DH and I are 32 and 37. We have recently come to the decision to start a family and have decided on adoption (for medical reasons but it is a decision we are very very positive about).
However DH has been offered a 3-year contract heading up his company's new US office. This is a massive opportunity for him and is pretty much his dream job. We have lived abroad in the past and very much enjoyed it.
If we go to the USA we won't be able to adopt while there, so would have to wait until we returned to the UK (I had hoped this wasn't the case but it is). Adoption in the UK is a far from straightforward process anyway and it could easily be another three years or more until we did become parents.
Part of me is saying, it's only three years, we should go and enjoy the time (I would be able to work as I have done before when we've been abroad), life will be financially more comfortable when we return so we'll be better placed to be prospective adoptive parents anyway. It's a big opportunity for DH.
Part of me - my 'gut feeling' I suppose - is screaming that it would be three years of limbo for me if we went. I am so ready to begin building our family. It is at the front of my mind all the time. I have had crazy thoughts about looking again at donor gametes and surrogacy which were thoughts I thought I'd worked through years ago.
But it's not immediate; if we stayed it wouldn't guarantee us anything. Except DH's resentment I mentioned just briefly that we definitely couldn't adopt and although he was upset he wasn't devastated like I am.
I think that if I made it an ultimatum, he would turn down the role. But I would feel really guilty and as I say it wouldn't guarentee anything. But that's what I want to do - I want to tell him we have to stay here, and start the process.
AIBU? I am honestly shocked by the vehemence of my reaction.
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Please
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AIBU?
to ask DH to consider turning down 'the role of a lifetime' so we can adopt?
87 replies
arrivehopefully · 30/09/2011 22:45
OP posts:
LeninGrad ·
30/09/2011 22:49
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LeninGrad ·
30/09/2011 23:00
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LeninGrad ·
30/09/2011 23:01
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