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to wonder how you ditch people as friends without creating too much bad feeling?

(15 Posts)
Feelingveryalone Mon 03-Oct-11 10:09:21

Do you just stop talking to them and ignore them from now on? Stop contacting them and if they contact you just ignore them or make excuses not to meet up?

I am ditching a friend as she's constantly unreliable and is very selfish, but I have to come into contact with her at times (ie school pick up) and we have mutual friends so I don't want to create bad feeling. She is still on my Facebook friends, obviously if I deleted her she would probably notice and be upset so I guess it's best to leave her on there and just not have any communication with her on there?

I have ditched friends before in the past but it's always ended up becoming nasty or causing a rift, I really want to avoid any of that hassle this time.

lesley33 Mon 03-Oct-11 10:11:42

Don't "ditch" them as such. Make excuses not to go out with her, talk to her at pick up time if she talks to you, but talk to others as well. You need to be polite and not unfriendly, but just create some distance.

2BoysTooLoud Mon 03-Oct-11 10:14:06

Err interesting name op for a friend dumper!
Just keep it light and friendly? Hi at the school pick up/ drop off with a smile.
Just drift.
There is no nice way. I don't like being dropped and it has happened to me.
Drifting I guess most gentle way.

ViviPru Mon 03-Oct-11 10:14:59

"just stop talking to them and ignore them from now on"

Pretty much. Just be really vague if pressed. And don't confide in any mutual friends of your decision. Vagueness is key.

On FB, keep her as a friend but just exclude her from any status updates/photo uploads etc - she'll just think you've gone quiet or won't even notice.

Quietly dropping friends on occasion is an essential part of successful living.

aldiwhore Mon 03-Oct-11 10:15:16

The peaceful way is a long slow process.

Put her on limited profile on FB, she probably won't notice. Keep saying hello on school drop off, just don't stay and chat. Don't ignore her, but don't make the first moves with contact.

Be prepared for it to be a looooooong haul though. I've been distancing myself from one friend for about 3 years!! So slowly that if ever it came up in conversation I can (be a coward) and say we just drifted apart. No one is hurt, and after a while, no one cares.

I guess it depends on the mutual friends etc., and how often you'd have to be in the same space as her?

AMumInScotland Mon 03-Oct-11 10:18:13

Just let it drift - be busy when she suggests things, make vague responses rather than definite plans, chat when you bump into her but don't make any particular effort.

Freindships aren't like relationships - you don't have to be in them or split up. They vary from deep important ones to vague casual ones. Just gradually move her out from your inner circle of friends you actually make an effort with.

"Ditching" people is always going to cause offence, so you should save it for when you've had a big falling out, or they've done something totally unacceptable.

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse Mon 03-Oct-11 10:46:35

I agree with MumInScotland, just gradually let it all drift

cumbria81 Mon 03-Oct-11 10:50:34

ffs, this is all very childish.

if she's selfish and unreliable just tell her.

aquashiv Mon 03-Oct-11 11:19:56

LOL Cumbria!
Just be busy, works for me. Any how, she isnt a friend if she makes you feel like this this.

ViviPru Mon 03-Oct-11 11:21:21

really cumbria? Sounds like a recipe for an avoidable shitstorm to me. Takes all sorts though.

Feelingveryalone Mon 03-Oct-11 11:24:35

ViviPru, that was my thought too. I have been known in the past to tell people what I think of them but I think in my current situation it just isn't appropriate as it would cause very bad feeling, much discomfort and might affect mutual friends too. Also I think that it's kinder to just drift away from someone.

ViviPru Mon 03-Oct-11 11:26:50

There's far too much credence given to honesty & frankness in friendships. I think its only crucial in close family/partnership relationships that really matter.

InPraiseOfBacchus Mon 03-Oct-11 11:47:23

I've had to do this, and it is extremely hard!

My advice is to stand your ground, and the MOST important thing is to keep as quiet as you can about it to people who are not directly involved. Entering into long conversations/discourses/explanations will make you look petty, self interested and bitter, and give the ditched friend ammo for saying you are all of the above.

I learned the hard way! Best of luck x

gethelp Mon 03-Oct-11 12:00:03

The difficulty comes when there is a social event that the 'friend' would have been included in, but is now excluded. That is where I struggle. In fact I have reduced some of my socializing to avoid being labelled as manipulative. Friendships can be hard, as well as making life worth living.

DontGoCurly Mon 03-Oct-11 12:07:52

Its tricky, much better when you don't have to pysically see them. Definitely don't be upfront with her. Selfish people don't want to hear the truth!

I am in the final stages of distancing myself from one. Really toxic, I worked with her for years but thankfully no longer. She phoned me last week, I let it go to voicemail. She left a breezy message.

She usually just wants something, wants to dig for information (preferably negative, she enjoys that) or wants to talk at me about some dickhead she is stalking (she's married) and the sex texts they send <vomit>

Anyway, I dread bumping into her. But I am so much happier without her.

It's hard! I think just say hello and be very, very vague!

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