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SS being called will tear the family apart quite possibly?

(29 Posts)
aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:06:12

i know a family who is living in really dirty conditions, and its just because the mum is lazy. its really really filthy.

the kids GP and HV think that they all live at the grandma's because she wont let people in to the filthy house.

if i phone SS and tell them my concerns she is going to know its only gonna be one of a handful of people who would/could have called them.

she is going to accuse her mother of doing it without a doubt and because she is stubborn she'll prob stop talking to them. her mum will know its going to be me, my mum, or the womans auntie or cousin its not going to be anyone else.
i really dont want to cause a rift in the family because she WILL stop the DCs seeing their grandma etc.

it really is dirty, outside and in, if the eldest DC is naughty its sent to bed with no tea (cant prove this) she wont let anyone in, she says she goes out all day so she doesnt have to face it.

she really needs to have a fright by SS turning up or do i just try and rally a team together armed with black bags and gloves and bleach?

there is loads more details i can give. i dont know what or how SS would handle the info i give them (i mean what would they say to her)

sorry its typed out really quick as i gotta pick my DS up from school soon havent proof read

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE AMAZING THANKYOU!!!! smile smile

kat2504 Tue 27-Sep-11 14:08:45

It's hard to say, without being able to see for myself, if it is genuine neglect or just a mild Kim and Aggie job. If you think the children are being genuinely neglected then you probably should pass on your concerns, especially as she has had to lie about where they live. Depends on what you mean by really filthy.

Tee2072 Tue 27-Sep-11 14:09:35

Do whatever it takes to make sure the kids are okay. If that means SS, so be it.

Hassled Tue 27-Sep-11 14:10:35

I think I'd try the flash mob with bleach and buckets approach first - would she let you in, do you think?

aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:11:10

id say its a deff kim and aggie, a family member who stayed there had to go out and buy slippers because she was sticking to the carpet it was so dirty!

its a really hard one

thanks for you comment tho smile

caughtinanet Tue 27-Sep-11 14:12:05

Are the children school age? Could you approach the school who might report it anonymously.

aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:12:48

i doubt she would let us in but perhaps it would embarrass her into cleaning?
i have to be honest i really think its a SS job i dont think the kids are being cared for a well as they should be x

aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:14:04

one is 5 and the is 1 could the school do that? i was wondering about an annonymous letter to her GP/HV about the situation?

AKMD Tue 27-Sep-11 14:14:38

There was another similar thread this week. The consensus was that if you are doubting whether you should call SS, you should call them. They will know the appropriate response and will give the family the support they need to turn things around. Be there with the bin bags, cleaning materials, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on but you can't do everything.

The mum might well get snotty about it but if the dirty house is just the tip of the iceberg, her children could be at serious risk. One of the posters on the other thread posted a link to a newspaper article about Tiffany Wright, a three year-old girl who died of starvation in a cold room on a filthy, urine-soaked mattress because 'everyone' knew that something wasn't quite right but no one bothered to report their concerns to SS. That story is one of the most shocking things I have ever read. It's here. Please read it and then make up your mind.

kat2504 Tue 27-Sep-11 14:14:46

No I think it would probably make her avoid people more and then you would have no idea what was going on.
Have you actually offered to help her with the cleaning? Perhaps you could volunteer rather than just turn up.

aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:15:19

i have to start walking up to school in 10 its a looooooong walk up a BIIIIG hill so if i dont answer i ll be back in an hour or so smile thanks everyone for commenting really need advice on where i stand xx

PenguinsAreThePoint Tue 27-Sep-11 14:16:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aCwtchIsMoreThanAHug Tue 27-Sep-11 14:17:14

everyone has offered help over and over!! but as you said she will get snooty and then we'll never be able to keep an eye on things x

WinterIsComing Tue 27-Sep-11 14:18:07

My sister has a filthy house but my elderly parents just keep going round and cleaning it when SS or the HV is due to arrive so I'm not of the, "help this time, get back on track" mindset really. IME it just delays the problem and shifts the blame.

Adults who are responsible for young children MUST provide them with a decent environment IMO.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Tue 27-Sep-11 14:20:17

I never understand threads like this. Social services aren't EVIL. If you dont know if you should report, give them a call and ask them their opinion.

Its not going to be a case of them getting one phone call and taking the kids away no questions asked. hmm

kblu Tue 27-Sep-11 14:20:19

Maybe she's depressed?
But if her family and friends aren't able to help her then maybe SS is the only answer.

GetOrfMo1Land Tue 27-Sep-11 14:37:56

Dear god, that link. sad

i don't think SS are the devil, she obviosuly needs help, and the kids need someone to look out for them. There is no need to live in squalor. I would call them and see what they say.

altinkum Tue 27-Sep-11 14:50:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinterIsComing Tue 27-Sep-11 14:53:41

That link sad

Still - I swear if my sister didn't have me and our parents watching her, her DC could be that vulnerable.

So who is to save them now that my parents who love to get her out of potential trouble, are failing?

If she had another baby I would be straight on to SS and the NSPCC because she SHOUTS at me and throws things when I suggest for example, not letting a NEWBORN go six or seven hours between feeds...

WinterIsComing Tue 27-Sep-11 14:56:05

Alt - my sister does the washing up once a week. You visit and can see what they have had for breakfast lunch and dinner for several days running and the leftover food is still on the plates! Is that "good enough" parenting?

Chipsycheese Tue 27-Sep-11 14:56:37

I knew that link from AKMD would be horrible but I read it anyway and I feel sick and my hearts racing because I feel so horrible, some people should not be allowed children.
It so sad, I won't stop thinking about that for a long time. Those poor children. If you have concerns please report them. Just in case something like could even possibly happen.

Chipsycheese Tue 27-Sep-11 14:58:00

*like this

MrsCarriePooter Tue 27-Sep-11 15:09:01

Thank you for the link - that is so very sad, I'm trying not to cry and thinking of my own 3 yr old DD.

I agree - please report them if you're worried, or at least phone up for a chat. I'm sure if you say you're worried that it will be traced back to you they can make it look more of a routine follow up check (and anyway, I don't think anyone finding out it was you should put you off - you're not doing this out of spite, you're worried).

TheControversialJessie Tue 27-Sep-11 15:10:12

If your concern is family rifts, ponder the likelihood of family rifts between your acquaintance and her children, as they grow up. Neglecting your children isn't a good way to forge strong, healthy, loving relationships with them. She'll could end up estranged from them, if Social Services don't become involved, and help her.

altinkum Tue 27-Sep-11 15:11:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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