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AIBU to involve the police if this goes further?

(15 Posts)
Dawndonna Tue 27-Sep-11 17:33:57

Dd2 Keeps getting hit at school by a girl with 'issues'. The school are trying to deal with it. However, Dd2 has Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Oppositional Defiance and Sensory Processing Disorder. We (school, parents and Dd) have worked really hard to help with all dds issues, but there will come a point when Dd will have had enough and lamp her back. She, dd, is three years above said girl, and twice the size. She knows that if she retaliates, it'll be her in trouble not the instigator. She's already saying that she'll only get to do it a third time then there's trouble.
My thoughts are if she does it a third time, should I involve the police? These issues are not my dds issues and if the girl is constantly violent at school, perhaps it's not the right place for her. Perhaps her parents aren't helping at home, who knows.
Any ideas?

eaglewings Tue 27-Sep-11 17:41:33

Sorry to hear your story

Am I correct in thinking the other girl has hit your dd twice so far?

If so I'd still let the school deal with it for a bit.

Police get caught in the middle here along with the school and it does not help anyone especially the other family to make changes/cope.

It'll only make you feel better for a few hours

itisnearlysummer Tue 27-Sep-11 17:44:01

What have the school said when you have approached them about the situation?

I think I'd write to the HT expressing your concerns and copy it in to the Chair of the Governing Body. They can't claim to have not had prior warning if your DD does retaliate then.

WomansWeekly Tue 27-Sep-11 17:47:53

let her whack her back

it will sort itself out

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Tue 27-Sep-11 17:56:56

I used to say to mine "If anyone is watching, fall to the floor writhing in agony. If nobody is watching, lamp the sod" - worked for us.

sunshineandbooks Tue 27-Sep-11 18:10:47

I don't think the police will be able to do much TBH. It's not their place to see if there are mitigating circumstances if your DD retaliates. If your DD does hit back and injures the other girl, they will only be concerned with that, not that the other girl has provoked your DD.

If you want to involve the police about the other girl's behaviour, you need to do it before your DD retaliates, as a pre-emptive strike, not as a reaction to the other girl hitting your DD again.

I think you would be better off getting the school more involved, making sure you have everything thoroughly documented in case the worst does happen and you need to defend your DD. You need to have it on record that your DD is the victim of bullying, not the perpetrator in this situation. To that end, it may be worth contacting the police now and just having it all put on record (with no further action).

Hope you get it resolved.

Dawndonna Tue 27-Sep-11 18:22:49

Thank you.
Hitting her back is not an option, it's quite common that people with ASDs don't know a)their own strength and b) when enough is enough.
I will have another word with the school tomorrow and as Sunshine says, perhaps have a word with the local police.

BecauseImWorthIt Tue 27-Sep-11 18:28:08

Seriously - there are two posters on this thread advocating retaliatory violence? Shame on you.

MogandMe Tue 27-Sep-11 18:30:00

Agree PomBear.

FabbyChic Tue 27-Sep-11 18:30:07

If your daughter is being hit that is assault. Call the police, make a complaint get something done about it, never rely on the school to do their best.

hifi Tue 27-Sep-11 18:40:30

i seriously dont get the whole dont hit back thing.the police wont be interested. if anyone hits dd she has been told to hit back, in fact dh goes ballistic if she doesnt.

mynewpassion Tue 27-Sep-11 18:54:11

Don't waste police resources on something like this! What do you want them to do, arrest the what 7 -10 year-old? Ridiculous.

Have you guys talked to the other parents? Continue to work with the school.

Dawndonna Tue 27-Sep-11 19:03:20

Actually she's a year 8 girl, she is hitting my daughter for no apparent reason, as confirmed by the school.
Why should she, a child with her own difficulties put up with it.
Would it be ridiculous if it were in a public park?

As for the parents, apparently they're not interested in talking.

Dawndonna Tue 27-Sep-11 19:04:27

For the reasons listed above. The other girl would be quite likely to come off seriously injured. Apart from which, I'm not a big believer in violence being met with violence.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 27-Sep-11 19:29:28

Hi OP,

I know exactly how you feel DS1 is 13, just gone into yr9 and has Aspergers, ODD and Sensory Processing Disorder. Over the years he has been subjected to much bullying both physical and verbal. I agree with you that there comes a point where they snap, DS did this once in yr4 when he ended up picking a boy up and throwing him, at the time he was undiagnosed so was in serious trouble despite the fact that the boy had spent the entire school year being a little shit towards DS1. It was said "oh but the other boy has issues" hmm

When DS moved to his secondary he was bullied again, still undiagnosed, I went to the police upon the advice of many on here, they did take it seriously. DS is in his second secondary school and getting on well.

I hope you get things sorted, police will help!!!

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