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AIBU to expect DH to do the school run when I'm working?

(76 Posts)
MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 12:51:24

I work for myself...from home. DH works either 3 or 4 night shifts for someone else out of the home.

I have at the moment a big contract which is HARD work. I work from around 9.00am to when DD comes home from school and then I have a break to cook dinner and do homework. We also have a 3 year old in nursery 3 days a week.

I do 90% of the housework. DH goes to work at midnight and gets home at 7.30....he then takes DD to school in the car...and comes home for 9.15....atthis point I think he should go to bed but he fannies about until midday and then gos to bed.

He has been getting up at 3.00 and going to collect DD1 and sometimes DD2 aswell...then coming home,eating with us and palying with kids...then he goes back to bed at around 7.30 and get up at 11.00p for work.

Today he is moaning about collecting DD from school. MY argument is that as I cannot drive I have to get a cab, put makeup and decent clothes on...do my hair etc....AND stop work....all of this makes me loose precious childfree time when I am meant to be working.

AIBU to get him to do the school run? My schedule is not always this busy but lately I have had work coming out of my ears and have managed to triple our income (badly needed as we had debts) I then wrk all evening until around midnight and sometimes later. I still have to cram in some housework too. DH has really slid on his contribution to the house lately.

We are managing to get out of the financial hole now....but stressing over the school run is putting me off work! AIBU??

OTheHugeWerewolef Wed 28-Sep-11 12:54:14

YANBU at all. You're working. At your job. That's earning money for the family. If you were in an office he'd never dream of wanting you to do it, why should this be different?

OTheHugeWerewolef Wed 28-Sep-11 12:55:11

Also as plenty of people will be along soon to point out, it's only equal if you're getting equal amounts of leisure time. It doesn't sound as though you have time to 'fanny around' for three hours every day. That's not fair. Tell him to pull his socks up hmm

OneTrickMummy Wed 28-Sep-11 12:59:21

YANBU.
But also, you don't need make-up and a smart outfit for the school run, and why are your children in a school that you need to travel to by taxi? This was always going to be a hassle, was it not?

Sorry if your circumstances made any other option impossible, but it doesn't seem the ideal set-up.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:08:07

Onetrick....believe me...I need makeup. My work uniform consists of jogging bottoms and and old t shirt....I have to iron something decent to wear as I let the irnoning for the week go long ago and there's never anything ready...then have to "do" my air and face because I justfeel shit otherwise.

And as for the school distance...it was the only one we could get into.

So there was no choice.

justabigdisco Wed 28-Sep-11 13:11:17

er, have you ever worked night shifts to enable you to comment on what he should be doing? they are horrible and make you feel like shit, plus in my experience it is IMPOSSIBLE to go straight to bed when you come home. time to unwind is essential. would you consider going to bed at 6pm upon arrival home from work (I know you work from home, but you know what I mean)

kelly2000 Wed 28-Sep-11 13:12:27

You are both the parents, and both work. You should each be doing 50% of the childcare and housework. It sounds as if his contribution is taking dd to school. Try not washing his clothes, or cooking his food for a week, then see how he likes it.

FabbyChic Wed 28-Sep-11 13:13:17

He should go it is part of HIS routine, you have yours he should have his.

Oh and learn to drive.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:16:32

Justabig.....I work from 7.00am to midnight SEVEN FUCKING DAYS A WEEK> SOmetme unitil 1 or 2am.

HE works 3 or 4 night shifts and gets FAR more rest than I do.

I am booking lessons Fabby. I jut need to get the forms and books.

MyRightToAdvice Wed 28-Sep-11 13:20:51

YANBU he should be doing the school run.

But YABU to want to dress up for the school run!! hmm
I see plenty of mums in jogging bottoms, hair amok etc doing the school run, including myself, who cares? In fact I once did the school run in my PJs in the winter, covered with my winter coat & boots so no one could see grin. And DP actually has his run to pick up dd so is hot & sweaty & in jogging bottoms every time...... grin

GrimmaTheNome Wed 28-Sep-11 13:21:32

Mumble, I work part time from home and have no qualms about picking up my DD in my workwear, which is similar to yours grin

I also have a DH who now works part time based from home but sometimes off at meetings/trade shows etc.

The way we balance it is that if he's here then usually he'll do the school run; if he's not then obviously I'll do it. (If I didn't drive, for sure he'd always do it if he was here). It helps that he positively enjoys the time alone with DD, he sees it as something of a privelige that he can do the school run now unlike when he was always out 8am till >6pm

So - yes your DH should pick up your DD if you're working and he's not (unless he's actually asleep); but if you do have to do it try not to stress about clothes etc.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:23:53

I don't see why people are judging my need to look half decent. Just because some people dont feel that need does not mean that my need is not valid.

I am 39 and at my age, I need allt he help I can get! I dont "dress up" I'm talking clean jeans and t shirt, hair up and a bit of mascara...but this takes time.

I wont turn up blotchy and unbrushed. there is no need for it.

FabbyChic Wed 28-Sep-11 13:24:39

It will take the OP say 60 to 90 mins to do the school run, a run which would take her partner 20 tops. Why lose 1.5 hours work time when the partner can do it in a 3rd of the time and not lose work time? it's about logistics.

Tell he to man up and go.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:25:58

Plus I have a skin condition which affects my confidence. I have to do a cover up job. Unless you've had a skin oncdition on your face, you would not understand how it affects your confidence.

LydiaWickham Wed 28-Sep-11 13:29:34

yep, he's doing the school run. If he chooses to do non-sleep things in his sleep time, he can't complain about being sleepy.

WomansWeekly Wed 28-Sep-11 13:30:52

thats your choice then to "fanny" around doing your face and hair and dressing up, just as its your OHs choice to fanny around doing what he does and you dont consider important

you chose to have kids, you have the luxury of getting rid of them the entire day. If you cant manage, something will have to go.

diddl Wed 28-Sep-11 13:31:18

YABU to suggest that he goes to bed when you think he should.

Most of us don´t get in from work & go to bed-we go to bed in time to have enough sleep to get up for work.

Since you don´t drive it seems logical that he should do the school runs.

And he should be doing housework instead of "fannying around".

FabbyChic Wed 28-Sep-11 13:31:32

Why should the OP pay for cabs when he has a car and can drive?

Who gives a fuck she wants to look half decent that is her right she has to get in a cab, you want her to get in their stinky? Different if you drive but she doesn't.

Get off her back ffs.

cestlavielife Wed 28-Sep-11 13:32:08

maybe you should pay a cleaner while you got the big contract on. just for a few weeks - the extra money should balance the costs.

could 3 year old go full time nursery also while you working this hard?

FabbyChic Wed 28-Sep-11 13:32:48

She isn't dressing up she is getting changed, making herself feel comfortable.

Why are you starting on the OP?

If you lot want to go out looking like shit that's your perogative!

She chooses not to, stop giving her a hard time.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:37:45

WomansWeekly Ive told you to piss off on here bfore and I'll tell you again...piss off....you always respond rudely so have it back.

Putting on camoflage makeup isn't fannying around. And like I said....clean jeans and a t shirt isn't exactly "dressing up" is it?

There's no need to flab about in leisure wear in public....pjs and joggers aren't my idea of a decent public face. Clean jeans and t shirt is.

MumblingRagDoll Wed 28-Sep-11 13:38:33

Thanks Fabby

Hatwoman Wed 28-Sep-11 13:42:20

how old are the dcs that need picking up? If you picking them up would mean a cab do you really have to go? If you can afford the cab then would you consider finding a good reputable cab firm to do a regular pick up for you? it would effectively mean that both you and dh get your way. (though I see that possibly you can;t really afford the cab - you mention debt and needing money)

SardineQueen Wed 28-Sep-11 13:42:53

He should go.

Also don't understand why OP getting told off.

Hatwoman Wed 28-Sep-11 13:45:42

there's a lot of it about sardine - a lot of curt unhelpful unsympathetic responses. I blame AIBU. ban it I say.

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