Quick back story,
DH diagnosed with MH issues, makes life VERY hard, everything comes down to me.
Ok the problem NOW is that DH's mum promised us £1000 to buy a dishwasher and have it fitted. Very shortly afterwards my eldest sister (ESIS) bought and had delivered a dishwasher as a ( very nice, thank you) gift. The £1000 was to be given to SIL to "manage" as MIL is quite elderly.
I spoke to SIl and we then agreed that the money could be spent on "other things" that would be needed in the house. it was left VERY open ,just a sort of "call when you need it" type converstaion.
My ESIS then organised and paid for some major work on the house to better accomodate DH needs.
Safe in the knowledge that I had £1000 sitting there , all I had to do was call SIL and arrange for when I needed the money I ordered new kitchen doors ( the old ones look PANTS in the "new" conversion , but MY choice I know).
background : Dh has been staying at SIL a few times to give me a break.
Well I rang to arrange said transferr of money ( sunday) to be told
SIL "I spoke with ESIS and she said that eveything had been done in the house so you didn't need the money for any house things. MIL has decided I can use the money for DH's needs when he comes to stay with me, I can't afford to keep buying he meals and coffees out. I thought it was better that it was not family money that was spent, speak to MIL if you ant to sort it out"
I was so agast that I couldn't think what to say and just said good bye
Then (putting on my BIG girl pants) I rang back and asked to speak to MIL ( who was staying with SIL at the time)
SIL "We have guests, we are chatting , you can call her when she gets home tomorrow, its very rude"
All VERY passive aggresive.
texts then followed
Me " I did not know you had guests, I object to being called "rude". "
SIL
"I was not saying you were rude but that it was of ME to be on the phone with guests here"
Me" Thanks for the clarification"
then today THIS email
Dear Kitty
I have had a discussion with Mum last night and this morning regarding the funds that she was going to provide for a dishwasher/washing machine. However as these and other appliances have been provided as part of the project on the house she has reconsidered how the money could be best used. She has decided that she will retain the funds to use as she sees fit - for DH's future needs.
My only involvement in this is in the role of transferring funds as instructed by Mum.
I would also ask you not to contact her about this matter. She was very upset by your persistent phone calls considering we had company as I had explained to you and also the manner of your text to me which was misconstrued.
Thanks
SIL
I am at a total loss as what to do. I would never had spent money on the doors , we haven't got it, but , the last I knew was that the money was there all I had to do was ask.
Dh by the way was very upset
" I don't want the £1000, its for my family, my FAMILY!"
If you have read this far, thank you ,
What do I do ???
AIBU?
AIBU to be sat here in tears, it really is the last straw
kitty4paws · 04/10/2011 10:52
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