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AIBU to wish I had been born a man.

(16 Posts)
Livingontheceiling Thu 29-Sep-11 10:00:03

DW works part time in office during school hours and then usually has to work 2-3hrs to catch up on work in evening. I work full-time.We both have similar fairly senior levels of responsibility at work. Occasionally I am asked to help do school run if DW has important early meeting. About 1 month ago DW asked whether I could take DS to school for 2 days last week as she had to be in work early. I agreed but I knew I may have to be away. Plans changed and I had to go on site (about 50miles away) so could not do school run. Told DP about 2 days before I couldn't the school run (although I had known for longer and forgot to tell her) and also that I would be staying away at a hotel for the 2 nights as couldn't be bothered to get up a bit earlier to do 30mins extra commute.

DP seemed upset that I had left her with having to find someone else to do school drop off with short notice, but what are her friends for FFS.

Anyway came home after 2 lovely nights in hotel. DW running around trying to get kids to and from clubs, bathed and fed. I got really upset because she did not drop everything and run to see how I was. Was asked to put DS to bed while she took DD to guides. Got into huge row with DS as would not instantly drop everything to do homework. DW had to step in to sort things out before taking DD out. Did 20mins with son and then football started so took DS downstairs to watch football. DW came home and I told DS to go to bed but I couldn't be bothered to leave the TV so DS upset because no bedtime story and can't clean own teeth properly. DW asked could I please do this as she had some work to do. I shouted no let him go to bed on his own. DW annoyed as had to stop work and sort out DS and then go straight to pick DD up from guides. DW finished with DD about 9.45 (still with 2hrs work to do) and then had a go at me because I should have helped more, I could have you thank you or expressed some appreciation for what she did. I said I was not going to thank her whilst she was in this mood, did she had PMT and then refused to speak to her for rest of evening.

This is in addition to over the past month; forgetting to take car for MOT and then expecting DW to take time off to do this, and getting so drunk one night unable to take wife to appointment the next morning leaving her running around at the last minute making alternative arrangements.

Needless to say I am actually the very fed-up DW in this situations and next time I want to come back as a man.

missmogwi Thu 29-Sep-11 10:02:40


missmogwi Thu 29-Sep-11 10:06:31

grin didn't read the last part sorry! No YANBU!

Ephiny Thu 29-Sep-11 10:09:58

Sounds an annoying situation, but I don't understand what it has to do with wanting to be a man confused.

AchtungBaby Thu 29-Sep-11 10:15:43

What Ephiny said - this shouldn't make you want to be a man, it should make you want to change the one that you're married to.

I suggest that you talk to him. For ages. Then hopefully it will be okay.

Livingontheceiling Thu 29-Sep-11 10:26:51

The "being a man" reference was to the fact that men (it surely cannot just by my DH from many other comments I have seen on AIBU) seem to go though life expecting that DWs will sort out DC (holiday clubs, after school clubs, cover for when they are off sick; that only DW needs to know what children are doing at school, when homework is due, how to tell DS to divide 4 by 2 without getting the wrong answer (got uni degree FGS); should always be able to re-arrange things at last minute and DW will be able to adapt, their work job comes first (even though same FT wage and responsibilities) and basically lack any consideration as to other people they impact - without one thread of guilt and basically living a life hardly any different from before children. Honestly am I really expecting too much. And don't even get me started on help with housework/shopping (or complete lack of).

StrandedBear Thu 29-Sep-11 10:28:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Livingontheceiling Thu 29-Sep-11 10:44:45

Because I still do love him very much - I just needed to vent - we have been together over 20 years so all marriages have ups and downs. I think he just is truly unable see how his actions impact others and was brought up quite spoiled and expects things to be done for him. He is good with the kids usually (as long as it is having fun type stuff and not the "work/chore" type stuff), he usually does help with bedtimes, and we go out and have fun together at other times. He is never violent, doesn't usually get angry and the getting so drunk is not a regular occurrence (just bad influence of a friend one night). Thank you for that question actually as it has made me realise that overall I don't have it so badly - just a bit fed up today with the combination of circumstances.

Morloth Thu 29-Sep-11 10:45:32

Your DH isn't behaving like that because he is a man.

Your DH is behaving like that because he is a twat.

They are not mutually exclusive but neither is there an automatic correlation.

Proudnscary Thu 29-Sep-11 10:50:31

What an annoying post.

worraliberty Thu 29-Sep-11 10:51:05

I think I'd be quite insulted if I was a man and I'd just read that.

If you've married someone who walks all over you, that's hardly the fault of other men is it? It doesn't make them the same as him.

People can only wipe their feet on you if you lie down and let them.

Miggsie Thu 29-Sep-11 10:52:07

I think you need to read "wifework" at the earliest opportunity!

SpanishPaella Thu 29-Sep-11 10:53:47

why did you want kids if you want your life to carry on living a life hardly any different from before children

sorry but if you want it all, its generally the kids who have to make do with less

StrandedBear Thu 29-Sep-11 10:57:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth Thu 29-Sep-11 11:04:52

Shrug, if you have been married 20 years it isn't his previous upbringing that has taught him to treat you like a doormat.

It is you.

Not being an angry violent drunk isn't a bonus it is a base level.

MIFLAW Thu 29-Sep-11 11:09:30

"The "being a man" reference was to the fact that men (it surely cannot just by my DH from many other comments I have seen on AIBU) seem to go though life expecting that DWs will sort out DC" - I'm a man and this is bollocks.

YOUR man sounds like a bit of a prick - sort it out with him. Don't tar the rest of us with the same brush.

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