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AIBU to ask you all for some confidence tips?

(7 Posts)
BobbaFettBountyHunter Tue 04-Oct-11 17:33:49

I have been in my current job since September and I love it, but am finding it hard to speak up when people are quite frankly taking the piss. I normally have no problems speaking up, especially with people I know but today I got into trouble at work for something that was not my fault and was blamed on me and like a bloody mug I took it because I was too much of a wuss to stand up for myself.
I spoke to my manager who told me she knew the other worker was lying but I needed to speak up, I have confronted the person over the phone (call not text) because I was fuming and have said we need to speak because it was really unfair what she did, but I work with this person A LOT on nights where it is just me and them on shift and dread any uncomfortable feeling, but I have to say something.
I'm not the best person for wording things right, I want to be firm but not aggressive, and basically need some advice. The first time speaking up is the hardest isn't it?
It was basically over an unfair delegation of duties,i.e me rushing round doing everything.
This is a rubbish AIBU and thinly disguised but please help! I need to grow some balls. My next shift with them is Sunday.

KittyFane Tue 04-Oct-11 18:21:28

Just say out loud what you are thinking.
For example, if someone says something you know is just not true you could say quietly and calmly 'that really isn't what happened...I remember (it like this)'.
As for worrying about creating an atmosphere, turn it around in your mind. THEY have created the atmosphere/ bad feeling. Stop taking responsibility for other's poor attitude. They need to make amends, not you.

cruelladepoppins Tue 04-Oct-11 18:26:45

YANBU - I know what you mean, it can be difficult to get the balance. The best way I know is to not be blamey (hard i know) - what you want as a mature employee is for things to go well for your organisation.

So it's "we have a problem here because" or "from my point of view it's a problem because". You are not arguing the toss with anyone, you are putting your point of view forward. If you hear another person lying, you don't need to say "you're lying": how about "it's interesting you say that, because what happened was xyz".

Remember, you are there because you can do the job, you are there because of your skills and experience, you are there because of what you know. It is your duty as an employee to make sure your employer is getting the best out of you and your colleagues.

HTH

SwimLittleFish Tue 04-Oct-11 18:58:56

The things I've learnt at work is always speak up and always cover your arse as people will take advantage and lay blame.

Never sound like you're telling tales ifykwim so the approach of the previous posters is perfect.

I've been in a situation where someone has taken credit for my work. It's really hard to suddenly say 'actually I did that not you' as it seems to me to sound so childish, plus I was shocked that it had even happened. In that situation, I took the manager aside and explained.

OchAyeTheNooPal Tue 04-Oct-11 19:05:07

Stay calm, don't shout or swear and look them in the eye. It is scary the first time but do it soon because it will get harder the longer you let this situation fester.

Just say what you feel and keep speaking up. Good luck!

greenbananas Tue 04-Oct-11 19:07:53

Great advice given by posters already. It's good that your manager believes you, and I hope that her faith in you will help to give you more confidence.

This actually happened to me a few times in temp jobs when I was younger. Now I think I would have the confidence to use the sort of strategies given above, but at the time it affected me badly and I left a couple of assignments because of it. Don't let this happen to you! Stand up for yourself - quietly but firmly.

Be strong - and best of luck to you!!!

lesley33 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:21:57

I could have written this post at one time. I always found it really hard to stick up for myself. tbh I think you just need to try and force yourself. I can stick up for myself now and the only way it changed was by forcing myself to speak up. The more you do it the easier it gets.

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