Advanced search the following a teensy bit rude and/or weird?

(144 Posts)
LoveInAColdClimate Mon 26-Sep-11 14:30:56

We have just come back from a weekend away for a friend's birthday. The invitation asked for us to pay for our accommodation (fair enough), but expressly said that the couple would be providing all the food and alcohol. All very generous and kind.

The event was for two nights, but we could only attend the second night (although to be fair we were only able to give late notice of that (I was ill) so they might have bought food in advance of knowing). We called before driving down on the Saturday and asked if they needed anything. They asked us to bring some red wine as they were running low. Again, completely ok. We took four bottles and a case of beer as well.

I am pregnant so didn't actually drink any of the alcohol, other than a tiny, tiny glass of wine. Neither did I actually eat any of the food on the night, as I wasn't feeling well, although I appreciate they wouldn't have known this in advance so would counted me amongst the number to cater for. The only food I ate, in fact, was a bacon sandwich, and the only thing I drank was the above mentioned tiny, tiny glass of wine (out of the wine we had brought) and some squash, which we had brought. DH, to be fair, ate and drank normally.

Upon returning to the office this morning, I found an email from the friend asking for a £10 contribution from each attendee (per head) for food and drink.

I wouldn't mind quite so much, but we have already spent, I would estimate, something in the region of £1,500 (at least, could be up to £2,500 I suspect) this year attending the couple's wedding and respective hen and stag dos... The friend also spent quite a lot of the weekend telling my DH how much money they are saving at the moment (some tens of thousands went in the bank last year, apparently). This causes the above to rankle somewhat more, especially as we are worrying a bit over finances once I start maternity leave.

We can afford the £20, so it's not as if it's taking the bread from the mouths of our poor wee bairns or anything, but I do feel a tiny bit disgruntled. We'll pay it, of course, but just wondered if the above is a bit... "off" or am I a hormonal, unreasonable Cah?

BeerTricksPotter Mon 26-Sep-11 14:34:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAMummyAgain Mon 26-Sep-11 14:35:03

Send an email asking for their acc no so you can pay in the £20, oh and here's outs for the wine and beer [innocent smile]

anonacfr Mon 26-Sep-11 14:36:01


If the invitation mentioned paying for the accomodation they could easily have added that they wanted a set anount for food/drinks (ie that they would be bringing it but that everyone had to pay for it). It's rather odd to get an email after the weekend when nothing at all had been mentioned prior to that.

It's not about the money, it's the principle- if it were my birthday and I was inviting friends I wouldn't charge them randomly with no warning.

lesley33 Mon 26-Sep-11 14:36:14

YANBU. They expressly said they would pay for food and drink and then have done a u turn.

applechutney Mon 26-Sep-11 14:36:43

Yanbu. What a crass thing for your friends to do!

They sound really tight, actually. I wouldn't pay.

woowoo2 Mon 26-Sep-11 14:40:54

YANBU, I would have to say something!

chandellina Mon 26-Sep-11 14:41:00

hmm maybe tell them you're embarassed to have to plead poverty but that you're on a tight budget with maternity leave coming up and that you didn't budget for food and drink since they said it would be covered. also work in that you dipped into your unforeseen expenses account to buy four bottles of wine that you only wish you could have had more of...

Sparkletastic Mon 26-Sep-11 14:44:57

If it was an email to lots of folk just reply to sender saying faux innocently "Did you send this to us by mistake? If not consider wine and case of beer our contribution."

IggyPup Mon 26-Sep-11 14:44:59

I would reply and say that the wine and beer you provided cover your contribution.

A very similar thing happened to me a few years ago. I didn't contribute and didn't ever attend any of their parties again.

sleepingsowell Mon 26-Sep-11 14:47:30

I'd email saying that as they had clearly stated they would provide food and drink, that you haven't budgeted for it this month, but that if they have encountered some unforeseen problem with paying for the food, you are very happy to help out a friend, and could pay in October!!!!

and I have to say......two and a half grand to attend wedding and hen/stag do's......O....M.....G

LoveInAColdClimate Mon 26-Sep-11 14:51:17

Wow, I was totally prepared to be told I was being utterly unreasonable! Internet is down so on iPhone but will respond properly later. Thanks!

cat64 Mon 26-Sep-11 15:11:08

Message withdrawn

munkiii Mon 26-Sep-11 15:16:30


Wow, what a cheek! I am annoyed on your behalf.

I agree with the poster who suggested you email them suggesting that the wine and beer you bought was your contribution and asking them to reimburse you for the difference, easily another £20 I should have thought

HSMM Mon 26-Sep-11 15:18:04

I'd just say, take our contribution out of the wine and beer we supplied.

ViviPru Mon 26-Sep-11 15:18:55


Usually I'm very much of the mind of throwing money at a problem, particularly when friends are involved. On this occasion, Sparkletastic's suggestion is entirely in line with what I think is best too. No need to go into any detail whatsoever.

I think they semi-intentionally/unintentionally copied you in on their email - knowing its not quite cricket but "innocently" trying their luck somewhat.

KeepInMind Mon 26-Sep-11 15:29:35

I think you need to find some less shallow friends

GwendolineMaryLacey Mon 26-Sep-11 15:34:10

Was it just to you or everyone on the weekend? Either way it's a cheek if they said they were paying and tightarsed if it's only £20 considering the other amounts you mentioned. I agree with the pp who suggested you forward an invoice for their share of the wine and beer.

IceCreamCastles Mon 26-Sep-11 15:35:22

Very rude.
Agree you should reply saying you assume that the wine & beer you provided should more than cover your contribution

thisisyesterday Mon 26-Sep-11 15:40:15

i wouldn't pay it.

i would send an e-mail (fucking rude asking you by e-mail too) back saying "oh i'm sorry, I could have sworn you said that you would be providing the food and drink for the weekend.
we are happy to pay the £20. As you owe us £x for the wine and beer we'll take it out of that shall we?"

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse Mon 26-Sep-11 15:40:34

I too would forward an invoice for the drinks you bought, they sound very tight and mean tbh and I would think carefully about whether or not you wish to continue your friendship with them,

Theala Mon 26-Sep-11 15:48:34

Cheeky gits! That's really shockingly rude.

Fillybuster Mon 26-Sep-11 15:48:55

YANBU, at all, but I totally understand why you are hesitating before replying. Another vote for Sparkletastics strategy - you could just drop back an innocent note along the lines of "No problem, but of course the 4 bottles of wine and x amount of beer we brought on the 2nd night came to £zz [I assume at least £20?] - so lets call it quits"

elesbells Mon 26-Sep-11 15:58:20

Agree with everyone else - the drinks you purchased cover your contribution.

Oh and I would find some new friends...

wildfig Mon 26-Sep-11 16:07:18

YANBU. It's tacky to charge people after the event.

I would probably ignore the email, and if the friend was crass enough to chase me up, I'd say, 'Sorry, I assumed the wine and beer we brought covered it.'

What I'd LIKE to say is, 'Sorry, since we clearly missed the larks' tongue souffle and caviar sandwiches on Saturday night and only had a bacon sarnie on Sunday, I couldn't work out what the food whip-round was FOR.'

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