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Work sending me on a conference I don't want to go on!

(138 Posts)
fifitot Wed 28-Sep-11 20:43:13

I have a 12 m old baby and a 5 yr old. Work have said I have to travel for a day's conference/meeting in central London in November. I have attended this annual event before so know it's at least 14 hours out of the house - 6 am train there and 7ish arrival back home. (Live up North)

I really don't want DH to have to do the morning and evening routine and for me not to see the kids all day. Know it's only a day but baby is still young and both of them are a 2 man job, especially at night time routine. Baby has severe eczema and has to be bathed and wet wrapped etc.

I don't want to go! Have asked to be excused bearing in mind 2 of my colleagues also going. However been told we need a 'strong presence' at this event so no way out of it. Only concession is boss will allow me to leave a bit earlier...

What do you think? AIBU or should they be a bit more 'family friendly'?

Dirtydishesmakemesad Wed 28-Sep-11 20:45:25

It is only one day and so I am not sure they could be accused of being very family UNfriendly. Is there no way your dh can manage one day? perhaps have another family member to help with the baby bath if needed?.

MrsSchadenfreude Wed 28-Sep-11 20:46:24

YABU - it is one day, and your DH will have to man up and cope with both of them! I think a baby and a 5 year old are much easier to deal with than a baby and a 2/3 year old!

They are his children as well as yours. smile

Gleek Wed 28-Sep-11 20:47:19

YABU, it is one day, not even overnight, I think you just need to get on with it.

If DH genuinely can't do bedtime alone I think you need to find someone who can help - although if you're back by 7pm perhaps the kids could just stay up a little later?

LindyHemming Wed 28-Sep-11 20:48:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wigeon Wed 28-Sep-11 20:48:33

Afraid I think YABU. This is an annual event? So you won't see your children night? Many many many working mothers don't see their children for bedtime, and I think you are very lucky that so far you have been able to be home for every bedtime. I'm also surprised that putting a 12 month old and 5YO is a two-man job - I have on several occasions put my 4 month old and 3 YO to bed by myself (and the 4 month old is BF). Almost everyone I work with (in London) has a minimum of an hour's commute each way, which means parents might well not see their children some days, depending on work pressures.

Sorry. Count yourself lucky that your job seldom requires you to be away.

troisgarcons Wed 28-Sep-11 20:48:57

Depends if you want to continue on a career path or 'have a job'

Wigeon Wed 28-Sep-11 20:49:13

How can DH not do bedtime?

Sirzy Wed 28-Sep-11 20:50:27

Like others have said YABU it comes with your job so you have to accept it if after asking it is still made clear your presence is expected.

melpomene Wed 28-Sep-11 20:53:43

YABU - you'll miss breakfast with them but if you're back at 7ish that should be time to help put them to bed. If you're upset about missing time with them, how about taking the following day as annual leave/time off in lieu so you can catch up on time together?

chocoroo Wed 28-Sep-11 20:54:49

YABU. It's one day and sounds like it's a fairly standard part of your job if you've attended previously.

I think the idea you could accuse them of being family unfriendly is laughable tbh.

Ragwort Wed 28-Sep-11 20:54:57

YABU - resign if you don't like the terms.

Many people work away from home for much longer periods of time.

Surely your DH can cope with two children ..................what would happen if you were rushed into hospital?

40notTrendy Wed 28-Sep-11 20:58:13

YABU, it is only a day. See it as a day off and enjoy it. Understand tho, I don't like not seeing dc everyday. But I'm just a soppy cow sometimes smile

planetpotty Wed 28-Sep-11 20:58:46

I would take the early stack graciously as it seems work have made thier possition clear and to say anymore may just bite you in the bum.

Everthing will be fine smile

Tomorrowslookingfine Wed 28-Sep-11 20:58:50

YABU one day a year isnt the end of the world, and I'm sure your DH will cope.

upahill Wed 28-Sep-11 20:59:37

Seeing that I had to do sleep overs and work from 8.00am until 10.00pm and then be on duty next day when my babies were small YABU.

I had to do that as DH lost his business and we still had bills and a mortgage to pay
You are out of the house for less than a full day.

Pack the job in if you don't like the terms

Working mothers have enough prejudice against them without people like you whinging can they be excused from doing part of their job.

MollyTheMole Wed 28-Sep-11 20:59:58


Its 14 hours, your dh will survive.

meditrina Wed 28-Sep-11 21:00:49

YABU. One longish day a year with about two months prior notice is not an excessive demand.

fifitot Wed 28-Sep-11 21:01:53

Of course he can cope. It's just hard work with the wet wrapping etc and trying to keep the 5 year old out of trouble at bedtime. We have no other help.

I manage staff too and I think as a manager I would accept that THIS year, it was maybe OK for me to give it a miss. Especially since other colleagues going.

Given the answers, it seems I am on my own with this view though. Still don't want to go though!

motherinferior Wed 28-Sep-11 21:03:10

No, it's not family unfriendly. It's an entirely reasonable demand, IMO.

motherinferior Wed 28-Sep-11 21:04:04

I really don't think you can argue that a difficult bedtime means you both have to be there. And frankly I really don't think you can say that missing them would be a reason not to go for one day.

smallwhitecat Wed 28-Sep-11 21:05:10

Message withdrawn

Hardgoing Wed 28-Sep-11 21:06:04

I understand why you don't want to go, but I think if you have asked if you really need to be there (which is fine to ask) and they have said 'yes', then you have to go. And it is not unreasonable for them to expect you to put in a presence one day (it's not even an overnight).

I certainly go away for 1/2/3 nights with my work, infrequently and I keep it to a minimum, but it's part of the job.

Your husband will be fine, it's actually good for him to do the routine on his own, if only to prove to you that he can, even if it isn't what you would prefer.

FlyingPirates Wed 28-Sep-11 21:06:24

YABU. Set the 5yr old up with a book t read while you wet wrap the baby. Stories, feed, bed, done.

It is one day. I do understand that youdont want to go, but really, is it worth the shit storm of a fight?

Concordia Wed 28-Sep-11 21:06:56

i have total empathy with you, as i too would hate to go in that circumstance and would worry et c and feel guilty but i do think yabu, unless you are still breastfeeding and even then possibly yastillbu
you never know you may actually enjoy a night off in a funny kind of way. i had to be dragged away from kids in this manner at times and i think it did me good (we had no other support and i tended to do stuff rather than dh)

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