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ExH drunkenly abusing neighbours

(9 Posts)
Happydogsaddog Mon 03-Oct-11 12:12:35

Not so much AIBU as WWYD, quick back story, ExH has a drink problem, my family vaguely aware but accept it as part of him. He comes round to see the children, once they are in bed he starts drinking but I diplomatically send him home. On occasion he has become abusive but I've handled it and he goes and I ignore all the apologies and guilt-tripping as he makes his way home.
So far so good...
Last night he was particularly drunk (North London derby), I was tidying back garden and went out the side alley to put recycling out to hear a commotion up the road, oh yes, he is standing there shouting the odds at a few boys my age who I happen to know (and know their mum), threats were exchanged with the mother sending her mouthy sons inside and telling ExH to go home. Now am absolutely mortified, I couldn't go over as I'm not leaving the children in the house while I'm over controlling him. WWYD in regards to the mother?
TIA

GalaxyWeaver Mon 03-Oct-11 12:14:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agree with galaxy.

Groovee Mon 03-Oct-11 12:16:06

I'd refuse to let him drink in my house. I'd also not apologise as it's him at fault not you. You aren't responsible for him.

mumsamilitant Mon 03-Oct-11 12:36:28

Apologise on his behalf (this would stick in my throat but you have to live there). Tell him not to come to your house pissed ever again. You shouldn't be letting him in in that state.

ShoutyHamster Mon 03-Oct-11 14:10:15

If he wants to visit his children, he does so sober.

While he is visiting his children, he is busy spending time with them and has no need to drink. Alcohol is not allowed on visits.

When they have gone to bed - he leaves.

If he turns up drunk - he's not fit to see them and doesn't get let in.

Those basic, fair rules should solve this problem - good luck!!

cestlavielife Mon 03-Oct-11 14:33:44

let him go apologise.

and do what they say - he does not drink in your house. full stop. he can go to his home/the pub to drink/watch football. .

Happydogsaddog Mon 03-Oct-11 14:50:27

Thanks ladies, there's absolutely nobody I could confide in, I live away from my family and they wouldn't understand, plus don't want to disappoint them by him creating this drama, going to follow your rules. If I see the mother then I will apologise for the grief but not necessarily for his actions, God this is so embarassing blushblushblush

EricNorthmansMistress Mon 03-Oct-11 15:51:16

Agree with the others - apologise to the woman, no you are not responsible for his behaviour but when you invite someone to your house you take responsibility for them in a way. Then make it clear to him that he doesn't drink before, or during contact with the DCs, and he leaves when they are in bed before he starts drinking. I cannot believe you let him sit in your house getting pissed TBH. Get some boundaries!

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