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To wish that people wouldn't look down on unplanned pregnancies?

(45 Posts)
toptramp Tue 04-Oct-11 22:54:55

1 in 3 pregnanncies are unplanned. DD was unplanned but very welcome, loved and valid. Am I right in thinking that some people (by no means all) feel that their planned kids are much more valid than unplanned kids.
Ok in some cases unplanned pregnancies are a disatour and may lead to abortion but sometimes (as was in my case) they are a pleasant surprise.
My cousin got pregnant on the pill and a friend of mine was told she couldn't have kids only to get knocked up soon after.

toptramp Tue 04-Oct-11 22:55:22

Both kept their babies.

hester Tue 04-Oct-11 22:57:16

I'm not sure I've ever come across this. As you say, loads of pregnancies are unplanned and most of the time, we have no idea which were planned and which were not. Has someone been making comments to you?

My mum used to call us (her 3 kids) her pill failure, her diaphragm failure and her condom failure. Thanks Mum hmm grin

FabbyChic Tue 04-Oct-11 22:57:58

I've two kids, neither were planned.

TheTenantOfWildfellHall Tue 04-Oct-11 22:59:32

I can't imagine anyone thinking their unplanned children were less valid.

My DS was a surprise.

My DD was planned.

I've never referred to DS as unplanned.

TheTenantOfWildfellHall Tue 04-Oct-11 23:00:34

But DD was only planned in as much as we stopped using protection and let nature take it's course.

Nature decided I should have 2 children and I'm happy with that.

LineRunner Tue 04-Oct-11 23:01:59

I don't want anyone having views on my pregnancies, full stop. No matter what my decision was.

troisgarcons Tue 04-Oct-11 23:02:37

Hmmm ...as our Head of RE espouses ..... no one can get "accidentally" pregnant .... you dont walk down the road, trip and fall over, landing on an erect penis ready to ejaculate .... and if you are careless/pissed, you take yourself off to the pharmacist/hospital/school nurse/ clinic and get a morning after pill.

* note the "accidentally" is in inverted commas , it applies to consentual sex -lets not get into the gamut of 'rape' which falls well outside the remit of 'accidental'.

LynetteScavo Tue 04-Oct-11 23:02:45

I know someone who desperately never wants her DD to find out she was unplanned.

I was obviously unplanned (massive age gap between siblings), and don't care...I don't think it makes any difference if you're loved.

startail Tue 04-Oct-11 23:10:31

I'm an experiment in using the safe period method of contraception. Conclusion it doesn't workgrin
Ok my parents stopped using condoms because they were settled and ready to have children, so I'm not totally unplanned, just older than I might have been.
DSIS was a very deliberate little friend for Star. As a child I frequently wished they hadn't bothered. She wanted to play, I wanted to read.
As I got older I realised I wouldn't be without her.
So my two are very much planned and actually fight much less, but that's just luck.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Tue 04-Oct-11 23:12:00

Troisgarçons, what about geniune contraceptive failure? Even MAP has a failure rate.

AuntiePickleBottom Tue 04-Oct-11 23:15:04

knocked up....i hate than phase

troisgarcons Tue 04-Oct-11 23:18:11

Troisgarçons, what about geniune contraceptive failure? Even MAP has a failure rate.

I can only say, I got pregnant twice with sloppy contraception ....cant legistlate how my HoD (my age) has been so blessed to make a child free life style choice and never have to m\ke a chice or suffer consequences. Clearly she is 'blessed' ( or has a coil, an implant, wears a femidom, and he with draws his condom clad penis 3 minutes prior to initial leakage ) grin

PerAr6ua Tue 04-Oct-11 23:18:38

given that even ivf is a lottery, how you ever have a genuine planned pregnancy anyway? Let's stop talking about planning...

eurochick Tue 04-Oct-11 23:20:02

I don't look down on unplanned pregnancies but I don't quite understand how most of them happen if someone doesn't want them to. 1/3 doesn't equate to the 1% failure rate of the most commonly used methods of contraception.

hester Tue 04-Oct-11 23:23:26

1 per cent failure rate without user error, eurochick. That's 1 per cent every time you have sex. If someone has sex twice a week (ha ha bloody ha but I do remember a time) then they could easily have an unplanned pregnancy once a year.

Of course, in reality, there are loads of very human reasons why people may not use contraception conscientiously. Most of us have been there, haven't we?

upahill Tue 04-Oct-11 23:24:40

Blimey, My kids were 'wait and see what (if anything) happens, (hope not!!)

DH had pt pursuade me it was a good idea!

Love them to bits!!!

worraliberty Tue 04-Oct-11 23:24:57

I would love to know how often contraception really fails

I have a feeling it's just a tiny fraction out of the amount of claims

It's far easier to say 'oh the condom split' or 'the pill didn't work'...rather than hold your hands up and say "Yep, we took a risk"...especially if you feel you should have known better.

So if people lie to the midwives/Gps, the statistics are going to be nonsense really.

AuntiePickleBottom Tue 04-Oct-11 23:26:33

why is this even a social question.

i mean when friends or people i work with announce they are pregnant, i just say congrats.

however my sister was asked by loads of questions, was it planned, does she know who the father is, what is she going to do with the baby ect.

i think some people are just rude

TheFallenMadonna Tue 04-Oct-11 23:27:09

I was an unplanned and definitely unwanted pregancy. No pleasant surprises, just a very difficult, life changing one.

But I was a very loved and wanted child.

hester Tue 04-Oct-11 23:29:53

Yes, worraliberty, I used to work in an abortion clinic, and it was ridiculous and slightly heartbreaking how women clearly felt that they had to justify the abortion they were seeking by claiming contraceptive failure. It's a very hard subject for women to talk about, but surely many of us have played daft buggers with contraception: because we were drunk, because we were roadtesting our fertility, because part of us secretly wanted to flirt with the possibility of motherhood, because we enjoyed the romance and the drama... whatever. I'm always slightly stunned by the lack of imagination of those who claim not to understand how this can happen.

LineRunner Tue 04-Oct-11 23:31:50

Like I said, no-one else's business.

MCos Tue 04-Oct-11 23:32:13

Nicest surprise I ever had was getting pregnant with DD2! A year earlier than 'planned'... It was meant to be.

worraliberty Tue 04-Oct-11 23:33:59

That's what I mean hester I suppose it's much easier to claim contraception failure, especially when talking to a stranger.

libbyssister Tue 04-Oct-11 23:36:32

My DS1 and DS2 were 'planned' in that we were actively trying to get pregnant. But DS3 was definitely not (contraeption failed, so did morning after pill!). I have only told a handful of friends that he was unplanned, people who can be trusted not to say stupid stuff now and more importantly to him in the future (particularly family members). It has caused me some distress as everyone thinks we were keen for a third child and I should be happy as larry to have what I wanted...when in fact I've struggled with the baby phase again and find three hard work.

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