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AIBU to be angry to hear that the mother of one of DD's friends offered them WKD at a recent party - ?

(99 Posts)
firebird777 Sat 01-Oct-11 12:24:46

DD is 14 now and she has a core group of three friends who she has gone to school with since reception so i know all the parents from junior school. now at high school other girls have joined the group and around easter this year one of the "new girls" had a sleepover for her 14th birthday
although invited DD did not attend - they went to the beach first and DD came home rather than to the sleepover (covered in sand - they had been having a sand fight - awww )
so two weeks ago DD asked (bless) if she was allowed to drink WKD at another "new Girls" 14th sleepover party - i was shocked and said no which is when it all came out that the other friends had all been offered and accepted WKD by "new girl 1" mother back at easter !! some of them were still 13 at the time
DD says some of her friends had been given permission to drink alcohol this time and "new girl 2" was asking who wanted some on fb so her mother knew how much to buy!
is it just me - as i am not a big drinker - that finds this shocking? i mean its illegal for a start and although DD stuck to her promise and didn't drink with her friends a precedent has now been set and i am unsure whether to go with the majority or risk DD lying to me in future or feeling left out
i really strongly believe that 13/14 is too young for WKD - especially something marketed as "a bit naughty" and i know i will not be offering it at DD's party in december but i seem to be the only person bothered by this AIBU ?

Greensleeves Sat 01-Oct-11 12:25:55

no, it's really wrong and I would be pissed off.

squeakytoy Sat 01-Oct-11 12:27:30

It isnt illegal at all if it in the home, and not on licenced premises.

Teenagers at that age are likely to be developing a interest in drinking, so I would much rather my 14yo be somewhere with an adult who is monitoring it than sneaking off behind my back with her mates, getting drunk and putting herself into danger.

StealthPolarBear Sat 01-Oct-11 12:27:31

Yes it's illegal, and no yanbu

StealthPolarBear Sat 01-Oct-11 12:28:29

" "new girl 2" was asking who wanted some on fb so her mother knew how much to buy!"

It's illegal to buy alcohol with the intention of giving it to an under 18. It's not illegal to offer them a drink in the home, no.

StealthPolarBear Sat 01-Oct-11 12:29:14

and WKD???? I'd have been slightly more sympathetic to a glass of champagne, but this is alcoholic tooth rot marketed at teens

HeidiKat Sat 01-Oct-11 12:30:38

It seems a bit young but a friend's mum got bacardi breezers for us at a 16th birthday party so not that much different, it kind of depends on how much they were getting, one each would probably be ok but any more than that is going too far.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 12:31:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves Sat 01-Oct-11 12:33:38

also this daft woman has taken away the choice from the parents of the other teenagers

I'd be furious

firebird777 Sat 01-Oct-11 12:34:11

i feel like my hands are tied - if i express my disapproval to the mothers, school or even to the other parents - given none of them seem to disapprove i risk a backlash against DD
i feel that everyone is condoning it because at least they are not drinking in secret - but they wouldn't have been drinking at all if it wasn't for this other mother - but i feel like there is nothing i can do
(except rant on mumsnet and maybe raise awareness in other parents in the same situation)

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 12:34:35

TBH I wouldn't be too worried if it was my daughter. My parents allowed me to have a bit of whatever I wanted to try at home/restaurants etc and at 15 I had quite a few margueritta's at a lunch out (Mum, our friends & I were trying all the flavours (I was the only non adult there)). Looking back I don't know that they would have been best pleased with me drinking any alcohol out of the house, but at a friends house her Mum used to let us have some wine coolers (yes showing my age grin) but because alcohol wasn't an issue at home I never felt the need to get plastered or to hide it - it just never occured to me to say anything to my parents. I have a very healthy attitude to alcohol and IMO it comes from my parents very healthy approach to it when I was growing up. I did see them drunk, I also saw them having a single beer or glass of wine etc

In your case I would probably tell DD that while I don't think it's a good idea to drink a lot at her age, I don't mind if she has say 1 WKD if the others are and she wants to. Lots of kids her age are down the park getting rat faced on cider & their parents are often supplying it - I don't think your DD is about to go down that route if you keep talking to her and give her a little leeway.

TheVermiciousKnid Sat 01-Oct-11 12:36:28

I would be furious too. There is a big difference between parents giving their own children a little bit of alcohol to try and other parents offering it at a party to your children without your knowledge. It would really piss me off, no matter if the child is 14, 15 or 16. angry

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 12:37:31

It doesn't have anything to do with the school.

I can see that it's annoying that a new person has been the one to start doing this and yes, it may have taken longer for one of the 'core group' to do a similar thing - but it's only a matter of time before it happens.

aldiwhore Sat 01-Oct-11 12:37:56

I'd be pissed off that the mother was the one offering, its really no adult other than the parent to decide when to offer alcohol.

Your dd sounds lovely in that she asked you first.

The 'normal' thing, which wouldn't have bothered me as much (at 14 not younger) would be if somehow the girls got hold of some WKD and were drinking it without adult permission... although that would be wrong of them, its almost a rite of passage not do these things incognito at parties.

queenmaeve Sat 01-Oct-11 12:39:33

but chipping that was your parents decision for their child. that is totally acceptable. but it is so not acceptable for someone else to give alcohol to your child.

StealthPolarBear Sat 01-Oct-11 12:41:59

there is a school of thought that says if you let teenagers try alcohol in the home they won't grow up to abuse it. Not everyone agrees! The other parents obviously think they are doing a good thing.

(and it really is tooth rot - I used to drink it and my tetth were so sensitive and sore if I'd had 2 or 3 the night before)

marriedinwhite Sat 01-Oct-11 12:42:30

Agree with Chippingin. Also congratulations on having a daughter who is mature enough to talk to you about the WKD and to ask if it's OK if she has one. She sounds mature enough to have a chat to you about alcohol and about how you feel a bit uncomfortable about it but that you don't mind if she only has one providing she is aware of the dangers of getting a bit tipsy if she were to have more.

Mine are almost 17 and 13. I believe the eldest had his first vodka shot or two at a party for a friends older sibling when he was about 14/15. If they are sensible enough to talk to you they are sensible enough to have a bit of leeway, be a bit grown up and make a few mistakes when they are still young enough to take a bit of guidance and for us to be around to pick up the pieces if necessary -and probably it won't be because they are talking to us about what they are up to.

squeakytoy Sat 01-Oct-11 12:42:38

but they wouldn't have been drinking at all if it wasn't for this other mother

How can you know this. I was regularly having a drink at that age, at weekends with my friends. I came from a family who were almost teetotal, dad didnt drink at all, mum would have the occasional half a lager or a sherry.

I didnt turn into an alcholic, in fact in my later teens I rarely drank as I drove most of the time.

zukiecat Sat 01-Oct-11 12:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty Sat 01-Oct-11 12:49:03

I agree with Squeaky here

And it's not illegal

You can give alcohol to a child aged 5yrs old as long as it's in a private home.

Whatmeworry Sat 01-Oct-11 12:50:21

YANBU - if it were beer or wine thats one thing, but crap vodka drinks show unspeakably bad taste.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 12:51:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnscary Sat 01-Oct-11 12:52:06

I drank alcohol behind my parents back from the age of 12 and got into all types of dodgy situations. I really really don't want my dc to go down the same route.
Yes there is a case for allowing one drink at home and encouraging sensible drinking etc but I would also be v angry, op. Yanbu.

I'd be pissed off with the type of drink, with taking away your choice and also reinforcing the 'parties are not fun without booze' message.
Dh and I drink a fair bit of wine at home though so I know I am a hypocrite and are not setting a good example.

AgentZigzag Sat 01-Oct-11 12:52:27

I let my 10 YO have a bit of her dads beer in a shandy occasionally and obviously don't see anything wrong with that.

My first reaction was the same as Greensleeves, that the parents had taken away your choice in the matter.

But at 14, I think your DD has to take some responsibility herself for the decision to drink the alcohol or not, and she did, and chose not to.

I think that's what you have to take away from the situation, that she's getting older and is obviously absoloutely fine in making up her own mind not to drink at the moment.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 12:55:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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