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to be annoyed that this person keeps asking us to donate more to sponser her...

(62 Posts)
mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 17:08:15

A relative of DP is asking us to support her for something she is doing for charity (not saying which-annonymity etc). The charity in question is one that my partner and i already donate to on a regular basis (£20 per month) but we decided to sponser her as well (£5 - not much but we have another baby on the way and as i said we do already donate to the charity). Well before we donated (which was only a week after being asked as we just didn't get round to it sooner) we got loads of text messages, emails, facebook messages etc basically telling us to, and now that we have we keep getting messages asking us to donate more! what annoys me as well is that it is a cancer charity, both my parents have suffered from cancer and my father unfortunately didn't recover and died young (and not that long ago). in all these texts, emails etc to us she keeps going on about people suffering and support for families etc and if i'm honest it bloody annoys me and i just don't want to hear it atm...i already deal with this charity, i know people suffer and it is horrible, however i think she should pick her audience and be grateful that we are already donating.
if i'm honest, i think she is doing it for attention and so that everyone can say how wonderful she is which grates on me. we have given other members reasons why we have not donated much (basically we know that a large proportion of the money that is raised from people doing these one-offs is used up in the administration put into processing the money, whereas the way we choose to do it entails very little admin costs and allows the charity to budget long-term). i respect what she is doing and i know that she is raising the profile of the charity, but i just don't want to be asked for more money or to see all these depressing emails etc at this moment in time when i am still grieving myself.
DP wants to call her and telling her not to include is in her mailing lists, private facebook messages, texts etc and that she is been insensitive asking us for more money. however i can just see it going down like a lead balloon and us being called tight etc.
so are we NBU to be annoyed, or are we just being tight? before i get slated i do respect people for doing these things for charity and asking people to donate, but surely there are limits?

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 17:09:03

wow long post - sorry people of mumsnet!

amicissima Tue 04-Oct-11 17:13:15

I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to say how glad you are she's supporting such a great charity. You've given as much as you can afford ATM and please could you be taken off the lists.

No need to elaborate. If you're kept on the lists just point out that you've asked to be removed. Repeat as necessary. If she challenges you, or asks your reasons just say 'Please remove us from the lists' or 'We don't wish to remain on the lists.'

GinSlinger Tue 04-Oct-11 17:19:40

until you said that it was a cancer charity I thought it might be a friend of mine who is driving us all nuts with her constant banging on for money but it's a different charity. So there's two of them out there

Wormshuffler Tue 04-Oct-11 17:25:52

It really does wind me up when people do these once in a lifetime sporting challenges and then expect to be paid for it under the guise of charity, and fully support what you pointed out about the admin costs.
My DH recently sponsored someone for a bike ride fom lands end to John o'groats. Now the same person has asked for sponsorship again to do another "personal achievement" in the 3 peaks walk.
A different person wanted sposoring to walk the great wall of China!
If you want to do these thing just do them!! there is no need to advertise the fact, look like some kind of hero and expect your admin costs to be covered.

Firawla Tue 04-Oct-11 17:29:28

cant you just ignore if you have already donated? if shes sending it to everyone shes not targetting you specifically so she will not reaklly b expecting any response? if she is messaging you again personally asking more, then i think its a bit much but if they are like msg for everyone then just ignore and i think ywb a bit u to make a big thing of that

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 17:37:25

Firawla - i get what you mean with regard to the messages, i guess (and i know this will sound a bit oh-poor-me) i am partly annoyed that she is not taking mine and DPs feelings into consideration before sending out these messages. if it was me i would think about if these messages might upset anyone, and i wouldn't send it to someone whose parent had recently lost a fight with cancer

tigermoll Tue 04-Oct-11 17:39:26


One of my all-time pet hates is people asking for sponsorship to do something they really want to do, something like trekking across the tundra, or climbing Matchu Pichu, or anything else enjoyable that any reasonably fit adult would be capable of doing. IMO, you should only be sponsored for something DIFFICULT (like a marathon) or UNPLEASANT (like shaving your head)

Not only do these people milk their friends and family for huge sums 'for charity', they then insist on acting like some noble hero on their return. Basically, they get everyone else to pay for their holiday, and then make you hear all about it afterwards. Plus, a significant proportion of the money raised goes towards paying for flights, admin, insurance etc NOT to the charity.

Also, very often the charities they choose do NOT reflect a personal/lifelong interest, but are simply selcted because they offer an exciting experience. Suddenly, you are exhorted to large sums to a charity the sponsoree (if that is indeed a word) has never even heard of before they were offered the chance to climb a vocano or something.


FlossieFromCrapstonVillas Tue 04-Oct-11 17:42:21

That Geordie character from the Catherine Tate show is in my head now.

cruelladepoppins Tue 04-Oct-11 17:48:06

OP, yanbu to get fed up with it, but I believe that it's part of the marketing now, they suggest the fundraiser keeps reminding people. I think you just have to be practical and delete the messages as you go along.

I'm sure your DP's relative wouldn't like you to think she was bullying you into feeling obliged to give more. Nor should you. I have got to the stage that I don't respond to every appeal for sponsorship and I certainly wouldn't feel obliged to sponsor the same person more than once. It's the delete button for me!

In general the charities are pretty OK with fundraisers even where a higher proportion of the money goes on admin, website collection costs, travel etc because it's still bringing money in for them that they otherwise wouldn't have got.

purplepidjinawoollytangle Tue 04-Oct-11 17:51:34

Ring her up and say

"There seems to be some confusion. We've already donated, yet you haven't taken us off the mailing list. Unfortunately, the amount of emails you've sent has triggered our spam filter so unless you take us off, we'll miss everything else you try and send us, which would be a shame"

The hard part will be keeping the hmm out of your voice wink

ENormaSnob Tue 04-Oct-11 17:52:52

Yanbu at all.

onadifferentplanettoday Tue 04-Oct-11 18:04:34

My daughter spent 8 months training to do the 3 peaks challenge,it was a personal achievment for her as she is a diabetic and spends a great deal of her spare time working with young diabetics and showing them that being a diabetic doesn't mean they can't do all the things a person without diabetes can. She totally self funded this she purchased all her equipment paid for her travel etc and every penny she raised in sponsorship was for her chosen charities.I reguarly put updates about her training on my FB page and links to her fund raising page and was happy to do so as I am very proud of what she's achieved .Quite a few people did sponsor her after I had posted and once a month I sent a round robin mailing to everyone I knew.
She certainly didnt take on the challenge to bring attention on herself nor did a single penny of what she raised go towards anything but charity.

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 18:34:12

onadifferentplanettoday - wow u must be so proud of your dd! i completely admire her! especially as she was funding it herself so all the money went to the cause!
i have no problem with people asking me for money towards these things, although if it is not being funded by the sponsee (is that a word - you get my drift) i am a bit sceptical about where all the money goes but i accept it is raising the profile of the charity regardless.
i do, however, find requests for more money when you have already donated to be a bit rude?

WorkingItOutAsIGo Tue 04-Oct-11 18:51:40

Actually, I think you should tell her what you told us, that you are still in grief for your father and find these constant reminders depressing. No need to mention the money side at all. That ought to stop her in her tracks if she has any soul!

Almanzo Tue 04-Oct-11 18:52:51

I did a parachute jump years ago with a bunch of people from the office, it was 'for charity' and I had several problems with it that have affected my response to these things.
Like you I give to carefuly chosen charities anyway and have picked the ones I think will do the most with my money.
This jump was for a charity which advertised to young people in a way that made it clear it was an 'awesome' thing to do 'and you'll be doing it for a very worthy cause etc'. You had to raise a minimum of £180. When I got the paperwork with the sponsor forms the small print made it clear that £135 went to pay for the jump. So basically we were as you say, asking people to pay for our jollies.
I was too embarrassed to ask for sponsorship at work as there were a few of us doing it so lots had already been got at. Also I didn't think it was fair so paid the £180 myself. It was fun so no losers there but I did wish I'd said somethign at the time.
Roll on a few years and someone asked me to sponsor her to cycle the great wall of China so I dared to ask if any of the money was going for costs. It didn't go down well so now I just hide pay up when these things come around.
It is v V V annoying though angry

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 19:04:43

Almanzo - i don't see the problem asking how money is going towards costs, it's your money and you have a right to ask where it goes. i think what you did with the sky dive was brilliant, you got to do something you wanted to do which you paid for yourself and you donated to charity! good on you becuase i would never dare do it!

PattySimcox Tue 04-Oct-11 19:16:18

Totally agree with wormshuffler. I get so pissed off paying out for other people's fun in the name of charity.

One friend was banging on and on about how she was giving up so much of her time training for a particular event, how she would loose a weeks annual leave due to the time it would take to travel to NEW YORK and back, it was such hard work blah blah blah. I suggested that maybe she should give up her time to work at the local night shelter and ask for sponsorship for that thereby doing two good deeds in one. Didn't go down too well hmm

[grumpy and ranty tonight]

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 19:26:19

PattySimcox i agree, it's suprising how some people (not all) will only do things for charity if it is fun and they look like a hero but are not prepared to give their time or provide in a way that is just as helpful but doesn't have the hero factor.

jgbmum Tue 04-Oct-11 19:27:11

I thought I was the only person who felt p**d off with these requests. I have one very good friend who seems to be constantly doing charity cycle rides and I have taken to ignoring her requests, but still feel uncomfortable when she raises the subject.

WilsonFrickett Tue 04-Oct-11 19:37:03

OMG jgb if I'm your friend I promise that was the last one, honest! grin

OP it's probably not personal, in that she'll be emailing and messaging everyone she knows but if it's upsetting you I think there's no problem with an email back saying 'we've donated and could you take us off the list because I'm finding it upsetting'.

You might also want to gently suggest that getting off your bum and doing something is a far more effective way of fundraising than endless emails - bag packing, organising an event, car boots etc will give her better returns and help her keep her friends

kelly2000 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:48:21

I do not sponser people for things like climbing mountains overseas, or trekking the great wall of china. The money spent actually doing the activity (flights etc) could be better spent going to the actual charity. I would however sponser them to volunteer in a hospice etc.
Just reply, syaing could she take you off these lists as you ahve alreasy sponsered her, and give to the charity monthly anyway. If you d nto feel you can do this, just do not read messages from her and delete texts before looking.

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses Tue 04-Oct-11 20:06:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofbumblebea Tue 04-Oct-11 20:23:18

wow i was expecting to get flamed and told i was being tight! glad it seems that i am not completely unreasonable. i have told this person that this is one of the charities we give to, hadn't mentioned it to anyone before as i don't want to make a big deal about it (just put it on here and the amount in an attempt to limit the amount of "stop being so tight" posts). i can see the point of view that she is getting up and doing something for charity which i am technically not (not the easiest thing to do with a 21 month old and another one on the way tbh!), and that is why i am donating. she is being such a pain in the arse though that i am considering telling her that i will just add the money onto my monthly donation after she has done it and then it won't get eaten up in admin costs just to get on her nerves (i know that would be mean tho)

skybluepearl Tue 04-Oct-11 20:25:35

Just text her and say 'I've donated and please can you take me off the texting/email list as it's making greiving for my mother harder. Thanks and goodluck for your run'

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