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To think dh should not drink and look after dd

(30 Posts)
KinsoM Sat 01-Oct-11 12:09:01

First time posting. Am furious with dh. Our 8 month old dd is not a great sleeper. She is still breastfeeding in the night at 11pm, 2.30am and 4.30am and then awake at 6am. She is over 20 pounds so really doesn’t need the milk.
Dh was meant to help me wean her off these night feeds, starting this weekend so he could catch up on lost sleep. Our friend Jim was round last night and the two of them were playing computer games.
I want to bed at 9pm and dh very kindly let me sleep by looking after dd. She woke at 4.30am really wanting a feed and I got up to see to her expecting dh to be very tired. Went downstairs and found dh and Jim still awake at 4.30am and dh was quite drunk. He said she woke at 1.30am, had some water and did not want to go back to sleep so he brought her downstairs with him and Jim.
Am so angry, his intensions were quite sweet, letting me catch up on much needed sleep but him and his friend got through 4 bottles of wine. While he was not staggering around it was obvious he had been drinking. He is still in bed as did not turn in until 5.30am, what on should I say to him when he wakes.
Most of the time he is a great dh and dad.

Tee2072 Sat 01-Oct-11 12:11:49

Well, if he does it every weekend, say 'this has to stop.'

If he hasn't ever done this before 'I hope you had fun and your head isn't too bad' hand him DD and go for a coffee.

featherbag Sat 01-Oct-11 12:11:59

YANBU, that amount of alcohol would render anyone incapable of properly caring for a child. If you really want to drink that much, you make sure you are not responsible for a LO. No advice on what to say, I would probably blow my lid tbh!

featherbag Sat 01-Oct-11 12:12:13

Oh, and he would certainly not be still in bed!

squeakytoy Sat 01-Oct-11 12:13:38

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You were in the house, you got a good sleep... and as you say, he wasnt staggering around.

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 12:14:34

I agree with Tee.

Except I'd take DD out with me & not subject her to two grumpy blokes with hangovers. It's better that they sleep this morning then he can take DD this afternoon/evening/night.

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 01-Oct-11 12:15:23

I don't really get what you're so angry about.

solidgoldbrass Sat 01-Oct-11 12:16:09

So he looked after her for a while at 1.30 am then put her back to bed and carried on drinking? I don't see what the problem is with that, she has come to no harm and nor has anyone else.

pigletmania Sat 01-Oct-11 12:17:20

Well your dd was not alone in the house with two drunk men, you were there if needed too.

KinsoM Sat 01-Oct-11 12:18:36

Thanks for all the posts. Should probably been clearer, He did not put her back to bed at 1.30am she was wide awake and with them downstairs from 1.30am till 4.30am.

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 12:23:42

Sorry - I'm sniggering and thinking 'men' (just wait for the F's to shoot me down!). Only a man would think that was a good idea though really grin

Anyway, no harm done. If he's doing it all the time it's time to have a serious discussion about it, if it was a one off then a bit of eye rolling & a 'please don't do that again' should suffice.

Tyr Sat 01-Oct-11 12:23:50

It's no big deal and no harm done. I'd let it go

PaigeTurner Sat 01-Oct-11 12:26:23

I can understand you being wary - DC's dad did a night feed once after drinking and I found them an hour later and he had fallen asleep with his feet up on the baby on the sofa. I didn't think he was drunk either, but clearly he wasn't in a fit state to be looking after DC.

Birdsgottafly Sat 01-Oct-11 12:28:53

Tbh it sounds as though you both got to relax.

At this age you can still be flexible on sleep patterns and do what you need to to get more sleep. If you really want her weaned that should be the focus and after all, she went all night without being breastfed.

Proudnscary Sat 01-Oct-11 12:38:56


I don't know any parent that doesn't have a binge now and then, when at home with dc.

No harm done, all is good.

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 01-Oct-11 12:41:14

She was up with them for 3 hours while they continued to get twatted?

Yeah, I would be pretty pissed off with that actually.

squeakytoy Sat 01-Oct-11 12:44:56

I doubt at 8 months she was aware that they were drunk... they were playing computer games, and if they had been partying, OP would have been woken up by the noise I suspect..

BertieBotts Sat 01-Oct-11 12:44:57

"Only a man would think that was a good idea" - I'm not a man, sounds like something I'd do. Probably not being massively pissed, sure, but I've just got up and gone downstairs with DS before when he really wasn't settling. Sometimes routines aren't as important as keeping your sanity.

Still as part of a prearranged plan it was a bit out of order.

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 01-Oct-11 13:18:38

I wouldn't want someone who had consumed the best part of 2 bottles if wine to be the adult in charge of my baby.

I would prefer to be woken up.

PamBeesly Sat 01-Oct-11 13:24:11

YANBU 4 bottles of wine between two is a huge amount at any time not least of all when caring for a baby. I'd be furious. I hope your husband has apologised and knows this is something he can't do again. Especially getting plastered when your DD was up with them

KinsoM Sat 01-Oct-11 13:49:17

I was a bit shocked by the number of people who thought 2 bottles of wine was fine when looking after a baby. Was most annoyed by the fact they did not stop drinking when she woke up at 1.30am and stayed awake until 4.30am. Dh has not apologized (is not in his nature to admit he is wrong) but he has been a bit sheepish since waking.
I have calmed down a bit and do realize he needs some relaxation and me time, in future it will be on his own minus dd.

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 13:53:29

I could drink two bottles of wine over that period of time and be just fine - people process alcohol differently. He's a big boy - staying up until 4.30 is allowed grin I still don't really understand what it is you think your DH did wrong, so I'm not suprised he hasn't apologised - he probably doesn't know what to apologise for.... except maybe not doing a better job of settling DD at 1.30?

KinsoM Sat 01-Oct-11 13:56:26

He is actually not that big, weighs 10 stone and does not process alcohol brilliantly while not staggering around he was slurring his words.

rubyrubyruby Sat 01-Oct-11 14:03:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 14:03:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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