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Estranged MIL of 2 years joined facebook & uploads pics of our wedding & or kids!

(19 Posts)
ShanBrod Sat 01-Oct-11 00:49:20

Im having a hard time on how to approch this situation, we have not spoken to IL for 2 years and have gone no contact due to it just turning out that way, MIL walks past me in the street & ignores our children also but tells my DH she doesn't have a problem with me. They never make contact for our childrens Birthdays & we have just had a new baby(6 weeks) & heard nothing which was fine by me if that how they want to be towards our children.

Anyway MIL has now joined facebook with an open profile but has personally blocked me then gone & uploaded our wedding pictures from 3 years ago & alot of pictures of our kids and im really angry about this due to her 1 not asking us and 2 not even contacting our children ever in the last 2 years.
I told her 2 years ago in an email(as talking via phone ended in arguements & me coping a mouthful) shes welcome to ring the kids & make contact but ill leave that up to her(I & DH were always running around throwing olive branches & sucking up her arse to keep the contact after the numerous fall outs we had, phoning her,emails etc).
We stopped contacting them after one of her nasty emails saying "if I lose a son & to grandchildren then so be it as I have to other sons & will have future grandchildren" which really cut up my husband as you could imagine.

How can I nicely word an email asking her to remove the pictures & mention that if she wants photos or to see our children she only has to ring or ask?

sorry if this is all over the place Im really upset by this

jade80 Sat 01-Oct-11 00:55:17

Don't bother speaking to her, ask facebook to remove them.

mumatron Sat 01-Oct-11 02:06:20

My estranged dad did this. Report the pics to fb.

Completely baffled me how he could have a photo album called 'family' when not one person in those pics would give him the time of day.

ShanBrod Sat 01-Oct-11 06:53:32

OK i've gone to report the messages from DH account and it asks why then it has a pre text message that i can add to asking for her to please delete the picture. I have a feeling once she see a message from me or DH she will make her profile privatE and just keep them on there.

ShanBrod Sat 01-Oct-11 06:55:35

sorry that's report the pictures not messagesgrin

wildhairrunning Sat 01-Oct-11 07:40:47

Report it straight to fb and if they don't take action take it up with the police as she is using pics of you and your children without your permission

fedupofnamechanging Sat 01-Oct-11 07:55:13

If she does change her profile to private, at least total strangers won't be able to see the pictures.

pigletmania Sat 01-Oct-11 09:19:37

What a nasty and toxic woman she is, I am shock. Yes report each one of the pictures to Facebook.

slavetofilofax Sat 01-Oct-11 09:24:14

I agree. Don't involve her at all, just report the pictures to facebook.

unpa1dcar3r Sat 01-Oct-11 10:12:13

As above; report and remove.

I know how you feel; my own mother has never had anything to do with my children and yet i found out she has a picture of youngest that a relative sent her not realising, on her mantelpiece, It really pees me off knowing that she can go 'oh look at my lovely grandson' like she's a normal caring nanna and yet has never once contacted me or them, sent them cards (I doubt she even know their Bdays) and couldn't care a jot about them (they are both severely disabled so we've had many problems over the years which she could've asked about but never did)

I understand your anger, she is wrong, totally wrong and you are not being unreasonable at all.

ForYourDreamsAreChina Sat 01-Oct-11 10:13:12

I thought pictures were owned by the person who took them, not the person in them (IYSWIM?)

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 01-Oct-11 10:24:04

I don't think the police can do anything, and I would be surprised if Facebook could unless there was something illegal about them. Pictures are owned by whoever took them, not the person in them.

FabbyChic Sat 01-Oct-11 10:32:31

If she had blocked you you would not be able to see her profile at all, none of it.

I would contact her via FB and ask her to remove any pictures of you or your children, tell her that she has had ample opportunity to see you but chose not to, and to use your pictures is a piss take, be firm, don't be soft.

She is taking the piss and trying to make it look like she is a good MIL and grand parent, she isn't at all.

pigletmania Sat 01-Oct-11 13:11:47

Good idea Fabby

worraliberty Sat 01-Oct-11 13:17:32

Sorry but if she took the pictures then she owns the copyrite.

TheProvincialLady Sat 01-Oct-11 13:30:57

Yes that's right - unless you took the photos, you don't own the copyright and the owner can do more or less what they like with them. The police would not be interested.

And TBH, whilst I can see why it annoys you that estranged grandparents would publicly display photos of their grandchildren, what actual harm is it doing? I genuinely don't understand the hysteria surrounding photos of children. It is reaching superstition point. People can see what your children look like any day of the week in the open air, total strangers. 99.9% of them aren't remotely interested and nor would the same percentage of internet strangers be. Even the miniscule proportion of perverts who happened to stumble across images of your children would probably already have access to vile illegal images of children and it is unlikely that they are going to go to the trouble of doctoring images of your children to make them illegal. And it is very very unlikely that they are going to hunt your children down to abuse them, even if they could locate them. They are just photos. Walking down the street not wearing a burkha is probably more risky for your children. <rant over>

SuchProspects Sat 01-Oct-11 16:28:22

If the children are under 13 Facebook will remove the images at the request of a parent or guardian - Facebook FAQ: How can I get an image of my child removed?.

The wedding photos you have less support over unless they are official photos or one's you've taken (i.e. your MIL does not have copyright). In this case the copyright owner can ask for their removal - Facebook's How to report intellectual property infringement

I think YABU to simply be annoyed that she's putting up photos though. So what?

ShanBrod Sun 02-Oct-11 01:03:39

Sorry to drip feed Suchprospects I should of mentioned DH doesn't use facebook anymore due to his job and the risk of being identified or incase of people holding a grudge and trying to find him so his account is deactivated normally with only a few close friends and family.
I have facebook but uses a nicname & have everything set to private & don't have any identifiable pictures. We messaged her from his account last night asking nicely if she would please remove the pictures of us and the children stating the reason above & now she has gone and blocked him but the pictures are still in view of the public(other people can still see her wall) and she has not removed them, her profile pic is also a family picture of us and them on our wedding day! She has put all our names under the photo's including the ones of our children & our un common surname.

I will try the link you suggested Thanks

SuchProspects Sun 02-Oct-11 08:23:54

That sort of thing is difficult and I can see why it would make you nervous. If it makes you feel any better I would have thought the chances of someone who wants to harm your DH finding the photos are slim unless your MIL can be easily identified by them (if you all share an uncommon surname that does make it more of an issue). You could try a (real paper!) letter to her from your DH's employer or a lawyer pointing out that it may put your family and her in harms way. After all, once they've found those photos they're better able to find her than you I would think. Appealing to self interest is often a quick and dirty way to get what you want.

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