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To not want to see my neighbour's cock every time I look out of my bedroom window?

(211 Posts)
BupcakesandCunting Mon 26-Sep-11 14:27:10

Because I think I see more of his than I do of my own husband's hmm

My very unattractive and portly over-the-road neighbour seems to enjoy fannying about in his bedroom completely in the buff. His window is right opposite mine and I only need to be doing something like pulling my blinds up and it's like "Woah, and there's your nob AGAIN."

Other people in our terrace have noticed it too. DH and I have speculated that he might be a bit of an exhibitionist as it's not even like he's naked but trying not to be seen. He stands right in the window with his family jewels out on display most days. I had to pull my blind down yesterday and put my make-up on with no natural light just so that I could avoid getting my eyes assaulted by a stranger's cock.

How should I deal with it? I've thought about mentioning it to his wife, as in "I don't know if your husband realises, but we can see a lot more of him than he probably realises. You might want to close the curtains in your bedroom in future!" or I've thought about drawing a very unflattering picture of said neighbour in the buff and anonymously posting it to him. It would be captioned "THIS IS WHAT I SEE EVERY TIME I GLANCE OUT OF MY OWN WINDOW! STOP IT!" Or I could just ring the police and report him for indecent exposure. Last one seems harsh though.

I'm not being U, am I? It's not a one-oof, it's most days. And it's rank. sad

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 26-Sep-11 14:28:20

I'd take a photo and stick it through the front door with 'SHUT YOUR BLOODY CURTAINS' written on the back.

shaz298 Mon 26-Sep-11 14:28:25

Personally I'd just give the police a ring. It is indecent exposure. If you can see, so can the kids who live in the street!

TheBreadstick Mon 26-Sep-11 14:28:57

I was hoping this was going to be a post about neighbours keeping poultry in the back garden ... smile ... ooops!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn Mon 26-Sep-11 14:30:55

Send his wife flowers and a sympathy card with "you poor soul, we all know what you have to put up with, love The Neighbours" and the Ann Summers website address or a catalogue.

IggyPup Mon 26-Sep-11 14:30:56

I would defo have a word with his wife and then if it still continues tell the police.

picnicbasketcase Mon 26-Sep-11 14:31:01

What Jareth said. Give a warning of some kind and if he continues to flash you, ring the police.

Makiko Mon 26-Sep-11 14:31:07

Message withdrawn

BupcakesandCunting Mon 26-Sep-11 14:31:35

<adds Jareth's idea to list> I like it!

stinkyfluffycat Mon 26-Sep-11 14:31:35

Make a large sign to put in your window which says 'I CAN SEE YOUR COCK (AGAIN)'? If you make the sign big enough it should obscure the offending appendage too.
Seriously though if you know the wife well enough maybe mention it to her? Although wouldn't she know? Think I'd notice if my husband was wandering round naked near windows..

Makiko Mon 26-Sep-11 14:31:43

Message withdrawn

OTheHugeRaveningWolef Mon 26-Sep-11 14:32:28

I was likewise hoping it was about undesirable poultry. Seeing some lardy bloke's turkey neck and gizzards waving around every morning is not naice at all.

BupcakesandCunting Mon 26-Sep-11 14:32:50

Makiko, I was thinking along your lines (feigning innocence about his intentions) Thought it might knock the wind out of his sails a bit too, if his mrs has to bollock him for flashing the neighbours...

CurrySpice Mon 26-Sep-11 14:33:12

Post a picture here so we can all have a laugh advise you properly

CauldronsTrulyReign Mon 26-Sep-11 14:33:20

Oh I miss Friends.

sad

Andrewofgg Mon 26-Sep-11 14:33:31

Most unusually - this is a job for a man. Put the flame-throwers away, people, I mean that OP's DH can and must tackle this chap and tell him that he is - intentionally or not - exposing himself and it must stop. Then if it doesn't - involve the police.

If all the people he was troubling were women alone one of them would have to do it, but they are not, and one of the men should and must.

ReadyToDrink Mon 26-Sep-11 14:33:33

Do they also have pampas grass?

BupcakesandCunting Mon 26-Sep-11 14:34:02

"Make a large sign to put in your window which says 'I CAN SEE YOUR COCK (AGAIN)'? If you make the sign big enough it should obscure the offending appendage too"

It wouldn't need to be very big. A postage stamp should do it. wink

Saggyoldclothmitmoo Mon 26-Sep-11 14:34:09

Take a picture. Make a copy, give one to his wife. If he continues, give the copy to the police! Flaming Nutter!

tallwivglasses Mon 26-Sep-11 14:35:46

Ah, you have a 'Willy Man'. We had one opposite us and sadly his bedroom was opposite our living room so we got a lovely view several times a day.

My friend drew a big men's loo-grafitti-style 'portrait' of said willy and suck it on the window. This worked up to a point (he started parading in posing pouches - bleugh) so I suggest you try the same (then come back and tell us what happened)

BupcakesandCunting Mon 26-Sep-11 14:36:00

CurrySpice, I wouldn't want to scar you. Honestly, it's vile. It wouldn't be so bad if he was half-decent (still wouldn't like being flashed at but it'd be easier to swallow if he looked like Johnny Depp rather than Bernard Manning grin) He looks like a sock filled with suet. sad

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 26-Sep-11 14:36:20

Actually, I bet it's illegal to take pictures of naked people and use them as threatening messages grin

Would you be willing to go and have a word? I'm the kind of cunt person that would knock on the door and say 'Oi mate, do you realise the whole street can see your gonads?' I realise most people would be embarrased by this kind of thing. grin

MissVerinder Mon 26-Sep-11 14:37:26

I was in the Specials a looooong time ago, and you would be surprised how many times I had to accompany my "Regular" to somebodies house to get them to stop flashing out the window.

It is indecent exposure, and if you call the police they won't tell who reported it; they will probably thank you for providing them with a fab laugh- we always argued over who was going to mention exactly what the problem was.

Interestingly, it was quite an even split amongst men and women flashers!

JarethTheGoblinKing Mon 26-Sep-11 14:37:55

He looks like a sock filled with suet

FFS - I've just farted with laughter. I'm at work. sad

ElsieMc Mon 26-Sep-11 14:38:26

You will have to deal with this in some way simply because if he gets away with this, chances are he will move to the next level.

I wouldn't bother speaking to his wife; she will be undoubtedly be shocked and upset and will probably leap to her husband's defence and turn on you.

I'd just ring the police, it's happened too often, others are noticing and you have not made a mistake, he is a flasher and a pervert and will up the ante any day now.

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