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to have no idea what to say to PG friend who is having her third boy?

(304 Posts)
LittleOneMum Fri 30-Sep-11 15:39:47

One of my very best friends has two boys, aged 1 and 4. I have two DCs too, same ages, but a DS (4) and DD (1). It was really nice being pg at the same time, our kids are close and until now, all well.
However, when we were both pg with DC2, she was desperate for a girl. Had a name all picked out, often spoke of organising her wedding day, etc. I was very relaxed and in my heart of hearts probably wanted another boy (but never said this).
Of course, scans showed she was having a boy and I was having a girl and she was pretty upset for a while. But she got over it and she loves her two boys and tbh my DD is pretty tomboy like so far...
Anyway, we've decided to stick with 2, and she decided to have a 3rd DC and this afternoon she rang me in tears to say that her scan showed it was a 3rd boy. She was beside herself with pain. I was totally rubbish, I didn't know what to say and although she is too nice to say so, I could so feel she was thinking "it's OK for you, you have a DD".
bloody blinking turnips what am I going to do? AIBU just to say nothing? I know that long term she will love her son, but she is in pain now and I am her friend. AAAAAARGH.

pocketfullofposies Fri 30-Sep-11 15:41:31

Just support her without mentioning your own family.

rubyslippers Fri 30-Sep-11 15:44:56

You can't say anything right now

Just support her

Deep down she must have known that there was a 50/50 chance she should have another boy

plupervert Fri 30-Sep-11 15:45:15

Thank goodness she had the scan and now has the chance to get over her disappointment before the poor child arrives! Imagine that blighting the first day's of her new child's life. sad

Iggi999 Fri 30-Sep-11 15:45:29

What was she expecting? I hope she didn't only want a 3rd if it was going to be a girl. I imagine she will get over the disappointment for the child she didn't get to have, and start looking forward to the one she will have. Anyone is entitled to feel a bit upset and to look for hand-holding from her friends - for a time - but in the end I hope she realises how great it is that her scan showed another healthy baby.

ForYourDreamsAreChina Fri 30-Sep-11 15:47:06

I don't see why you should feel guilty about mentioning your girl-including-family.

This is going to come across as hard, but in all honesty, if she was planning wedding days before even having a daughter, then she's clearly in some sort of fantasy life and needs to get a grip, before it does impact on that poor male inside her. sad

euphrosyne Fri 30-Sep-11 15:53:30

beside herself with pain, but she is in pain now
In pain? Really ?? confused

At least the unborn boy is lucky he doesn't have his wedding organised yet hmm

Your friend is being OTT and YwouldBVU to sympathize with her 'devastation'

coccyx Fri 30-Sep-11 15:57:39

If she thought she was going to over react to fact it is a boy then she should never have tried for a third child.
Was never a certainty

verytellytubby Fri 30-Sep-11 15:59:00

Beside herself with pain!

Fucking hell, she should have had my scans were I was told my baby had a very serious heart defect (which 9 years on we still are dealing with 3 operations on)

Tell her to get a grip.

verytellytubby Fri 30-Sep-11 15:59:36

It's a boy not a death sentence grin

Pinot Fri 30-Sep-11 15:59:38

I have three boys. I think her reaction is vile if I'm honest. I pity her sons, not her.

Pinot Fri 30-Sep-11 16:00:28

YY to this "^Your friend is being OTT and YwouldBVU to sympathize with her 'devastation'^" Absofuckinglutely!

usualsuspect Fri 30-Sep-11 16:02:43

I'm sure she will be ok and love her son when he is born ,she is allowed to be disappointed now though

glastocat Fri 30-Sep-11 16:03:17

Bloody hell. Your friend needs to get a grip,really.

ViolaTricolor Fri 30-Sep-11 16:03:56

Blimey, I would actually have felt most sorry for a hypoethetical daughter if she has such set ideas of what a girl would mean. No idea what you should say, sorry.

Curiousmama Fri 30-Sep-11 16:05:51

Ermmm she sounds like the sort of bonkers friend I'd avoid tbh so good on you for sticking with it. Can't stand this sort of shannanigans meself.

worraliberty Fri 30-Sep-11 16:05:51

She sounds like a bloody drama queen...poor kids.

YankNCock Fri 30-Sep-11 16:05:55

I'd give her a few days to adjust, but after that don't indulge this ridiculous behaviour. What Pinot said, I pity her sons. Will she try for a 4th now because boys are so awful? hmm

allhailtheaubergine Fri 30-Sep-11 16:08:50

OP I think in your position I would be unable to buy into the drama and devastation. I would be supportive, but in a "three boys, how lovely!" sort of way. Rightly or wrongly, I would not be able to be her shoulder to cry on, and I am not convinced that her having someone agree that it is terrible would be a healthy thing.

I had two boys, and wanted a girl third time round - but had another boy, and was completely happy about it when he arrived - it felt totally right.

A family of three boys is loud and boisterous, and has its own drawbacks, but is also a wonderful and happy thing, I promise your friend. She will completely love her third boy, and there is a real charm to being the one woman in a family of males. You do have to learn a lot about trains, planes, cars, buses and engines - sometimes I find it all utterly bewildering - and there is a lot less pink around - but my heart swells with pride when I see my three handsome young men (and the girls they bring home had better be worthy of them [stern look]wink).

allhailtheaubergine Fri 30-Sep-11 16:10:01

Actually, Yank said it much MUCH better "don't indulge her behaviour". It won't help her.

Moomoomie Fri 30-Sep-11 16:10:47

This makes me so sad. To have a baby is a gift, to be devastated to not get the sex you want is dreadful.
She needs to buck her bloody ideas up and be thankful she has another baby to love.

winterland Fri 30-Sep-11 16:10:50

She must have known there was a strong chance of a boy! Not alot you can say apart from thanking her lucky stars he is healthy..

Pinot Fri 30-Sep-11 16:11:59

Ooh I'm itching to rage at her! I have ferocious PMT, dear readers. And a fierce love for my sons!

storminabuttercup Fri 30-Sep-11 16:12:02

Yanbu to wonder what to say, I'd have very little time for her tbh. I find her reaction really sad! Are you sure she is serious?

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