell them, from next Monday I will not do your packed lunches, you will have to make it yourself. Remind them through the week and then when they shout at you on Monday .... it's definitely not your problem as they had plenty of warning. Do the same with the laundry. They will thank you for it in the long run

flicktheswitch · 05/10/2011 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneHandFlapping · 05/10/2011 09:09

Getting them to do their own packed lunches and laundry is hardly asking a lot.

Mine have been doing all their own laundry for at least 18 months - the youngest is 13. It's not a big chore, but it does make them realise that these jobs have to be done, and that no one else is going to do them for you all your life.

My main job is to raise independent adults without an attitude of self-entitlement to domestic services from another adult (actually this applies mainly to the boys, who I don't want to expect their future wives to do everything for them).

Maryz · 05/10/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alouiseg · 05/10/2011 09:24

I'm either a soft touch or I see my mothering duties include providing my children with meals and clean clothes. They are 14 and 13 and I can't see me changing my stance on that until they're older.

They are responsible for putting their dirty clothes in their laundry bins and they are responsible for putting away their clean linen. I change their bedding for them, they help me if I ask. I cook family meals, they make their own snacks or light lunches.

I think that not providing meals and clean clothes is rather negligent.

If they are rude and ungrateful then perhaps it's their behaviour and manners that need to be tackled.

oldraver · 05/10/2011 09:28

You would be doing them a huuge favour preparing them for an independant life and freeing up time for yourself and making them appreciate you more.

When DS1 went to University he had to show his hall mates how to use the washing machine and dryer, they didnt even know to seperate clothes. He said they also use to stand in awe of him rustling up chicken and pasta even if it was a stir-in sauce.

No wonder several went home to their Mummies

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 05/10/2011 09:29

The lunches yes, but the laundry no. It is a waste of electricity and water for all family members to be doing their own loads.

They should be doing their own ironing at least some of the time by that age though, and certainly putting their clothes away.

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BikingViking · 05/10/2011 10:01

I think it's negligent not to provide clean clothes and meals for children / people for whom you have responsibility if they are incapable of doing it themselves. But once a child is capable, I think it a parental duty to teach them how to look after themselves and the best way of learning that is by doing it.

Agree it's a waste of water if they're just washing an outfit at a time, but maybe if there's a rota, or if they have a weekly washday or something?

LordOfTheFlies · 05/10/2011 10:13

I wouldn't let my DS (nearly 12) within a mile of my lovely Bosch washing machine.
Though I have told him if he leaves any money in his pockets and I find it when I check, then I keep it.
And if I find tissues or anything that could harm my machine, then I will fine him.

That galvanises his mind

HelloSweetie · 05/10/2011 11:14

another problem with lunches is the fact that being teenage girls i suspect that if i didn't make them lunches they wouldn't take anything at all, particularly DD1 who informs me that she is about the only one of her group that eats anything at all (even if that is only dry crackers )

i only wash what is in the laundry basket. i don't go looking for stuff. a rota might be a good idea.

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