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In wanting to speak to my friend who never walks her dogs....

(24 Posts)
Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:11:34

my friend has taken on two massive dogs from the time they were puppies. These are a crossbreed. Not sure which but they are truely massive. She lives in a house with a small garden but never walks them. They fight a bit and I am worried that without exercise they may turn on her children. One had already nipped a child on the arm. I have dodged sending my child over to play since.
One of them has developed a problem with it's legs, which may well be down to the lack of exercise as she was told the dog wasn't born with the condition. I said that she should seek advice on how much walking it now required as dogs 'need a lot especially at their size'. Not exactly subtle. She changed the subject. I also offered to help her take the dogs out by a river route that is 3 mins walk from us. She doesn't know it's location!
My friend is currently unemployed and hasn't worked for about 15 years.
As a minor issue she lets weeds grow up to about 2-3ft in her front garden which is all gravel. It's a ten minute job every couple of weeks but she won't do it simply saying she hates gardening. Fair enough, but it is an eyesore and they are over my drive from hers. Nobody else struggles to keep on top of it.
So what do I do if anything? I don't want to fall out with her but I'm finding it hard to keep a check on it. She is fundamentally idle but has lovely other qualities.

WorzselMummage Wed 28-Sep-11 16:13:26

I suggest you do your 'friend' a favour an butt out of her life, you obviously don't like her very much/

TLD2 Wed 28-Sep-11 16:14:56

Hmm it doesn't sound as if you like her very much.

Even if you do, it's none of your business really.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:14:56

Actually I do like her just not some of her behaviours.

porcamiseria Wed 28-Sep-11 16:15:58

agree, trim her, life it to short to be mates with people you basically dont approve of

she is lazy
she neglects her animals

CheeseandPickledOnion Wed 28-Sep-11 16:16:33

If the garden bothers you either tell her you expect her to do it, or do it yourself.

Re the dogs, call the RSPCA.

Done.

Greensleeves Wed 28-Sep-11 16:17:18

well, I am fundamentally lazy too if the height of my weeds are the criterion

you shot yourself in the foot by adding that rather petty peeve IMO

but you have a point about the dogs. One of the reasons why we have a problem with aggressive dangerous dogs is owners who don't understand the dog they have chosen to own and can't or won't meet its needs. A disaster waiting to happen.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:20:24

I am sooo tempted to do it myself but thought that would be too cheeky. WIBU to yank up the ones spilling over my side or is that too intrusive?
Re the dogs I don't want to get her into trouble and would like to be able tackle it but need some advice on how to go about it.

ihatecbeebies Wed 28-Sep-11 16:20:59

That is a shame that the dogs don't get out for a walk. How do you know this, did she tell you that she never takes them out or did you work it out yourself?

I'm not sure what the weeds have to do with anything though, my DP detests gardening and his garden is a state but you'll struggle to find someone who cares more for their pets than he does.

elesbells Wed 28-Sep-11 16:22:31

If her animals are being neglected and are suffering I'd report that..

But the fact she doesn't work or cut her grass is none of your business....

ScarahStratton Wed 28-Sep-11 16:23:24

Has she told you she never walks them? Only I walk LittleDog first thing in the morning - usually about 6.30am, and last thing at night - at 10pm ish. They should be walked, I agree with you about that, but you just might not see her doing it.

Weeds are none of your business though.

ihatecbeebies Wed 28-Sep-11 16:25:30

That's what I thought ScarahStratton, that the OP may not see her friend walk the dogs, maybe she walks them when the OP is at work (I'm assuming she works as she wouldn't be slagging her friend for not working otherwise)

RedRubyBlue Wed 28-Sep-11 16:30:24

The garden thing wouldn't bother me but I would have a problem with the dogs not being walked and posing a risk to a child.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:30:51

Sorry the reason I mentioned her being unemployed was to communicate that she has plenty of time. Not judgey. She has weeds cover the whole of her gravel front and they are wanging over mine! I can avert my eyes re the garden but don't like the fact they are growing over mine. Imhave to tell my children to dodge them when getting out of the car! Grrrr! Minor I know. O.K will butt out of that one.

Crosshair Wed 28-Sep-11 16:38:47

If they annoy you that much cut them or call the council to sort them out?

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:40:48

I am a carer for a severely disabled child and work from home. I know she doesn't walk them. She shares a lot and she tells me about her day/routine in great detail. She said as much in a conversation about one of the dogs being nervous when she took him out on walk after about 9 mnths of getting him. Said it was his first time and he was 'stressed'. She says that she can't walk both dogs as the other would get stressed if she only took one. Hence my offer of help. I asked if she had any evidence for that and she said no but she knew her dogs. They recently had a fight and both needed stitches and I hear her telling them off for fighting all the time.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:46:01

I live in a private house so I don't think the council is an option.
How do I raise the issue about the dogs with her without putting her nose out of joint?

ihatecbeebies Wed 28-Sep-11 16:46:52

How old are your DC? If they are old enough you could approach your friend and ask for a 'favour', that your DC wanted to start dogwalking and would he/she be able to take your dogs out?

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 16:50:28

Well that might be an option as my son is a doglover! She has a teenage son herself though and may think I am making a point about her son or her partner. Careful handling needed!

thefirstMrsDeVere Wed 28-Sep-11 16:53:41

I think some posts are a bit harsh.

The dogs should go for a walk.

Its not fair to keep dogs if they cant go out unless they are too old, too disabled or you have grounds to keep them exercised.

Seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to be concerned about IMO.

Dont know what you can do though. If she wanted to take them out she would have done it by now.

Trouble is the less you take dogs out the harder they get to take out. Their behaviour tends to be difficult and they are probably a nightmare when they meet other dogs due to lack of socialisation.

Unless she agrees to go out with you for a daily walk I dont know what else to sugges? Lunch time stroll?

ihatecbeebies Wed 28-Sep-11 16:55:12

Is she the type of person to cause a lot of hassle for you if you report her to the RSPCA? I'm thinking that if you did approach her about the dogs and she still didn't do anything about it and you (or another neighbour) had to report to the RSPCA she may come to the conclusion that it was you.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 17:02:11

The lack of socialisation bothers me and is one reason that would make me think twice about asking my son as the dog is bigger than him and I do not think he would be able to restrain it if necessary.
I have offered to help a couple of times but she says she doesn't want to and prefers to have a chat with me. I said we could walk and talk but she says she is too tired etc. I have seen the dogs being aggressive nigh on every time I have been over and I feel uncomfortable. I ask her over to mine most times now.
She is a lovely person and has many great qualities but she can get really aggro if somebody confronts her over anything.

MothershipG Wed 28-Sep-11 17:57:53

Don't bother calling the RSPCA as they won't be interested if the dogs are being housed and fed.

You sound like a really good friend and nice person who is trying to help your friend and her dogs. If she is refusing your kind offers you really only have two options; to tell her bluntly that she is not meeting her dog's needs and they need to be taken out and risk losing a friend or just leave her (and them) to it. sad

As they are never taken out they will probably find it really stressful and be very nervous which could make them react aggressively so I absolutely wouldn't let your son take them without help. But if you can ever persuade her to take them out with your help it would probably be a really good idea to get head collars for them so that you can manage them if they kick off.

Nippysnippy Wed 28-Sep-11 18:35:14

Thanks for the sterling advice mothershipG. You have really helped and you are right about my choices. I will ask again tomorrow and if she makes excuses will be direct about the fact that her dogs need exercise and it is her responsibility to make sure they get what they need. I will then offer my help whenever possible and let her know that it is probably nerves getting in the way. I think I will suggest the head collars too. I hadn't thought of that.
Wish me luck! hmm

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