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to think the only thing to do is not visit great-grandma...

(17 Posts)

I have gotten back from taking DS to see my nan today (therefore his great gran), where we went for lunch. I love my nan and want to see her as often as possible, especially as DS is her first DGGS. But shes ill - her memory is completely knackered sad

My aunty has had a problem before when she looks after my niece (not that IMO she should be looking after her, but anywho...) as she forgets she has fed her and gives her food constantly. My cousin now has some weight issues that are very much not helped by this.

Today she kept feeding my DS. I tried laughing and saying he wasnt hungry. And I tried telling her that he wasnt having food/was allergic to ice cream (!) and taking it off him. And i tried telling her that she was going to make him ill!! That he'd already eaten and she'd forgotten! Nothing works, she laughs like she is a naughty child and sneaks food to him. He walks out to the kitchen and comes back with two biscuits. She has some crazy ideas about healthy eating anyway, but the main problem is her memory. I would never leave DS alone with her, but even when I'm there its near impossible to stop her. And I'm not shy about telling her, that isnt the problem.

She wont visit my house, and doesnt leave the house too often any more (a few times a week but few social calls), so we have to go to her. But I feel the only thing I can do is stop visiting with DS... sad sad sad

PS want to emphasise I'm not being precious about junk food so will list what she gave/tried to give him today...
Cooked dinner, chicken and a sausage, veg, mash, gravy and yorkshire
Seconds from her cooked dinner
Apple crumble and custard
Straight after apple crumble - apple turnover with cream (this was the one we "fought" over, she was sneaking it straight into his mouth - he can feed himself! - and I was taking it off him and putting it in the bin)
A plain biscuit (thrown on floor and disposed of)
Two custard creams
An ice cream cornet (stern no. followed by opening of ice cream anyway, followed by me telling her he was allergic)
An apple
Another biscuit "for walking home"

DS is 1 next week by the way. Sorry for the huge post!!

hillyhilly Sun 25-Sep-11 21:54:44

It's not an ideal diet but for the odd day I think that especially as he will throw half of it on the floor, it's better that he builds a relationship with your nan.
It feels bad to you as you obviously feed him well but it really isn't going to harm him unless he is seeing her several times a week

LiegeAndLief Sun 25-Sep-11 21:57:12

Agree with hillyhilly. If you're round there every other day, then yes it's a problem. If you're going once a month, I'd put up with it. It's not that awful. Actually, I would have thought it was a lot worse when I only had one child, but it's amazing how low my standards have dropped with dc2!

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 21:57:46

I'm amazed your DS was actually still eating! My DS would be running away from that amount of food.

Watch her on the allergies front, but as for the rest, I think you will have to rely on him to run away from her. It seems a shame to have this added hassle on every visit, but an even greater shame to separate DS and his GGM.

LiegeAndLief Sun 25-Sep-11 21:58:06

Obviously giving him stuff he's allergic to is a real problem, but you managed to put a stop to that - I guess you never let him out of your sight when there!

Linnet Sun 25-Sep-11 21:58:13

If it's only once a week, I wouldn't worry about it too much although I do understand where you're coming from. My granny is the same with my children, therefore her great grandchildren, she will buy them sweets all the time, when we are at her house she will give them biscuits,ice cream, cakes, crisps,fizzy drinks etc. If I say no as dd2 did not enough of her lunch/dinner she will say that a child musn't go hungry then give her something to eat,drives me insane. I think it's a generational thing to be honest.

Birdsgottafly Sun 25-Sep-11 22:03:32

You have to take control of the visit and supervise your DS. She has a MH problem (caused by age), so you shouldn't be leaving him alone with her as if you only see her once a month you don't really know how she is.

If it becomes to difficult then you will have to consider visiting without him, if her memory is that bad she may not remember when she has seen him, anyway. You should be enjoying seeing her, if this isn't happening then don't take him.

I can deal with it as a generation thing, my grandad (other side) is like that, its her memory thats a problem, she'll insist that he hasnt eaten anything so HAS to have a cream cake etc.
Btw, hes not allergic to ice cream, I said that as she wouldnt listen that he didnt want it, should have made that clearer (he does have an allergy to something in yoghurts though, so I'm not completely making it up)

And DS is a hoover. He will eat and eat with seemingly no end not unlike his mum

Birds , she does insist she hasnt seen us for months, when we've seen her a few days before... sad

MyDaydream Sun 25-Sep-11 22:08:14

My grandma always fed me up, she always had stuff in, made a big dinner with dessert, cakes afterwards, biscuits with cups of tea then she'd send my dad up to the shop for sweets later on too. I ate a lot of food there, but it wasn't a regular meal for me. I'd say it's more important for DS to spend time with his grandma, if your always there to see what's going in him, no harm will come.

Kladdkaka Sun 25-Sep-11 22:10:18

She must be related to my mum. Apparantly the more junk food you can stuff inside a young child the better. She spent a whole weekend there once and was fed nothing but jam doughnuts and custard tarts. shock

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:10:38

Surely if he eats and eats he will sleep well! wink I absolutely love it when DS gets into a growth spurt and starts eating like crazy!

I'm sorry to mention this, but your GM won't be around forever, and your time with your aunt will lessen after that, so it seems unlikely your DS could get into the same problems as your cousin who, after all, lived with her mother and had much more exposure to an unhealthy attitude to food... You can protect your own child from the same fate; please don't fear the effects of such a small amount of time exposed to your aunt.

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:13:18

Oh, sorry, am I getting the wrong end of the stick about your aunt/GM? There wasn't a very clear transition between the aunt/eating disorder cousin and the "she" who has been feeding your DS.

Apologies to your aunt if so! But if it is your GM, the exposure your son will have to such unhealthy habits is, sadly, likely to be even more limited. sad

plupervert - someone should tell him that, hes running round my living room blowing raspberries

Sorry, my OP was a little ranty and hard to read... grin
My nan feeds my cousin, who is my aunts daughter (well, actually my uncles daughter, shes my aunty by marriage but now she has custody of her kids). My aunty has her own food issues, but they're not to do with my nan!

My cousin is morbidly obese at 6yo as she spends most of her time at my nans house.

storminabuttercup Sun 25-Sep-11 22:19:51

I would let it go except for anything he is allergic to, IMO not worth not seeing grandma because of this! Your DS sounds like mine, mine will eat and eat, but it's not every day, she's not feeding him anything too bad, maybe a bit too much sugar but again it's only once in a while! Can you distract her by getting them to play?

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:27:59

Maybe you could go at a different time of day?

Or be more pro-active in clearing the table of food? That could combine with storminabuttercup's suggestion about playing. Sorry it would have to be you managing the transition away from food (Sod's Law says she doesn't have a dishwasher), but if you are really worried about the food, you could console yourself with helping your DS and cousin (aunt's DD - yes?).

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