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to ask that if passers-by want to judge my toddler in a buggy they should at least get out of earshot?

(126 Posts)
welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 10:29:57

really! To have the time and inclination to judge on it is one thing (really, aren't there more awful things to worry about?) but to comment on it while I can still hear them on a quiet street is well, just dim (not to mention rude) hmm

Yes, he is in a pushchair and yes he does look about 3 yrs old (he's not, he's 2.5 and tall) but we also have a two mile round trip to ds1's school over some incredibly busy roads. He can walk about half a mile at a fair pace but after that it becomes a snail's pace unless we are going to the park.

AIBU to have a little whinge about this? I certainly try not to go around judging automatically. And no, I wasn't brave enough to turn around and say all of the above. Not around here grin

lesley33 Mon 03-Oct-11 10:31:11


GalaxyWeaver Mon 03-Oct-11 10:32:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 03-Oct-11 10:33:24

YANBU I dont why people get so judgey about stuff like this. It doesn't directly affect them does it?

aldiwhore Mon 03-Oct-11 10:33:25

YANBU to be very annoyed. YABVU to expect snidey judged sneering people to be out of earshot, its precisely the fact they ARE in earshot that gives them a warm glow in their icy hearts, YABU to expect to change them!

You could teach your child to shout obscenities at them, that would REALLY make their day!

welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 10:45:56

Lol aldiwhore at the glow in their icy hearts! grin and you're right, if I could teach ds2 to shout obsecenities it would paint a fab picture for them! Pop a greggs sausage roll in one hand and a fruit shoot in the other to make it even better? grin Mind you, even I would judge then wink (but keep my mouth shut!).

Glad I'm not considered to BU. It was just so rude.

FantasticVoyage Mon 03-Oct-11 10:49:38

YABU. We keep children in pushchairs longer than we should (and yes, I've been guilty of this too).

If he's two-and-a-half then he's capable of walking two-and-a-half miles per day.

itisnearlysummer Mon 03-Oct-11 10:50:06

YANBU to have a little whinge. People are annoying! There are a lot of people on here who will say they've never been openly judged and maybe they haven't, but it is annoying when it happens.

When DS was a baby I got loudly tutted at by an elderly man. To this day, I'm still not sure why - DS was appropriately dressed, sleeping soundly in his pram. I decided later it must have been because I looked quite young at the time and perhaps it was that.

I gave DS a rare unhealthy treat in a supermarket as I paid for it at the checkout and the woman on the checkout said "I'm sure you'd prefer something healthier that that, wouldn't you?" hmm

"I think he needs changing/is hungry" at crying DS in supermarket. No he just really hated being inside shops and started screaming in his pram the minute we walked through the door and stopped the minute we walked out. A nice lady offered to hold my basket for me so I could get him out for a cuddle.

DD is small for her age so we get the other end of the spectrum comments to you.

It is really annoying and people should keep their mouths shut!

I judge people all the time - and don't believe anyone who says they don't. But would NEVER articulate my judgyness for them to hear because that would be so rude and at least as U as anything they were doing.

happyhorse Mon 03-Oct-11 10:57:16

FantasticVoyage - do you suggest that the OP gets a cattle prod to shoo him along faster? She's given her reasons for him being in a buggy - which sound perfectly sensible to me.

Why not just yell over your shoulder "He's two and a half and we have a five mile round trip. Thanks for your comments."

I don't see why people should get away with being arses.

snailoon Mon 03-Oct-11 10:58:24

Has anyone ever confronted one of these loud commenters? In a polite, well-informed way that makes them blush?

aquashiv Mon 03-Oct-11 10:58:59

Folks! I used to have the opposite, dd had to alot more walking from 16 months old when her twin brothers came along. The no of times my nieghbour would take it upon herself to tell me I was committing some form of child cruelty for 'making her walk' everywhere.
Do what works for you, stuff anyone who judges you.

five mile? two mile of course. blush

But then, it's 2 miles twice a day, isn't it? so 4 miles a day walk for him all in. That's a lot for a toddler, I think. And they WILL go really slow so it will end up taking your whole day!

welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 11:01:13

Fantasticvoyage, yes, you are right, he is capable of the walk. I know because on weekends we let them loose in the woods and they keep running going all day grin but sadly I can't spare four hours a day to do the morning and afternoon school runs [shrug] and I think that is where I am coming from here... that there is always more behind what you see, that it is therefore not fair to judge automatically, and well, to do so in earshot is just bad manners.

welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 11:05:38

aquashiv now, why doesn't that surprise me! People always know better than you about your own life, don't they!

hecate yes, it's 4 miles a day (wish someone would tell my flabby bottom that, though! You'd think that 20 miles fast striding a week would have me looking fab, wouldn't you!wink) If time is limited and a pace needs to be maintained, it is just too much for a 2.5 year old.

TruthSweet Mon 03-Oct-11 11:06:00

Try having a 'ordinary' looking (for want of a better word - sorry) 3y/o who easily looks 5 (she's the same size or bigger than some of DD1's Y1 classmates) in an enormous special needs pushchair.

Not only do people comment in her earshot (two 'ladies' behind us on the bus spent the entire journey talking about 'in my day we folded our prams on the bus/our children rode their bikes into town as soon as they were 2/we were more considerate of others needs and blah blah blah' I have a huge child in a huge pushchair and a toddler in a sling don't you think I'd make her walk if she could??? I couldn't even fold it as DD2 was wearing DD1's slippers as her feet were so swollen so wasn't able to stand while I folded it) but people have actually told DD2 to get out of the pram so her little sister can get in it (DD3 was being carried at the time and is nearly 2). I had to hiss 'She has arthritis' at her so DD2 got patted on the head then angry

<and breathe>

People judge all the time I just wish they either directed it at me or did it internally. Not at my child who doesn't need to feel even more different than she already does through no fault of her own.

Bramshott Mon 03-Oct-11 11:07:05

FantasticVoyage - can you explain what problems having a 2.5 year old (or even a 3 or 4 yr old) still in a buggy causes? Either for the child, their parents or society as a whole?

GwendolineMaryLacey Mon 03-Oct-11 11:11:17

I didn't judge but I did inwardly comment on the size of the child I saw squeezed into a Zapp this morning. I don't care how old he was etc (he looked about 8 but i know enough to know that means nothing) but it was the sheer size and how much of him was hanging out over the edge of what is quite a small pushchair that made me smile

OatcakeCravings Mon 03-Oct-11 11:11:29

In general I wish people would just fuck off!

welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 11:12:02

sad truthsweet that is soooo not on. If only judging could be replaced with some thought for how your dd feels. Tut tut.

GwendolineMaryLacey Mon 03-Oct-11 11:12:36

And I am quite happy to put my 3.8yo in the pushchair if she is having one of her 'independent' days. It's either that or swing for her grin

welliesandpyjamas Mon 03-Oct-11 11:13:21

oatcake grin

PassTheTwiglets Mon 03-Oct-11 11:15:30

We keep children in pushchairs longer than we should

You mean longer than you think we should. There are no safety issues, there is no advice not to put a child in a buggy, nothing. It's your own odd opinion. As logn as the child is getting plenty of exercise then an odd trip in the buggy does absolutely no harm whatsoever.

OP, YANBU. People are so rude. I had DS in a buggy the other day (he has just turned 4) - we were running late for school and, as it takes twice as long to get there when he walks, I shoved him in the buggy so that we wouldn't be late. Another mum chatted to us on the way and asked DS what he got for his birthday and then added "you certainly didn't get a pair of legs for your birthday, did you?" RUDE!

Lambzig Mon 03-Oct-11 11:18:56

YANBU. My DD is 18 months old and quite small for her age, but a good walker. On Saturday she had been walking for about 10 mins with me across the common and was clearly getting tired and starting to stumble and it was really busy, so I put her back in the pushchair and a woman walking behind me said "there is no need to baby her, you dont need the pushchair, she is walking fine, I saw her". I wish I had thought of a good retort at the time, but ended up just ignoring her. So judgey.

TruthSweet Mon 03-Oct-11 11:19:39

Oatcakes - If only there was a like button I would have pressed it a 1000 times grin

wellies - Yes I agree completely but as she's in a SN pushchair because her joints hurt/she gets tired that makes her ears stop working much like adults in wheelchairs can't decide if they have milk or sugar in their tea with out being talked loudly at, or their companion being asked instead @@@@

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