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AIBU?

to intensely dislike one of dd's friends...

56 replies

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 25/09/2011 22:57

..even though they are 4.

She behaves what I would call brattishly. She openly tries to get dd into trouble by telling her to do things I've just asked her not to. DD doesn't listen to her but it pisses me off that she does this repeatedly and her parents stand by. She plays very roughly with dd and is sometimes downright nasty to my toddler ds (pulls his toys off him off him to make him cry, stamped on his fingers in the park the other week, pushes him over for no reason). Her parents either don't tell her off or they do and she ignores them and that's that. If I tell her off (which I did when she deliberately stamped on ds's fingers) I get cats bum face off the mum. I know it should be the parents I'm pissed off with (I also am) but I actually can't stand the child to the extent her voice grates on me when I hear it. I am trying to phase out the friendship but she seems to be everywhere we go and tries to invite herself to our house after school every day. I am of course as lovely to her as I am to my own dd even though when she tugs on me whining 'Panda' it is like nails down a blackboard in my brain!

Does anyone else feel like this about any of their young dcs friends? I feel genuine affection towards her other friends so it is quite uncomfortable for me to feel such intense dislike for a 4 year old!

OP posts:

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worraliberty · 25/09/2011 22:59

Oh yeah, God there are loads of kids I can't stand.

Oddly enough, some of them are almost 20 now and have grown into lovely young adults...but some of them I still can't bloody stand and have simply grown from being little shits to much bigger shits

chicletteeth · 25/09/2011 23:01

I kind of get your point but still think YABU.

SHE'S 4 FGS.

Intense dislike! Really?

I feel for the kid, she's gonna have a shit time in life if she's already disliked just for having crap parents.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:04

I think anyone who claims to like every single child in the world simply because they are 4yrs old is a liar quite frankly.

We're all human and if a child grates on you and you intensely dislike them...that's ok as long as the child doesn't get wind of it.

BimboNo5 · 25/09/2011 23:05

My DD has a 'friend' like this. Bosses her around, tells her other friends 'shes MY friend' and pulls her away from them, tells my DD to call me fat, pinches her and is generally a sod. Grr.

chicletteeth · 25/09/2011 23:06

Not sure if that was targetted at me worrabut if so, you've misunderstood my post. I wouldn't just like a kid because they were 4, but to instensely dislike them is harsh IMO.
That said, I don't intensely dislike anybody, so maybe it's just me.

Fecklessdizzy · 25/09/2011 23:07

Feel your pain ... One of DS's mates was a snooty little scrote who whinged all the time and looked down his nose at everything ... DS thought he was the bee's kneese though so I just had to grit my teeth and smile fixedly!

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:08

Fair point chicletteeth but one day you may just come across a 4yr old you intensely dislike with a passion and this conversation will come back to you.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow....but some day!

plupervert · 25/09/2011 23:10

Give the kid's mum a cat's bum face right back! Does she really think it's okay for your toddler to have his hand stamped on, or your DD to be pushed over? FFS, what a cow!

banana87 · 25/09/2011 23:12

The nice thing about your DD bring 4 is that you can "choose" her friends. My DD (2.11) had a friend who pushed her, hit her, destroyed our house with nothing said by her mum. We "shredded" and moved on! I will not have my DD bullied at such a young age.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 25/09/2011 23:12

Well chicleteeth I accept your point and you are obviously far more tolerant than I.
I'm afraid that when she has deliberately attacked my 18 month old for the umpteenth time in an hour I find it hard not to dislike her a hell of a lot. It just seems so wilfully nasty.
And I do realise that's it's because she's been taught no better but that could also be said for kids a lot older.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:13

You shredded the child?

Why were these machines not available when mine were little?

chicletteeth · 25/09/2011 23:13

Ah yes worra, it's true. I have 3 DS aged 6 and under right now and so spend half my life making sure they're all present with limbs attached and aren't face down eating dirt and as such, really don't pay much attention to their friends.

But you're right, I might meet a right little shit one of these days.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:14

To be honest I'd keep my child away from her as much as possible

And if the parents asked me why, I'd tell them straight "because she keeps deliberatly hurting my toddler"

Sometimes a bit of honesty is a wake up call for the parents too...although I'm sure they won't welcome it.

deleting · 25/09/2011 23:15

Absolutely understand what you mean. ds1 had a friend who was awful to him and did exactly the same thing. Would whisper things for him to say and get him to do things he knew would get him into trouble. Manipulative from a very young age (4). They went to the same school for a while, but when we moved ds to another school it was a relief that i didn't have to deal with it as much. I really couldn't stand him, he caused so much trouble and would really wind ds up and have him crying regularly. He did get told off, but it made no difference because she would never carry out the threats. She thought it was all normal behaviour, but I've never met anyone like him. Shame for him, but i didn't want ds to grow up thinking that's what friends do to each other, so we backed off and don't see them anymore.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 23:16

and so spend half my life making sure they're all present with limbs attached and aren't face down eating dirt and as such, really don't pay much attention to their friends

That has to be post of the week

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 25/09/2011 23:17

Seriously banana I am trying to put a distance between them but it's hard when they come out of school and she keeps asking to come to our house.
She doesn't have any other friends as far as I'm aware which doesn't surprise me as she's so rough with kids. The reason they started playing together is because I got talking to her mum at toddler group and she mentioned that she had no friends so I invited them round and now they're at the same school.

OP posts:

chicletteeth · 25/09/2011 23:18

Sexual read my last post. My opinion may well make more sense .

I have felt very cross towards little shits at soft play who have purposely injured or attempted to bully my boys. This is a hard task in itself due to their much larger than average size and the fact that they form their own little gang when one of them is confronted (although one little shit grabbed my 15 month old sons face and squeezed it hard for no reason which made me see red; his mothers obvious embarassment did make me feel better) but what can I say, I've just never intensely disliked a child.

I'm not judging you for your opinion, i just can't imagine it, but as worra says, there's time.

plupervert · 25/09/2011 23:20

Horrible children - or horrible phases - are one thing, but horrible parents are a lot more lasting. As is their children's horrible behaviour.

Fecklessdizzy · 25/09/2011 23:21

chicletteeth Just wait 'til they discover the gastronomic possibilities of worms ...

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 25/09/2011 23:22

I think the intense dislike is because I KNOW that she is shortly about to do something horrible. I mean all kids have their not-so-nice moments - mine included. But she really is something else. She has been through a lot though which I won't go into cos it will make us v.recognisable if her mum reads this!

OP posts:

plupervert · 25/09/2011 23:22

"his mothers obvious embarassment did make me feel better"

Thanks for confirming that, chicletteeth. I wasn't that specific mother, but have been the mortified one whose little darling has been shoving. I always hoped that the fact that I was trying to pull him up on it would allow us to be forgivable!

pigletmania · 25/09/2011 23:24

YANBU at all, some children are little sods, why should you like them if they are horrid to your kids. So what if she is 4, she can still be a little bugger who irritates the hell out of you. chicklit she is not disliked because of her parents, but her behaviour.

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royaljelly · 25/09/2011 23:25

I know how you feel SexualHarrassmentPandaPop I loathe one of my son's friends and have done since Primary school, (staff had specific instructions to send him to the HM after incidents of biting, fighting, stealing etc.). After stealing and some criminal damage to our car, (which his mum blames on ADHD), we have now banned him from the house. I must say he was always perfectly behaved in my dictatorship / home but if I wasn't there all hell seemed to break loose. This even resulted in my partner having to go round to his mum's one night, to no avail / discipline.

My son now occasionally hangs about with him but comes home at the first sign of trouble because he knows that if he is involved then he will be grounded / have the full punishment of them all; ie. graffiti - no other parents can be bothered to take responsibility... he will be cleaning it off on his own, plus writing a letter of apology + grounded for a week.

Best way to deal with an unsuitable friend is to let them take their punishment; They won't be friends for long.

iceandsliceplease · 25/09/2011 23:25

YANBU - DS has one friend I'm not keen on for many of the reasons you've given and whilst I know it's because of the parents and their ' ho hum, kids eh?' attitude when their DS has pushed DD over, or nicked DS's toys, or goaded DS into doing something, then grassed him up for doing it etc etc... BUT it's easier to just decide that actually I don't like how that friend behaves, so he's out of the picture as far as I'm concerned.

chicletteeth · 25/09/2011 23:26

Well lets face it, most kids act up some of the time, we must all have been the embarassed one at some point; at least at we've any humility we will have been.

I do get angry with parents who write off everything as being general childhish play and who really don't take it in hand. There are a few around, just like the parents described in the OP

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