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to feel useless at maybe having to start mat leave early

(34 Posts)
uselesspregnantmum Fri 30-Sep-11 15:22:55

...I am 31 weeks today and for the last two weeks have felt pretty crap. Exhausted, breathless, dizzy, headachey. My BP is up but not seriously so but I think it's all too much now. I have a full time office job but also three children Youngest is 2.5 and v.demanding - very clingy and when I get home am literally not able to put him down to make dinner, I end up just shoving crap in the oven like waffles and chicken nuggets, I've been so stressed and tired recently I've set off the smoke alarm twice by forgetting to put the oven off.

There is so much to do once I get home, nappies to wash, uniform to wash, making sure kids have done homework, changing foul cat litter, I am falling asleep on the sofa as soon as youngest ds in bed, it feels like an achievement just to wash and dry my hair. My DH is great but he works long afternoon - night shifts and so just isn't there in the evening though he does his best to tidy in the morning and get up with the kids.

I fell asleep briefly at work the other day and have had to go home twice in the last fortnight feeling ill.

I was supposed to work up to 35 weeks but every day just feels harder. I feel dizzy and rubbish after sitting at the computer for an hour, my mind isn't on the job at all. I work in an environment where you are just expected to soldier through if you're ill and bitched about if you take time off, today when I left early one person didn't even was quite rude to me, I actually sat for half an hour plucking up the courage to walk out even after my boss had said I could go as I just couldn't bear the judgement - the last woman to have a baby at my office worked up until the day before she gave birth and I just feel there is a sense that I should just get on with it and it's pregnancy, not an illness (which is true, but I am feeling ill with it).

I just feel very useless and tearful, other people manage to work through their pregnancies and I have managed to last longer with my others. I was so tired last night I forgot to check what groceries we needed and there was nothing for breakfast today, I am snappish with all my kids and just a crap worker and a crap mother not to mention a crap wife.

whackamole Fri 30-Sep-11 15:26:29

Don't be daft. I stopped at 29 weeks last time and 35 weeks this time. Pregnancy and me do not mix very well - I was spending more and more time in the sick room not able to move as I felt so ill and rubbish. Like you, I felt a bit embarrassed that another woman went off the day before she was due, as pregnancy 'is not an illness'.

I'm sorry you are not getting the support at work, sounds awful. AS bad as I ever felt at work, they never made me feel like I was taking the piss or being outrageous. There was several occasions when I was only in for an hour before I had to leave as the nausea and lightheadedness was just killing me.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Fri 30-Sep-11 15:26:39

YANBU to start early, YABU to feel useless about it, its not your fault! sad
I went off at 29 weeks with DS, was signed off sick for two weeks before my mat leave started at 31. (well, 2 weeks hol booked ready, mat leave officially started at 33 weeks)
If you are ill, then its an illness. Dont compare yourself to others, or even to your other pregnancies, every one is different.

VFVF Fri 30-Sep-11 15:27:36

You aren't rubbish! My goodness you have a full time job and three children! Thats a lot for a non pregnant person! Don't feel like you've failed, you're doing everyone a favour if you realise areas of your life are suffering and you're making the conscious descision to put tjis right by leaving work now.

P.S. If you want to compare yourself to someone, how about me, who's 15 weeks, SAHM with a very undemanding toddler, and still feels exhausted at the end of the day! I'd never cope with all you've got on!

MerylStrop Fri 30-Sep-11 15:28:02

Oh, lovey

Give yourself a break

If your fellow workers have a problems with presenteeism that's their lookout!

You are perfectly entitled to go on mat leave when you need and want to.
If it makes you feel better I stopped work at 33 weeks with my first baby just because I could!

Do what's best for your, your family and your baby.

SpanishPaella Fri 30-Sep-11 15:29:11

the two year old is still a baby, no wonder he is 'clingy' , poor little chap.

Andrewofgg Fri 30-Sep-11 15:30:56

You may not want to hear from us Y-chromosome types but damn it: you are not crap. You do what's best for you, your baby, and the children you have. And the very best of luck to you.

Paschaelina Fri 30-Sep-11 15:31:38

Bollocks to people at work. Don't put them first. Put yourself and your family in front. Just start your maternity leave and watch as a huge weight lifts from your shoulders and you start enjoying the time you have with your kids and DH, with more energy because you're not slaving away at work.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Fri 30-Sep-11 15:32:21

(BTW, I'm with VFVF , I'm 13w and a SAHM with a nearly 1yo. And I often CBF to cook so bung waffles and fish fingers in the oven)

StealthPolarBear Fri 30-Sep-11 15:37:19

You are heavily pregnant with three children and a full time job.
Yes, other people work through their pregnancies, me for example, with my first, a house that stayed tidy, no other commitments and a DH who would cook dinner for me.

NinkyNonker Fri 30-Sep-11 16:11:58

Not at all. I had to finish at 34 wks as it turned out, and it wad great.

aldiwhore Fri 30-Sep-11 16:19:32

I took Mat leave as soon as I could because I'd basically lost my job anyway and because I could... no guilt there from me, so you should feel no guilt either.

Although pregnancy is not an illness in itself, it feels like it for some women (me!) - I always wanted to love it, to blossom, to work until I popped, to give birth drug free with sprites playing flutes and whalesong, to be on my feet after an hour or two's rest and for my figure to bounce back... it didn't happen!

Don't knock yourself missus, be confident that you're doing what's best and good luck.

GwendolineMaryLacey Fri 30-Sep-11 16:23:24

I'm going at 31 weeks because of the way work are treating me. I said if they got their act together I'd stay till 36 weeks but tbh, the way I feel I'm counting down the days till 31 weeks and am only 26 weeks now. I have one child and work 3 days but have a long commute. I'm in bits, goodness knows how you're coping. YANBU at all!

globex Fri 30-Sep-11 16:41:20

Also - I don't think you should be changing cat litter.. Is that right? Or is that only in early pregnancy?

Go at 31 weeks and try and steal some time for yourself before the next one.. Have naps, tidy at a leisurely pace, get some autumn sunshine..

notcitrus Fri 30-Sep-11 16:51:26

Much sympathy - starting mat leave early sounds like a really good idea. But I know about the guilt of feeling you 'ought' to be able to cope - I've been signed off for over 2 months and will be starting mat leave around 29 weeks (Christmas), and goodness knows if I'll be well enough to do any work before then.
Work are accepting but obviously unhappy as they can't get anyone to cover me until I do go on mat leave.

Take time off sick, have a rest, get DH to book some internet shops, and put yourself and family first. Best wishes.

Icelollycraving Fri 30-Sep-11 16:57:15

I went at 32 weeks. I was exhausted & wanted some time off before. I was also planning on going at 35/36 weeks.
You simply sound exhausted. Look after yourself.

valiumredhead Fri 30-Sep-11 16:58:03

I had to stop at 26 weeks!

Have a rest smile

motherinferior Fri 30-Sep-11 17:01:13

I secretly slightly hate women who go on about how pregnancy isn't an illness.

rogersmellyonthetelly Fri 30-Sep-11 17:04:40

First pregnancy I went off at 38 weeks, no problems at all, was fine really. Second time I started using my holiday to cut my days down from 30 weeks as I was just knackered running round after a toddler and looking after my horse too. Work were not overjoyed but realised if I didn't cut my hours then I would end up being signed off as sick until mat leave started at 36 weeks.

cjbartlett Fri 30-Sep-11 17:06:32

Are you going back to work afterwards? If so are you taking the full year?
You really sound like you're struggling sad
I'd get signed off sick if you have to go back afterwards
Or just quit if not
Have you got help for when the baby comes

This is why I only have 2 children, I'm a wuss and couldn't cope with any more

valiumredhead Fri 30-Sep-11 17:08:16

mother so do I! I nearly died, can't get much 'iller' than that! grin

motherinferior Fri 30-Sep-11 17:11:01

I felt absolutely terrible all through my first pregnancy and was convinced I was malingering. I only realised later that painful Braxton Hicks - from about five months on - and horrible SPD are not in fact 'normal'.

mancbird Fri 30-Sep-11 17:32:26

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and have been on mat leave for about 5 weeks with 2 weeks holiday and 2 weeks sickness before that so I actually finished work at 30 weeks. There are some people who breeze through pregnancy but I'm obviously not one of them and have had hyperemesis all the way through sad

If you're struggling there is nothing wrong with starting early. Pregnancy is hard on your body and it sounds like you have a lot of other demands on you. Start your maternity leave whenever it feels right for you. Your family is more important than any job.

Icancancatchbabies Fri 30-Sep-11 18:30:12

Oh love, it is too much for your poor body. You are heavily pregnant and ill too. Please don't feel bad, your job is growing a baby!

Can your DH do some more jobs in the morning? Can you ditch the washable nappies, make uniform last longer etc. Nought wrong with chuck in the oven stuff at the moment.

I think you should finish working now. I finished work at 24 weeks with first, 29 weeks with second and was SAHM by 3rd for no other reason than I was feeling as you do now - that was good enough for me! smile

Good luck!

Icancancatchbabies Fri 30-Sep-11 18:35:12

Can your DH do the cat litter? You really shouldn't be doing it, although I am a hypocrite because I did it loads as I couldn't bear how long -lazy git- DH left it.wink

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