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AIBU - school choice and special needs

(24 Posts)
namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:02:01

OK. Namechanged for this. Am regular(ish) Am fuming and need to know if I've overreacted. Bit of background. My dd has started in Reception at a local inner city school. She is very happy. The school, like many others has a small catchment and a good Ofsted. Some people didn't get in who wanted to. No surprise.

'Friend' of mine was devastated not to have got place and went on waiting list. Since then, she's become happier with local school that she was allocated (starting in Jan) where there have been big and positive changes. Great, thought I.

AIBU to be annoyed though that she now keeps saying to me that she'll definitely choose the other school because apparently
a) my dds school has 'rough' Polish children in it
b) my dds school has a head who is older and therefore may retire
c) my dds school has autistic children in it (!)

I don't mind where her son goes to school. I really don't. But AIBU to think these are terribly stupid things to say about any local school (i take the point that the head is probably a few years off retirement!). I've not been critical about the other school other than to point out poor SATs results and Ofsted that said that the teaching was poor. when asked why I didn;'t choose it. And I'm sure all that has been sorted.

But I am insulted on behalf of my dds class, friends of all types and abilities, and their highly dedicated teachers. Not to mention the wonderful parents I have met of autistic children further up the school, who have been so impressed by how their children have been supported.

I lost my rag. AIBU?

NinkyNonker Thu 29-Sep-11 16:05:55

She was getting you back for making disparaging comments about the school her child goes to. But her's were far worse/insulting than your comments, she sounds pretty awful!

keepingupwiththejoneses Thu 29-Sep-11 16:06:41

YANBU, she is! Sounds like she is jealous but is trying to make out she isn't. I thing she will find there are autistic children at her ds's school to. She sounds like she is trying to find reasons as to why the other school is better in a type of 'didn't want him to go there anyway'

Groovee Thu 29-Sep-11 16:07:50

She sounds like she's trying to justify her child being at the other school.

LIZS Thu 29-Sep-11 16:09:12

yanbu . Ignore her, she is self justifying and it make her feel better to run down your dd's school - she has been given no choice to make. As to her "points" she may yet have an awakening to come ...

Kladdkaka Thu 29-Sep-11 16:09:24

My daughter is autistic and at an academic level mere mortals can only dream about. The biggest trouble her teachers have in supporting her is that they know she is far more knowledgeable and advanced than them.

I'm autistic too, got perfect grades all through school and am now doing a law degree.

My husband is autistic and a professor in nuclear chemistry.

My brother is autistic and got a first from Oxford in Latin, Greek and ancient history.

Your friend is an ignorant muppet. Tell her to fuck off.

aquafunf Thu 29-Sep-11 16:10:19

yanbu but you are wasting your time. welcome to years of such nonsense. where i live, there are 3 great schools within walking distance, 2 ofsted outstanding (for what thats worth) and the other very good. wouldnt you think that people would be happy to send their kids to the nearest one? no, it gets discussed to the bone ( i refuse to listen).
as for racist rubbish about rough polish kids, or disablist comments about autistic children, that is just showing your friend up for the ignorant numpty that she is.
She really is operating from a platform of ignorance. The whole point of a state school is that your child goes with people form all backgrounds. At any point, anybody could join the school.

if she is your friend, i think that losing your rag is wise at this point. Unless once her child starts school, she never intends to speak to any other parents, there is no way to lose friends faster than to start wittering on about schools.

Kladdkaka Thu 29-Sep-11 16:11:32

Can't believe I just swore on a public forum. blush

namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:12:41

I figured that the school could do (and has done) something about the teaching, so that seemed a fair criticism. The autistic children, though? What can anyone do about that?

NinkyNonker Thu 29-Sep-11 16:12:56

Did it feel good? grin

I rarely swear in RL, but have been known on here...

Kladdkaka Thu 29-Sep-11 16:15:52

It did. Although my cheeks are burning. Although that could be the coldie fluey virus that's also making me short tempered.

namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:16:01

apart from support them as much as they can - of course - and many of them are, I believe, as Kladdkaka said, very, very academic

RhinoKey Thu 29-Sep-11 16:16:42

She sounds like a ignorant twat!

LIZS Thu 29-Sep-11 16:18:56

It is about how they manage and meet SEN not the number of children categorised as such . Anyway how could she know other than through a statistic in the Ofsted report which wouldn't specify what those needs might be. Some schools may even not encourage statementing children to keep that figure down whereas those that do may actually handle it more positively.

borderslass Thu 29-Sep-11 16:19:28

It never ceases to amaze me on here about the ignorance of some people DS [17] has ASD and has had his life made hell because of it, with parents with attitudes like that no wonder some kids are downright horrible to our DC's.

flimflammery Thu 29-Sep-11 16:24:09

I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing about you saying 'I've not been critical about the other school other than to point out poor SATs results and Ofsted that said that the teaching was poor.'

Otherwise, her ignorant comments are of course ignorant and bigoted.

worraliberty Thu 29-Sep-11 16:27:05

It's madness and sounds like tit for tat really.

Just ignore each other and concentrate on your children settling in when they start.

namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:27:54

More than fair point flimflammery. But she asked. I didn't. And i'm not criticising the social make up of the school kids - and I did also say that Ofsted wasn't everything. And I was RILED - this was in the middle of the whole 'rough Polish kids' part of the conversation. And is partly what I mean by 'lost my rag'

Kladdkaka Thu 29-Sep-11 16:27:58

Maybe she wasn't as ignorant as I first thought. I missed that comment Flimflammery just quoted. She may have been pointing out that your daughter's school has autistic children as a way of explaining why it has better SATs results. grin

namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:28:58

ha! If only I'd taken it that way!

Blu Thu 29-Sep-11 16:37:05

What Flimflammery said!

For heavens sake - can you not see that this stems from her being devastated in not getting into 'your' school? People feel very insecure about new schools.

Her comments are ridiculous and offensive, but wait and see what happens if she gets offered a place from the waiting list for your school.

Just be happy that your dd is happy in the school that you are pleased she got into.

And how you would feel if your dd had been obliged to go to a school which you consider has poor SATS and poor teaching.

namechangeoffury Thu 29-Sep-11 16:47:08

You're right. And I shouldn't have said what I did - I know that. Not proud of it.. And I probably shouldn't have got cross either. I'll get over myself.


WilsonFrickett Thu 29-Sep-11 17:09:27

I see Kladdkaka has beaten me to it. Nothing else needs to be said grin

Mia4 Thu 29-Sep-11 17:33:00

Sounds like she's over compensating for validation, or to convince herself.

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