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rules on DD 18 and her boyf

(17 Posts)
Happymum22 Thu 29-Sep-11 00:34:25

Know there is a different thread on this but was about a 15 and 16 year old...which is v different!

My 18 year old daughter is off to uni this weekend, but has been with her boyfriend since about May. I know they've had sex, and am completely fine with that- they are 18, happy together and I'm just proud she waited until him, someone she really likes, trusts and loves, to loose her virginity.

Her boyfriend's parents don't allow her to stay over in the same bed as him she must sleep in the spare room, I can see there reasons however she has just asked if the weekend in 4 weeks time they plan to both come back from uni if they can stay here. We have no spare bed, I know other weeks later on they will go and stay at uni in each others beds. I know saying one must sleep on the floor just woulnt happen. I have no problem with them sharing a bed at this age. Any younger and I would think different.

I also very much believe at 18 I have no rights to tell her she can't, I can guide her but at the end of the day she makes her own choices. I have instilled high morals in her and she has always been fairly respectful of my views. I now in turn respect her as an adult and trust I have brought her up to make the best choices in life.

I have absolutely no problem with it (they are 18!) but don't want to upset her boyfriend's parents if they have that rule.
AIBU to worry about her BF's parents? If I had set a rule I would not want to be contradicted by them.

Birdsgottafly Thu 29-Sep-11 00:38:44

Perhaps they didn't want the responsibility of her getting pregnant in their house?

I allowed my DD to sleep with her boyfriend at this age, 26 now and still together. It is up to you what happens in your house.

Personaly i think that you are just being realistic.

elesbells Thu 29-Sep-11 00:41:19

They are both 18....what goes on under your roof is your rules and what goes on under his parents roof is theirs...

Your home - your choice smile

squeakytoy Thu 29-Sep-11 00:47:54

It is your house, and you should set the rules with what YOU feel comfortable with. If you would prefer them not to sleep together in your home, that is perfectly reasonable, and they should respect your wishes, as they do at his parents house. If you are happy with it and not uncomfortable, then fine.

What his parents allow is their business, and as the children are both adults, I wouldnt worry about that. Does he have younger siblings perhaps that his parents would rather not see their son and gf sharing a bed?

LeBOF Thu 29-Sep-11 00:48:49

I was in a similar situation with my first boyfriend at university. His parents agreed I could stay there during the holidays as long as my own parents knew what the sleeping arrangements were. Which was probably fair enough.

ChippingIn Thu 29-Sep-11 00:50:01

Their son is 18 - they can set rules for who sleeps with who in their house, they can't set rules for wherever else he sleeps.

Under 18 I'd think very carefully about it - but not once they're this age.

startail Thu 29-Sep-11 01:10:54

My mum simply brought my now DH and I breakfast in bed, she knew we slept together at his flat at university (I met him while taking a year out, messed up first year exams,went home, went back, got a degree in something I could do)

bilblio Thu 29-Sep-11 02:12:02

Your house, your rules. As others have said do what you're comfortable with, or you could ask his parents why they have a seperate beds rule, do they have a double bed there?
DH and I met at uni when we were 18, we lived together and bought a house together, but at my parents we had seperate beds. They only bought a double bed for my old bedroom about 4 years ago... when DD was born. smile We got married about 18 months ago. At MIL's we always shared a double bed and to be honest it made me feel uncomfortable. Definitely no hanky panky if his parents were home. grin

sunnydelight Thu 29-Sep-11 02:20:24

As they are both 18 and you are ok with it then I would let them share a bed. Your house, your rules and all that. DS1 (18) shares a bed with his nearly 18yo GF here, her parents know this (I know the parents) but still won't let them share a bed at her house, I think probably because she has a 14yo sister. I also have younger children so they have to be discreet, but the layout of our house allows that (they are not allowed to spend the night together in DS1's room as that is next door to his 12yo brother!). Tbh it has worked out really well for us as it means that they spend most weekends here so I see more of him than I think I would if they were allowed to be together at her house.

Bogeyface Thu 29-Sep-11 02:23:22

Their house - their rules

Your house - your rules.

If there is an issue with what his parents do and do not think he should be doing then that is HIS issue with them, not yours.

lesley33 Thu 29-Sep-11 06:27:07

Agree with bogey. I would let them share though. They are adults after all.

nooka Thu 29-Sep-11 06:44:37

Why would his parents even know what the sleeping arrangements are in your house? My parents are total no sex before marriage types (in fact my mother would rather no sex at all really), so when we stayed at my house we slept in different rooms (usually after having sex in either his room or mine). His parents just assumed as we were dating we'd be sleeping together, and so when we stayed there we slept in their spare room (double bed). My parents did relent after we got engaged (we'd been together for four years at this point and had been living together for three).

Your house your rules really, and I'm not sure why you are worrying about his parents, as you say they are adults now.

cory Thu 29-Sep-11 07:05:23

Since he is an adult you no longer have any responsibilities towards his parents and he doesn't have any responsibilities to let them know what he is up to either; the only time they have any say in his private life is when he is staying at their house.

holyShmoley Thu 29-Sep-11 07:09:39

if you did have a spare room what would you do?

usualsuspect Thu 29-Sep-11 07:17:01

They are both 18 .I'm afraid his parents have no say in what he does anywhere else but their own house

Happymum22 Fri 30-Sep-11 23:29:28

Thank you- that has reassured me!

ChippingIn Fri 30-Sep-11 23:34:25

Tell him he can pay us later grin

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