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Not AIBU more WWYD, very petty and unimportant but need quick answers

(22 Posts)
GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 02-Oct-11 08:45:48

I have one DD (6) whose father (ExP) has also got his other DD (10) living with him. ExP and I broke up when DD was 1.

ExPDD started living with him 3 years ago, having moved 300 miles down here because her mother was on heroin and an alcoholic. The CPU basically told ExP that she would go into care if he didn't take her. Fair play to ExP as he has stepped up to the mark here (prior to that he'd been basically a crap and uninterested father). He has changed a lot and although we have different parenting ideas and priorities, he's generally a pretty decent father.

ExP doesn't generally make an effort to do things with the DDs though. He has our DD one night a fortnight. His idea of 'doing something' is taking them to the park (fair enough better than some dads and not much money). He doesn't drive but as far as I'm aware, he's never taken his DD on a train to the cinema or just out for a meal etc (she has of course been on a train, but it's always been for general stuff to do - clothes shopping when needed, food shopping etc). However ExPDD doesn't miss out on things as her best friend's mum is generally amazing. BF's mum has ExPDD four nights a week as ExP works nights, ferrys them to different clubs (which in fairness ExP pays for for his DD) and even took ExPDD camping the other weekend.

Anyway, getting to the WWYD bit ...

DD stayed at ExP's last night and I would usually pick her up at midday. However I rang ExP last night and asked if it would be ok to pick her up about 10ish as I thought I would take advantage of the good weather and take her to an adventureish smallish theme park around here. No problem he said. I then texted him this morning and asked if his DD would like to come with us (for a change and for her to do something) but I also said it was £12.50 to get in which I couldn't afford. He text back saying it was a nice idea, but he can't afford it.

This is where our parenting ideas are different (and also one of the reasons we broke up). He told me he was going to the pub today to watch his footie team. He was also at the pub on Friday (I saw him coming out of there whilst driving past) and he said as it was a nice day yesterday when I dropped DD off, they may be stopping for a quick pint and ice cream. So he'll have spent far more than that on drink over the course of the weekend - and does every weekend. One of the reasons we broke up is that he didn't care if we didn't have food on the table as long as he had money to get a pint or four.

ExP has no qualms of taking advantage of people and almost doesn't realise when he is (or gives a good impression of not realising hmm ) and that's why I put the price in the text and said I couldn't afford it otherwise he would have just assumed it was gratis and would never offer to pay (has done that before when I took his DD to the cinema - despite me putting the price in the text)

So do I take his DD anyway just for a nice change for her (technically I could afford it, it wouldn't 'break the bank') or do I not.

GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 02-Oct-11 08:46:07

Sorry didn't realise it was so long blush

lollilou Sun 02-Oct-11 08:50:28

I would take her it's going to be a fantastic day weather wise, the last of the summer. I'm sure the 2 girls will really enjoy it. Could you ask your ex to pay you back at a later date?

babybarrister Sun 02-Oct-11 08:51:16

Yesi. Take her if you can afford it

kat2504 Sun 02-Oct-11 08:51:37

If you can afford it and the two girls are good friends I would do it as a one off treat, just like you might pay for your daughter to take a school friend with her.
It does sound like he has his priorities wrong but as he is now your ex, how he spends his money is his business.
If you feel like being generous and you think the two girls would have a nice day together, then try just seeing it as a favour to her, not as a freebie to him.
If you feel it would be yet another taking the piss from him that would annoy you for days to come, don't bother and tell him you can't afford the extra ticket.

Paschaelina Sun 02-Oct-11 08:53:18

I probably would, as a one off, tbh. Its not really her fault and you're obviously happy to have her. I would probably make some very pointed remarks to him though.

LiviaAugusta Sun 02-Oct-11 08:53:59

I'd take her, it's not her fault if he CBA to pay for her to have the odd treat.

DownbytheRiverside Sun 02-Oct-11 08:54:15

Take her if you an afford it, the girls are half-sisters and it might be nice to build up a relationship between them based on good, shared experiences.

pictish Sun 02-Oct-11 08:54:44

Yes I'd take her. x

Backtobedlam Sun 02-Oct-11 08:55:25

If you can afford it take her to. It'll be nice for your dd to have company too and it'll be a lovely day out. Its a shame for her to miss out and see your dd going off for the day

ThePosieParker Sun 02-Oct-11 08:56:16

Awww take her and have a lovely day. smile

GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 02-Oct-11 09:02:58

Thank you all. Yes I was thinking that it was a bit unfair to see us go off for a day out whilst she'd be stuck in the pub watching footie or left at home alone whilst ExP is at the pub.

It isn't her fault what he's like and I do feel bad for her considering what she went through with her mum etc. She is an absolutely lovely girl, no trouble whatsoever, polite and has really really come out of her shell since being down here.

If you feel like being generous and you think the two girls would have a nice day together, then try just seeing it as a favour to her, not as a freebie to him.

You've hit in on the head there Kat and you're absolutely right.

I will take her as a treat for her not helping him out.

ShoutyHamster Sun 02-Oct-11 09:41:25

Yes to taking them both - forget about him - what a nice person you are!

WilsonFrickett Sun 02-Oct-11 10:58:06

Well done OP and I hope you had a lovely day - it's pissing down here now so I'm glad we gave homework the flick and spent every afternoon in the park last week grin

GreatBallsOfFluff Sun 02-Oct-11 18:21:44

We all had a lovely day out today - it really was fantastic. DD definitely enjoyed having her big sister there. ExP gave me a token £5 when I picked ExPDD up after I mentioned the fact that he was going to the pub.

He was slightly 'merry' when I dropped her back just now, but I don't care as the way I look at it, it's going to be the DDs' choices when they get older whether they want to make the effort or not to see him (his DS is only 18 and doesn't ever see him, despite living literally just round the corner - 10 steps and you're there type thing).

It really really was a perfect day today.

Anyway thank you all for your help this morning grin grin

fluffystabby Sun 02-Oct-11 18:24:05

You sound lovely

And I'm so glad you all had a nice day.

Paschaelina Sun 02-Oct-11 19:59:59

Good. Glad you all enjoyed yourselves. Definitely the right thing to do.

Kayano Sun 02-Oct-11 20:01:06

I'm so glad you updated and had a fab day grin

gigglepigg Sun 02-Oct-11 20:07:08

id take her but say to him when the kids arent there, might be a nice idea to get your priorities right pal

LunarRose Sun 02-Oct-11 20:07:17

Don't know if it was the right thing to do

But it was definitely the loveliest

smile

LunarRose Sun 02-Oct-11 20:07:36

thanks

TidyDancer Sun 02-Oct-11 20:10:48

I'm so pleased you had a lovely day! You so did the right thing! smile

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