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AIBU to think that ds's sleep pattern will sort itself out

(17 Posts)
scuzy Tue 04-Oct-11 11:53:51

ds is 2 and half and while he goes down asleep in his own bed (have to lie there with him for few minutes til he falls asleep) but he wakes and comes into my bed at any time during the night and falls back asleep. i dont take him back into his own bed. i know i probably should but working full time i need my sleep.

i long to just put him in bed read him a story walk out he falls asleep and not wake til morning. i miss having the bed to myself.

dp says i should be trying to train him better but its easy for him to say when its up to me to do it (dont ask why it is up to me ...long story) and working full time.

will he grow out of it and just one night not wake and come into me or is it something i need to tackle now.

its not the end of the world to me just a tad inconvenient

any advice or comments welcome ... thanks!

Mishy1234 Tue 04-Oct-11 12:02:41

I have had a similar experience with DS1 and it has sorted itself out over time (he's now 3.5). He still comes into our bed every now and then, but it's getting less and less frequent. I have never forced the issue, as I believe it's perfectly natural for a child to seek the reassurance of their parents if they wake in the night and often bad dreams or worries from the day are the cause.

However, only you can decide if you are fine with this situation continuing or not. It's not something everyone finds acceptable for lots of different reasons and what works for us as a family doesn't for others.

IMO he will grow out of it.

WowOoo Tue 04-Oct-11 12:03:04

Mine is exactly the same. Goes off to sleep with my help (I also have to lie with him) and then ends up in my bed. Gets in around 3-5 ish in the morning.
Ds1 used to do the same and did grow out of it before he was 3 and I'm hoping for the same for ds2.
Fingers crossed!

Tee2072 Tue 04-Oct-11 12:04:47

My son grew out of that about a month ago now. He's coming up on 2.4. One night he just stopped waking up in the middle of the night. I would go to him, rather than he coming to me, and he just doesn't need it any more.

Now he sleeps, more or less, from between 730 and 8 to between 6 and 7 with the very occasional 5am.

redskyatnight Tue 04-Oct-11 12:05:02

I had the opposite experience and found the waking in the night got earlier and earlier and spilt over into not wanting to stay in his own bed at bedtime.

If it is annoying you I would tackle it sooner rather than later.

scuzy Tue 04-Oct-11 12:05:09

ah thanks guys. makes me feel better. i feel he will grow out of it and dont want to push it and make it stressful for us both. he nods off in ten minutes and like you WowOoo he comes in anytime between 2-4am. i just lift him in and we both go back to sleep together. i enjoy waking up to him! but was worried i should be pushing a better sleep pattern but you have both made me feel better. thanks!

scuzy Tue 04-Oct-11 12:06:41

it doesnt annoy me as such ... like i said we both go back to sleep instantly. the odd night is restless if he is restless i dont sleep well with his kicking and tossing and turning etc. i was worried he wouldnt ever settle himself if i didnt do something now but if he will grow out of it and prepared to just let it be.

Had the same with my DS and presumed it would sort itself out. He is now 9 and it's still a nightmare, we should have nipped it in the bud at thet time.

Seriously, you need to get firm now. Maybe he will grow out of it but maybe he wont! Take it from one who knows sad

GirlWithALlamaTattoo Tue 04-Oct-11 12:33:42

I'm the child who used to do this, and both my mum and I wish she'd stopped me sooner. I carried on until I was way too old, about 10, just out of habit. Then Mum got a new partner and I HAD to stop. It wasn't a major thing, I was OK with sleeping in my own bed once I needed to, but it was an extra alteration when the family changed shape, that could have been avoided.

No lasting problems; Mum and "new man" have been married 20 years, and I LOVE having my bed to myself when my DP goes away, but it was an extra little stress that could have been prevented.

Pandemoniaa Tue 04-Oct-11 12:44:00

At 2.5 DS1 went to sleep easily (preferred me to stay with him while he dropped off to sleep) but then used to creep into our bed at about 3-4am. Craftily, he'd worked out that if he started at the bottom of the bed and tunnelled up under the duvet, we might not notice his presence!

I allowed this to continue for a month or so but then started taking him back to his own bed because actually, it was more comfortable for all of us. I had some minor protests but after a week or so of calmly putting him back to bed he stopped. I did have friends who still had 7 year olds insisting on sharing their beds so children don't necessarily grow out of the habit.

DS2 interestingly (who was about 1 while all this was going on) needed far less sleep at night but was totally disinterested (or perhaps just too lazy!) in getting out of his nice warm bed and wandering down corridors at silly o-clock in the morning.

Bed sharing was never totally banned though. Big huge thunderstorms (or the 1987 hurricane) were an exception if a small child woke up slightly scared. But "small" was the operative word here since I can't recall any night visitors much past the age of 5.

pearlym Tue 04-Oct-11 12:46:13

Mine did/do it, from when took bars of cot to about now, oldest is 7, she rarely if ever comes in, yuonger one is 5, she will ome in 2 days per week, or so, just go back to sleep, i never minded it, sometimes we woudl wake up to find all 4 of us in the bed together which was quite nice, however, now they are bigger we just can't all fit in. the only rule i have is tha they will go to sleep at beginning of night in their own beds!

Squitten Tue 04-Oct-11 12:54:32

DS1 sorted himself out on his own too at about 2.5. I think the path of least resistance is not always a bad thing

pocketfullofposies Tue 04-Oct-11 12:58:20

DD1 went through a phase of needing us to sit with her til she went to sleep then grew out of it, altough she still has her shouty moments at bedtime now.

She never climbed into our bed as she has a stair gate on her door.

NameGotLostInCyberspace Tue 04-Oct-11 13:51:33

DD (4) used to do this. When I was pregnant I HAD to get her to sleep her own bed. So I introduced a reward system. 3 nights, 3 princess badges. That was it. Maybe one or 2 blips but was easier than I thought TBH.

scuzy Tue 04-Oct-11 13:58:48

just the thoughts of a few nights of crying when i put him back in and him coming back out again is enough to let him sleep with me cos i work ft and am exhausted at the best of times.

MissPenteuth Tue 04-Oct-11 14:00:41

We are in exactly the same position scuzy. DD (10mo) goes to sleep in her own bed then wakes any time between midnight and 4amish and comes in with us. It's just the quickest way of getting her back to sleep. I feel like we need to tackle it, probably sooner rather than later, but when it's 2am and you've got an easy option that works... maybe if she doesn't grow out of it in a few months (ha ha) we'll have a rethink. The co-sleeping isn't ideal anyway because DD shifts around and ends up horizontal by morning, usually kicking me in the stomach, chest and face in the process.

My only (crap) advice would be "whatever works for you". If you're happy with the current situation, stick with it a bit longer.

scuzy Tue 04-Oct-11 14:11:58

thanks for all the replies! smile

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