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aibu to be very nervous about a midwife seeing me naked after this comment last time

(81 Posts)
imnevergettingnaked Wed 28-Sep-11 20:31:23

warning: contains descriptions of mid childbirth vagina - you have been warned.
Dh thinks I am makin a fuss over nothing and should just forget it. I think that if it were reversed he would be just as mortified as I was/am.

I have had 4 children in the last 8 years. I am not so niave as to think that I am still pristine in the nether regions BUT during the last childbirth the midwife turned to the doctor who happened to be in the room at the time doing my blood pressure and said the following.

" no wonder she has never had any tears look its just hanging open ready".

I was actually at the time pushing a baby out but I manaed an indignant stare even so.

I am now pregnant and actually really dreading any midwife seeing me naked either before after or during the birth because I think I must have some freakish hanging vagina that makes people actually gasp when they see it.

DH assures me this isnt the case and thinks I am being ridiculously unreasonable to actually allow this to make me nervous about the birth. I think that if the roll was reversed and a doctor had commented say on the tiny size of his penis he may also be nervous about whipping it out again?

aibu to be nervous after this ? I know it wont change anything (as dh keeps reminding me) but he could at least show a bit of sympathy couldnt he!

Tomorrowslookingfine Wed 28-Sep-11 20:33:25

YANBU very rude and unprofessional! Did make me laugh though sorry blush

Flisspaps Wed 28-Sep-11 20:34:32

shock

YANBU to be nervous, but you'll have nothing to be nervous about. What a cheeky bitch (really, there's no way it can be dressed up as anything other than bitchy IMO)

FannyLogan Wed 28-Sep-11 20:34:34

Maybe she was gasping in admiration, after all, hanging open ready is good, yes? Better than all closed up and narrow cue massive tear?

ThePosieParker Wed 28-Sep-11 20:34:40

Open the door with a bucket with a sticker saying 'My vagina'....this may break the ice!! wink

sephrenia Wed 28-Sep-11 20:35:12

I agree with Tomorrowslookingfine. I've stopped sniggering now though, sorry blush

BeerTricksPotter Wed 28-Sep-11 20:36:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PommePoire Wed 28-Sep-11 20:37:01

Oh for goodness sake, you poor thing to have stewed on such a silly thoughtless remark! Sounds like one of those occasions when a HCP forgets that their patient is actually in the room with them and has ears with which to hear their nonsense. Don\t dwell on it another second, you are a mum who is going to give birth to a lovely baby. It doesn't matter what some tactless woman once said about your nether regions. Focus on how you'll feel on the arrival of your new baby, and on sharing that with your other children and your husband.

worraliberty Wed 28-Sep-11 20:38:01

Unthoughtful cow, no wonder it was hanging open if you were just about to give birth.

Take no notice of her.

AtYourCervix Wed 28-Sep-11 20:38:05

bloody hell shock

although with a baby head half in half out a vagina can't do much except hang open.

but no YANBU AT ALL. you need a very large and expensive present to make you feel even a small bit better.

MULLYPEEP Wed 28-Sep-11 20:38:25

God, that's a crap thing to hear her say. Even if true, I'm sure that could apply to lots of women but they've just not been unlucky to hear it said by a cheeky bitch. You were probably just managing beautifully.

cottonreels Wed 28-Sep-11 20:40:44

I think her choice of words was totally crap. But could she have meant, " no wonder shes not tearing, her vagina is performing really well, her body is great at childbirth"
Could you convince yourself she meant this?

PeterSpanswick Wed 28-Sep-11 20:41:24

I've had two with no tears.. This is because I am just fabulous at giving birth and says nothing else about me. At all. grin

cottonreels Wed 28-Sep-11 20:41:45

Oh, also agree a lovely present might take your mind off things grin

BelinaTheChicken Wed 28-Sep-11 20:42:57

My DH thinks it's fine to make hilarious 'one sneeze and it's out', wizard's sleeve kind of jokes to me, and thinks I shouldn't be annoyed as he's only joking. If I ever said anything remotely derogatory about his man bits, even when clearly in jest, he would have a breakdown.

YANBU, but ignore the bitch, don't let it make you nervous

AtYourCervix Wed 28-Sep-11 20:43:11

and could have been worse. she could have mentioned Wizards Sleeves.

madmomma Wed 28-Sep-11 20:44:21

No!! That's fucking disgraceful! What a witch!

banana87 Wed 28-Sep-11 20:46:09

YANBU but I think most midwives/doctors have seen it all and really will not be judging you! Obviously this one was a little different, obviously not very experienced!

thefirstMrsDeVere Wed 28-Sep-11 20:46:43

I am really sorry but I did just snort at that.

But you got your revenge on my pelvic floor so I reckon we are equal.

Indignant stare? I think I would have used my 'in labour swearing privildges' and let rip at 'hanging open' shock

Though I doubt she meant it in an insulting way. sounds like she was quite impressed.

julienoshoes Wed 28-Sep-11 20:47:46

OP your dh is the only one who knows the truth.............and he is happy so ignore the thoughtlessly worded woman.

I've had three big babies without any stitches .............but my hubby would tell you there is nothing wrong with my fanjo!
wink

and having fussed lots of moms in SCBU after large tears and episiotomies, I'd rather having a fanjo ripe and ready for the delivery than one that is tight and torn or cut any day!

Greensleeves Wed 28-Sep-11 20:49:40

On the flip side, I've had two severe tears and two pph episodes - at least you probably won't have to suffer internal stitches and all that shit

I'd MUCH rather have a clown's pocket, especially as I have rickety pelvic floorboards now anyway

kelly2000 Wed 28-Sep-11 20:51:23

belina, Make a comment on his penis - something like "Oh, do you think that is why i cannot tell if you are in yet then". If he gets upset, tell him you were just joking together, you thought it was genitalia joke time. Do it everytime he makes a joke about your vagina, and he will soon stop.

The midwife was stupid for saying that, and if someone makes a comment like that again simply say very loudly "excuse me, and is that your professional opinion, or are you just being rude? and then make a complaint.
It could have been worse, she could have told you how attractive your vagina was?
If you had a man repelling vagina, I doubt you would have had so many children - am assuming a man was involved rather than immaculate conception.

madmomma Wed 28-Sep-11 20:51:26

I've just pissed myself at 'clown's pocket'! Not heard that one before. (sorry about your tears though Greensleeves)

stripeywoollenhat Wed 28-Sep-11 20:51:37

genuinely would have considered a letter of complaint about this. utter cow.
but dismiss it from your mind - i had a midwife tell me that i should expect massive intervention during dd's birth because of, among other things, the shortness of my legs. clearly there's no filter preventing rude bastards from entering the profession....

imnevergettingnaked Wed 28-Sep-11 20:52:50

I would like to think that she was in fact admiring my amazing birthing skills. Dh has tried to convince me that she was in fact trying to tell the doctor that a baby was in his words "about to fly out". Perhaps if I try relaly hard I can convince myself this is what she meant grin.

Belina I once made the mistake of comapring my dh to an empty toilet roll (dont ask) - not good and yet this is somehow totally different as he is "man".

She was actually pretty nice and did a realy good job since the labour was a bit stressful with my blood pressure and then dds heart starting virtually stopping which caused concern luckily she practically fell out of my giant vagina so quickly that no intervention was needed confused.

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