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AIBU to just let her go despite DD being upset?

(35 Posts)
sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:15:51

A few months ago, we were given a grey kitten by my brother who told us to look after her carefully (having lost/had stolen) two before her. Naturally, I said we'd take good care of her and I'd try to keep her inside.

Of course, two weeks after we got her, one of the children left the front door open and boom, she was gone. It took a couple of weeks but the children got over it.

Tonight however, a grey kitten with the EXACT markings our kitten had has come inside the house (the door was open to let some air in) and looks about the right size our kitten would be had she still been here. I'm pretty certain it's our kitten who went missing, especially as she's going to where we used to keep her food and litter tray and going mental over DD (she was the kitten's favourite while we had her). The problem is, she's obviously been well looked after and has a collar on so whoever took her (whether or not they knew her origins) obviously now has a bond with her.

I think we should let her go and see if she chooses to come back or not but DD (backed up by DH) is saying that we should go tit for tat and nick her back*. I think it's completely wrong but I seem to be on the losing end of this argument. What do you think?

AIBU to just let her go and see what happens?

*Obviously I haven't shut the door on her to keep her in, I'm holding out on this as much as I can.

thisisyesterday Thu 29-Sep-11 21:17:40

i think that unless you can be 100% certain that she is your cat then it would be wrong to keep her.

are there any contact details on the collar?

thisisyesterday Thu 29-Sep-11 21:18:02

if not then i would let her go if she wants to.
if she wants to stay with you then she will

Annpan88 Thu 29-Sep-11 21:19:08

I duno how longs she been gone for? If she's your cat, regardless of how well the kitty thieves looked after her, I'd keep her

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 21:19:27

The kitten may stay. she may keep popping back. do you have any pics of the kitten before she got lost? if so, perhaps you ought to contact the owner, and offer to reimburse them for any costs.

If this is your kitten, then the person who has had her up until now knows she didn't come from the kitten fairy, so has to accept that perhaps one day, someone may come forward to claim her.

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:19:33

Thanks for replying smile

There are no contact details on the collar, it looks like a cheap flea collar thing with a small bell on it, nothing else to say who has been looking after her.

girliefriend Thu 29-Sep-11 21:20:08

Blimey a tricky one, tbh if it was me I think I would just be relieved my kitten had turned up, keep her in for a day or two. It may be worth taking her to the vets to check if she has been micro chipped.

I can appreciate the dilemma esp as she has a collar on! You may have to let her go and follow her to see where she goes!!!

SkinnedAlive Thu 29-Sep-11 21:20:43

She will choose who she wants to live with. Probably both of you.

Did you have her microchipped? Is she neutered and vaccinated? At some point she will need medical care (worming, de-flea, vaccinations etc as routine) so it is best to find out who is looking after her and discuss!

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:21:05

Ann - She's been gone for about two months now

HerHissyness - I do actually have a couple of photos of her from when we were first given her and I think that's a pretty good idea actually. I'll pose it to DH and DD smile

justcallmemummypig Thu 29-Sep-11 21:21:19

After 2 weeks she shouldn't have disappeared as would have been used to you. The thing to do is get any pets micro chipped.

See if it keeps coming back, sadly cats are fickle!

worraliberty Thu 29-Sep-11 21:23:32

See if she's micro chipped

I take it you didn't get her done?

UniS Thu 29-Sep-11 21:24:00

Can you put something on the cats collar with YOUR contact details asking for any one else who is feeding this cat to contact you.

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:24:45

girlie - It is a tricky one for sure. I did consider keeping her in but thought it would be unfair to whoever had been looking after her to just keep her in with us.

Skinned - That's what i was thinking. We didn't have her microchipped, she was only about 10 weeks old when she went missing and the vets near us wanted to wait until she was around 12 weeks before chipping her. We actually had an appointment for it along with vaccinations too!

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:25:23

Uni that's a great idea grin

chelen Thu 29-Sep-11 21:25:25

I think English law defines cats as wild animals so collar or not, presumably it doesn't technically belong to anyone (warning - I am in no way a legal expert so this could be utter rollocks).

I think YANBU to explain that cats can't be forced to stay, they are notorious for beggaring off. It sounds like its possible the door could get left open some other time so at some point the cat will have a chance to choose anyway?

SpanishPaella Thu 29-Sep-11 21:25:33

six dinner sid innit

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:28:42

DH has read the replies and says you're all correct about not nicking her back from the people who've been looking after her and talking to them instead so thank you for that!

Spanish, you made me laugh out loud at 'Six Dinner Sid' grin

girliefriend Thu 29-Sep-11 21:30:18

I think the idea of putting your details on the collar is a good one!

SkinnedAlive Thu 29-Sep-11 21:31:50

Its a horrible dilemma - and such bad luck she got our before being chipped - typical cat! Practically, she will have to be neutered soon if she is approaching 6 months and it has not yet been done. Lots of good ideas here re seeing who her new slaves 'owners' are.

sephrenia Thu 29-Sep-11 21:35:34

I think I'm going to go with the putting the details on her collar thing and see what happens. I just pray one of the nicer families around this area have been the ones looking after her.

Some of the families here scare ME, never mind the kids and to deal with one of them would entail screeching (well, being screeched at) in the street confused

TheMonster Thu 29-Sep-11 21:37:28

You'll probably just lose her again...

NorfolkBroad Thu 29-Sep-11 21:37:33

loads of great advice here. I have to admit I would still find it very hard to just send her back though! Cats do have a tendency to do their own thing don't they? Maybe your DD might find it quite fun to think that you will be sharing the kitten with a mystery family...assuming you don't find out who they are!

PootlePosyPerkin Thu 29-Sep-11 21:38:34

Cats make up their own minds on things like this smile. I really think that all you can do is let her come & go as she pleases - if she wants to be with you she will keep coming back. If she doesn't, I'm afraid nothing will make her. As for shutting her in the house, it won't really work unless you intend to never open a window or door again. If a cat wants to get outside, they usually can grin.

BodyofEeyore I'm not disagreeing with that statement but, really? For all I know, some fecker around her saw her on the doorstep and took a chance. It certainly isn't unknown in these parts hmm

Norfolk that's actually quite a fun idea if there's no contact from the details I'm putting on her collar grin

*around here

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