Yet another AIBU or is he?(11 Posts)
Quite long, sorry.
DP has gone to pick up his DD(7yrs) from her mums, a 2.5 hr round trip, which he has to do every other Fri evening. (XW refuses to do either drop off or pick up, but thats by the by). Tonight there has been an accident in our village, with a year 9 boy being badly hurt in a hit and run. I knew about this so warned him to take an alternative route to the motorway. Unbeknownst to me, that route was blocked by a man threatening to jump off a bridge, so DP had to take yet another route to the m'way... to find 2 lanes closed due to yet another accident.
He is now very angry at (quote) the 3 idiots who have stolen precious time with his DD. I pointed out that I'd rather be late picking my child up, than sat by my childs bed in hospital, or have my child so unhappy that they wanted to kill myself. He replied by saying that as my DS lives with me it wasnt fair to tell him he should not be angry about losing precious access time with his DD.
I do see his point, but wonder, where the eff is his empathy?
So, who is BU?
Neither of you IMO.
Empathy is all well and good, but you would go mad if you let everything that ever happened upset you. You have the benefit of (presumably) sitting at home with a cuppa and your feet up while he is sitting in traffic, possibly trying to get in touch with DD and ExW to let them know his journey time has doubled.
Cut him some slack.
Well, he might say the same to you.
I can't imagine having to live separately from my child, desperate to see her and having a long drive every fortnight to see her, only to be delayed for hours.
I'm with him on this one. He works really hard to spend time with his DD, and he has every right to be upset. I think UABU to not let him have the opportunity to vent his frustrations.
What about your empathy for the fact that he has to do a horrible journey instead of getting the most out of his precious time with his dd?
Why can't you just be supportive if he's stressed? People generally aren't at their most generous when they are doing an awful journey.
I think it's like when you hear of traffic delays on the radio, you don't really think about it being because people are getting cut out of their crashed cars, you just think about being inconvenienced. It doesn't mean that you don't care, only that you would be thoroughly miserable if you thought about the significance of these things all the time.
I don't think he should be snippy with you though - it's not your fault he doesn't live with his dd.
Unless he's completely cold-hearted I'm sure he would have empathy for the people involved in the circumstances that have caused his delay, but that's not his main priority right now - he's stuck in traffic facing a seriously long journey. He's got the hump.
I don't think either of you are BU, you're just looking at things from a different angle.
Trust me ChitChat he has been allowed to vent. But Ive felt I needed to try and calm him before he has an accident caused by driving too fast due to his stress levels. But fair enough, IABU. Big hugs for DP and DSD when they get home, grateful theyre safe and sound.
What everyone else said really.
Although YES his experience IS better than the others tonight who've lost loved ones, been injured, been so desperate they've jumped off a bridge, so with some smug perspective, yes, you are right in the grand scheme of things.
BUT you are not being relatively empathetic. Your DH has had a shit journey, all he needs is a little sympathy.
When it took 12 hours to do a 5 hour journey (holiday) I was pissed off... it had been a nightmare of a journey (the kids had to piss in empty water bottles - argh) and I was perfectly reasonable to get to the destination, have a moan and go straight to the pub for a strong cider (and I wasn't even driving)... saying that, you're right, the reason we were late was because innocent people, a family like us, had had a smash on the motorway, and people had died.
I've no empathy either I know where he is coming from, feel sad for the 9 year old though.
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