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to want to curtail my dd freindship with this child?

(21 Posts)
boohoobabywho Fri 30-Sep-11 19:38:33

my dd is best friends with the girl next door, but as soon as my dd gets somthing the friend goes out and gets it too. (imitation the sincerest form of flattery and all that)

my problem is that my dd really respects her things and the other girl doesnt. this girl keeps swaping her bashed toys for my dd pristine ones. ive even tried to lable it in indeleble marker with dd name, but next time i see it there is a bluming big sticker over the exact spot where i put dd's name. i want to rip off the lable and say ' see, this doesnt belong to you' but she is so sneaky. and smug. she knows i know.

do i make a fuss and see her mother, do i do nothing, or do i stop them playing together? all of them seem harsh, but this has been going on for ages, and has happened today, with a toy that i bought dd today. ifs brand new ffs, and now it looks as if she's been carting down the street in it.

worraliberty Fri 30-Sep-11 19:40:10

How many toys has she done this to?

I would have pulled the sticker off and shown her it didn't belong to her

troisgarcons Fri 30-Sep-11 19:40:13

How old?

GypsyMoth Fri 30-Sep-11 19:40:53

How old are they?

How old are they and how does your daughter not notice that she is swapping toys?

And yes, if you have marked your daughter's things then you go to the mother with the one you have (that is now not marked) and you say "X took the wrong toy home by mistake. This one is hers." And you point to the sticker and you say "just lift that sticker off" and she will reveal your daughter's name.

Repeat as required.

purplepidjinawoollytangle Fri 30-Sep-11 19:41:14

Speak to the mother, but only if you think you'll get the reaction you want

and re the toy you bought today - are you sure it is not the same one, bashed up from having been played with? Or did the other girl see it and right there and then go and get one and bash it up?

boohoobabywho Fri 30-Sep-11 19:42:46

they are 7/8.

my dd hero worships her.

aldiwhore Fri 30-Sep-11 19:43:12

Pull sticker off, march (pleasantly) next door, sticker in hand, evidence in t'other... show (nicely) mother of other said toy... see what happens.

Don't fall out with other mother, or be nasty about her (horrible) dd, but if the above fails... don't let your dd take HER new things next door, or anywhere near next door's dd.

You have to go right to the mother because if you just take the sticker off, the child could claim that you swapped HER toy and then put your child's name on it.

Confronting it in their home, making the mother pull off the sticker, it's the only way.

boohoobabywho Fri 30-Sep-11 19:47:33

the toy today is a tin with limited edition toys in, the whole tin lid is bashed in, It could have conciveably been caused by play today, but i just dont think so. my dd takes care of her things. then kid next door comes in with a prisitne lid on her box!

i'm hovering at the mo, cos this kid has just come in and said that she has lost/some big kids have taken, one of the toys from the tin. Now call me unreasonable, but if the exact same piece goes missing from my dd's set... i will go bananas.

incidently dh has just come in and commented that i'll have to keep my eye on that piece just incase it ends up next door.

aldiwhore Fri 30-Sep-11 19:56:18

Crikey at your dd's both having the same toys on exactly the same days! Are you 100% they're just not copying each other rather than next door's dd copying everything?

Agree with hecate that the 'outing' has to be done in front of the other parent rather than after the fact.

take that piece away! I'm not being funny but it's not rocket science grin

Either don't let them play out of your sight, or remove toys, or continue to mark everything and go straight to the mother.

She does this because she's done it and you've done nothing, so you have allowed her to think she can get away with it.

boohoobabywho Sat 01-Oct-11 21:50:05

well, i didnt do nothing last time, i asked her about it. I asked my daughter why her name wasnt on her toy any more and she said that it had 'rubbed off' then when i noticed the sticker, i said... what made you put that sticker on there, and she said my mum did it, but she looked dead shifty and wouldnt look at me for ages.

you know, as a mum, when a kid is lying to you. shortly after this the toy stopped coming out. so she was obviously hiding the evidence!

today dd said she wanted to give this girl the peice that is missing... because it isnt fair that she has had this piece stolen. i said that its not fair on you (my dd) becuase then you wont have a full set.

but she siad... but i dont mind giving it away because i dont want her upset.

I said i dont want the girl sad either but that wasnt my dd's fault. we have confiscated the peice that is in danger, but now my dd hasnt got a full set either!

not sure ive dealt with this well!

boohoobabywho Sat 01-Oct-11 21:50:53

sorry friend said... mum did it,

she's got it, she just doesn't have it to play with when this friend is around.

Well, I say 'friend', but it sounds like this girl is laying on the guilt, doesn't it? Hoping your daughter will give her the things? How many times has she done this? Are you sure your daughter hasn't swapped with her and been told not to tell you?

You know what you have to do, don't you? You have to go round there, with the toys you believe have been swapped, and ask the mum to check, saying that your daughter's things have her name on them and could you check they haven't been accidentally swapped over, because, as she can see, there are no names on these.

Do it with a big smile on your face and an 'oh, aren't kids dafties' attitude, but make her check under the stickers!!!

She'll know what really happened.

pigletmania Sun 02-Oct-11 13:21:47

Yes I would take the toy off the child and rip the label and tell the child that the toys is not theirs, it has dd name on it. Take it up with the parent if needs be, but no need to be rude.

Get one of those invisible pens hat light p with a torch and write all over your dds stuff with that wink

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 02-Oct-11 15:06:54

Oooooo, yes. Do what ApocalypseCheeseToastie said. Or that stuff that the Police use, the dye.

boohoobabywho Mon 03-Oct-11 12:15:29

thanks all posters... its lasted the weekend! will keep you informed.

Feeling all secret squirrley now!

startail Mon 03-Oct-11 12:37:28

The girl next door appeared in a dress exactly the same as the one of DD2s I've never found. I never got to the bottom of that one. Unfortunately the last time I'm certain we had the dress was in the USA on holiday.
I suspected a bit of joint lying, but neither party was going to let on. The girls family life was pretty chaotic and the dress wasn't worth enough to fuss,
I watched like a hawk for anything else, but nothing else has ever walked,

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