For not wanting to get drunk?

[MuthaInsuperior]

I'm known as being a bit of a bore in my family - always making excuses to get out of social gatherings and choosing a week in the lake district over a week in Benidorm etc. Anyway my cousin has been wanting me to go for a night out with her for AGES and each time I've made excuses and promised "next time".

 Anyway - she invited me to a night out this friday and I got sick of making excuses and agreed. She's now REALLY excited about it and we've text lots about it and are both looking forward to it - only thing is I don't want to get drunk and I think I'm going to be accused of "spoiling the night" or "being boring" once she realises I'm not going to get drunk. One text she sent me mentioned getting "plastered" and I've tried to hint that I won't be drinking loads but I don't think the hint has been taken. 

My plan is to alternate each alcoholic drink with a plain diet coke - and try and make each half last ages so I'm actually drinking less anyway. They're going to pick up on this quite quickly and I'm worried I'm going to get accused of "spoiling it", especially as she's looking forward to it so much. 

I HATE being drunk though, I hate the hangover, I hate the realisation of how much I've spent on getting myself that way the next morning and I also want to take the kids to the cinema early Saturday morning. 

I'm not being a boring old fart am I? I'm 30. Am I not normal?

[NinkyNonker]

Normal in my book.

[MardyBra]

You are perfectly within your rights not to get drunk. It's your body. They'll be getting pissed and will look ridiculous and you will maintain some dignity.

YANBU.

[MurunBuchstansangur]

Tell her before you go that you don't want to get drunk. Tell her you are taking your kids out and don't want a hangover. Then it's up to he if she still wants to go. 

YABU if you let her carry on thinking you are going on a 'big night out' and  you intend to go home at 11 sober. 

YANBU to want to stay sober. The pleasure to be had on a boozy night is not worth the pain of a morning with DCs and a hangover IMO.

[MuthaInsuperior]

But why can't it be a big night out without getting drunk? I don't mind being a bit tipsy/over the limit etc but to crawl home, climb into bed and watch the room spinning around me - nah

[Catsmamma]

Just don't make an issue of it, the more you insist you are not drinking the more attention you draw to it. Drink your drinks slowly, buy your own if you think they are likely to spike it, or just claim to be drinking vodka/gin and tonic ..sparkly water with a slice, or bacardi and coke ...plain coke. 

if they want to get blotto then let them get on with it, but don't get all pious about your not drinking....that's a real boring old fart thing to do! 

[Saltire]

Some people seem to think that having a night out automatically means getting plastered. I have friends like this. Don't get me wrong I can, and do go out and get very drunk (I'm lucky though I don't get hangovers with vodka) but sometimes I just want to enjoy their company and not drink, yet can be sometimes be made to feel like a misery guts if I ask for a coke!

Go out, and have your night the way you want to, if they start pressuring you to drink more, then either get up and go home or tell them(or is it just 2 of you) that you're an adult and can make your own choices about drinking.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I don't drink at all, no moral stance just can't bear the taste and while I admit I'm not the most fluttery of social butterflies, when I do go out I manage to have a laugh while stone cold sober. It's easy enough if the company is right.

I wouldn't even mention it, just stick to whatever you want to drink and refuse all else. She sounds extremely childish.

[MuthaInsuperior]

I mean don't get me wrong, I don't sit there shaking my head at their drinking and going on about the dangers of alcohol - it's just that I personally don't like the feeling of not being 100% iyswim? I'll still get a greasy kebab at the end of the night like the rest of them :D 

I don't care if other people want to get really drunk, I'm not going to judge them for it - I just don't want to do it myself. 

[MurunBuchstansangur]

It's just about expectation. You've said yourself that you are seen as unusual in your social circle. There's going out for a few pints and there is going to get 'plastered' and clearly the latter is what your cousin is expecting to do. And no one wants to get 'plastered' by themselves with someone soberly watching them.

[solidgoldbrass]

Is this night out going to be just you and her, or are you going out in a group? If it's the latter, just attend to your own drinks and don't keep on and on about how much you are not drinking, because it's the endless yap about your maturity and sobriety that gets on people's tits, not what you actually consume.
However, if it's going to be just you and her, this might be a bit more tricky as it's not that much fun for either party if one's sipping a mineral water and the other is sliding under the table - can you not suggest a night out doing something like cinema/concert/meal?

[clairefromsteps]

Let me guess - your cousin doesn't have kids?  Because if she doesn't, she will have no appreciation of how a hangover can seem like hell on earth when you have to look after kids and can't just slob about watching the Hollyoaks omnibus.

YANBU to not want to get drunk, even if you didn't have kids to look after.  Your body.  And IME people who are a boring fart continue to be a boring fart even when they're plastered...

[clairefromsteps]

Not that I'm suggesting you're a boring fart for not wanting to get wasted!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YANBU... And anyone who has a go at someone for being a sensible drinker is really boring and immature.

[MuthaInsuperior]

Solid I try and keep it quiet that I'm not drinking alcohol - I buy myself a coke and hope people assume it has bacardi in it! I don't bang on about my sober state all night  

Clairefromsteps - she does have kids but hers will be looked after until her hangover subsides (around tea time the next day!) whereas I'll be picking mine up at 9am in order to get to the cinema for 10am lol (meaning of course that I'll be driving early on too). 

[JodieSwirlTapBuff]

YA definitely NBU, and people should leave you the heck alone. I'd sooner eat my own eyeballs than go to Benidorm. I like your alternating plan - I have taken to drinking shandies, as they look like beer.

As a totally irrelevant aside, when did people start saying 'text' instead of 'texted'? It makes my head ache!

[NoobyNoob]

YANBU at all. If you don't want to drink then don't, she sounds like the boring one for having to get wasted to have a good time.
FWIW, I'm 27 and I'd choose a week in the Lake District over Benidorm anytime! I prefer to stay in with DH and open a bottle of wine. I may be boring to some, but I love it :)

[Scholes34]

Well, there you have it. If you're driving early the next morning, you certainly shouldn't be getting plastered. Just make sure you have a good time with them - laugh loudly, tell jokes, sing, be the centre of attention. You don't need to drink to do that and they'll hopefully not notice you're not drinking.

[Oblomov]

I am wondering why you are actually going ? Or why you haven't stood up to her. Not everyone needs to like the same thing. If you don't want to go on a schoolmums day out treking or kayaking, you don't have to , do you ? You just say, actually its not my thing. I prefer a picnic, or going to Ascot ladies day with champagne and strawberries.
And this nonsense of noticing what other people drink, really gets on my nerves. I don't. I don't care. I don't notice if someone is driving and on tonic water, or if someones downing shots of sambuca, what do I care. I am happy drinking wine,and at the end of the night I walked home with my friend. And was a tiny tiny bit giggly. I don't get hangovers.
Maybe its best if you have the bollocks to tell her that you don't want to go.

[redexpat]

I know exactly what you mean. If it helps after a couple of drinks that water resembles g&t, although I too hate having to lie about how much I've drunk.

[kelly2000]

YANBU.
Nothing is more boring and tedious that spending time with someone who has to have a drink to have a good time. If your cousin makes a fuss, claiming she can only enjoy herself if she and anyone she is in contact with is drunk then tell her she can go out with someone else, as you are not getting drunk. It is nothing to do with age, it is to do with whther someone is so boring and stupid they need alcohol to have fun.
And why on earth would you want to go to benidorm, it sounds like it would be filled with drunk chavs with too much fake tan, and over straightened hair.

[AKMD]

YANBU, people who need to get drunk to have fun are very boring. Just don't make a big deal of it and make sure you are being fun and sociable.

YANBU not to want to go to Benidorm, yuck.

[TLD2]

Even if you did get drunk, one usually gets more drunk than the other in a group or pair so don't worry about it. Just don't get lumbered with carrying her home!!

[ChunkyPickle]

Nope, YANBU I completely understand. You get to a stage where you like a drink, but you've realised that getting hammered just isn't fun (not to mention the hangover)

I don't know your cousin, but do watch out for something being slipped in the coke if they go up to get drinks on one of your non-drinking rounds.

Alternating is definitely the best way to do it, bottles of water are good (can't be tampered with) and perhaps going up for a round slightly more often than your turn so you can buy yourself non-alcoholic drinks.

A friend I new always got a bottle of water, and white wine with ice when she was out, because the ice melts and waters down the wine so you can make it last longer.

[Whatmeworry]

• choosing a week in the lake district over a week in Benidorm - YA definitely NBU
  
• choosing not to get plastered but to stilgo for greasy kebab - YANBU
  
• wanting to drive kids at 9am after a big night out - YAB a bit U on yourself
  

Have you discovered white wine spritzers.....they look like wine but have c alcohol content of beer and you can nurse them like wine.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

But I don't see why you should have to drink something that looks like something else just to appease the drinkers? I absolutely agree that banging on about how wonderful you are for not drinking is dull as shite but I don't do that and it doesn't sound like the op does either. I couldn't give a toss what other people are drinking, why are others so concerned?