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To Ask My Mum Why?

(11 Posts)
chillikate Mon 03-Oct-11 20:24:53

My sister and I live about 120 miles from my mum, in opposite directions.

I've just seen photos on Facebook from my mums latest visit to my sisters house. Shes visited her 5 or 6 times this year and has not been to see me & my family at all this year, despite having an open invitation.

I've been to my mums house in total 4 times this year, including to drop my DS off for a weeks holiday with his cousin (sisters DD). Mum offered to do this when our DCs were little (Neice is 3 months younger than DS) when they had started school, and each summer to help with childcare. My sister has asked my mum if she'll have her DS (aged 2) next year and my mum has said she won't have enough holiday to have my DS now. when she had my DS this year I drove the 5 hour round trip to drop DS off, then met halfway the other way. My mum took my neice both ways.

AIBU to ask my mum what I've done wrong, or should I just accept that she favours my sister as she always did when we were kids??

Kayano Mon 03-Oct-11 20:27:48

I would ask her why and I would also let her know how hurt and upset I was. I don't mince my words lol wink

ENormaSnob Mon 03-Oct-11 20:30:27

Yes I would ask.

I would be very pissed off tbh.

PotterWatch Mon 03-Oct-11 20:31:46

YANBU. It really pisses me off when there is clear favourtism within a family. I too am pretty direct and you are well within your rights to make a snidey comment or 2 about how many visits she has made to your sister and you have seen the photos on facebook.

Do it and pull her up on her behaviour.

Crosshair Mon 03-Oct-11 20:33:55

yanbu. I would be very upset. sad

Onemorning Mon 03-Oct-11 20:38:08

YANBU. My dad is similar and it's really hurtful. I've never asked him why.

chillikate Mon 03-Oct-11 20:41:25

I don't actually know if I've got the guts to ask her.

I've been signed off work today with stress and I'm finding life pretty tough and I just want my mum but then I saw THAT.

WhizziesMum Mon 03-Oct-11 20:44:48

I think you have to say something to be honest. Either that or continue wondering why! Good luck

cakeoclock Mon 03-Oct-11 20:48:47

It sounds unfair, I had something similar. Instead of confronting I started asking for help. Like, do you want to have dd this weekend? Do you want to visit us? The change was immediate and no issues now. Maybe your sister asks for help and invites your mum to visit?

You sound down so may be feeling sensitive. Why not call your mum and ask her to come and visit you as you miss her? If you confront her defences might go up and things could get worse. Chances are she thinks you can manage/ thinks you don't want her around etc x hugs hope you get it sorted x

budgieshell Mon 03-Oct-11 20:55:57

I think through life we get different amounts of support from our parents. There has been times when my parents have been there for me. At the moment my DB is getting a lot of child care from our parents maybe they feel he needs it more than me. I'm sure if I asked for help it would be there. I don't begrudge the things they do for my DB though.

perhaps an 'open invitation' isn't enough. Maybe your sister asks her to come and suggests a date?

Before confronting her, why not try "Hi mum, I wondered if you wanted to come and visit us, how about the weekend after next? No? what about the one after that? No? well, when is good for you?"

If she doesn't want to do that, then it leads naturally on to - I couldn't help but notice that you have visited X 6 times this year, but not been here and I wondered why.

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