Talk

Advanced search

To think my dh is a selfish twat?

(50 Posts)
pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:07:14

Dh not well. Man fluhmm We have all had it over the past few weeks-I had it last week. He took friday off and spent the day lying on the couch,hogging the remote and moaning at the dcs playing.

Saturdays the kids have activities. I take 2 of them and he takes the eldest. Yesterday he makes a big deal out of wheezing/sighing and basically being a martyr. I pointed out that he did not have to take ds-could miss his activity-I am unable to take him as dont drive. He chose to take him.

Today 2 of them have another activity-which he usually takes them too as I go with the youngest to his parents-every sunday and he meets us there. This is his choice btw. He asks me if I mind taking them.

Now finally for the aibu?-dont mind taking the kids-have taken them in the past when dh wanted to watch football,have a day off etc. However it is a 40 minute walk-we all got absolutely drenched on the way home.

He never offers to take the kids when I am ill-such as last weekend when I just had to get on with it. Is quite happy for us all to get soaked so long as he is ok. Had no money for public transport before anyone pipes up with that.

Has never once offered me a lift-anywhere. Now I am far from precious-the dcs and I are well used to walking for up to a couple of hours to get to where we want to go or using public transport. However when I have been on nights out with friends their dh are more than happy to drop them off/pick them up-is this normal? sorry off topic but am pissed off with it all.

I am bu arent I?<sniffs>

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:09:22

You say he never offers, but have you actually asked?

Tryharder Sun 25-Sep-11 16:10:50

YANBU. I would expect my DH to pick me up in those circumstances and he would expect me to as well.

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Sep-11 16:13:03

He was BU expecting the world to revolve around him when he could have got himself off to bed.

And you're BU waiting for him to offer to give you a lift.

I don't drive either and walk to most places, but I wouldn't really ask DH to give me a lift somewhere as such, I kind of let him know I need a lift and tell him the day/time etc.

He'd never offer or anything, the car is his, but it and him are at my disposal IYSWIM?

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:15:04

Yes I have asked him very occasionally but he makes such a big deal out of it then I usually just end up either walking or using public transport. Why should I have to beg him for a common courtesy though? judging by my friends dh they dont have to do that.

Its his whole attitude-he is sitting there feeling sorry for himself. Showed absolutely no concern for the dcs when they came in absolutely drenched-even though they were ill last week. As I said he didnt offer to help me last weekend when I was ill-never has.

lesley33 Sun 25-Sep-11 16:15:49

My OH is happy to pick me up/drop me off as long as it isnt a major inconvenience. He should be happy to do this.

In terms of whether he should have given you and DC a lift when he was ill - that is hard to say. If he was feeling really ill and found it difficult to concentrate, it could be dangerous to drive. I drive and when I have felt really bad I wouldn't want to drive because of safety concerns.

If this wasn't an issue then he should have given you a lift.

lesley33 Sun 25-Sep-11 16:16:41

He sounds quite selfish

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:17:18

He does sounds like a selfish twat in that case. YANBU.

If I were you, I would get some driving lessons and get your independence from him.

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:18:45

lesley-he drove yesterday. Was more than happy to do that even though he was ill as he enjoys being involved in that activity. He could have drove today-its 5 min in car so could have at least dropped us off. It really isnt about the walking or the getting wet-well used to both!-again its just his attitude.

He is now giving me evil looks because I have told dcs to tidy their rooms and they are creating havoc-am leaving them too it as really cant be arsed.

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Sep-11 16:20:51

What does he do when he's making a big deal of driving you somewhere?

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:21:39

squeaky-cant afford to learn to drive. Plus if I did I know he would fully expect me to then become his taxi driver. As I said we go to his parents for dinner every sunday-at his instistence-if I drove then he would use it as an excuse to get pissed and yet again I would be left in charge of dcssad

SuchProspects Sun 25-Sep-11 16:22:20

He should give you lifts without it being a big deal. And mothers seem to do a lot more of the just getting on with it while they are ill htan fathers do - it's down to sexist assumptions about childcare being a natural part of women's lives but not men's. And he is BU to fall back on that even though lots of people do.

On the other hand YABU not learning to drive (unless there's a medical reason for it) and then being upset because he won't give lifts. Get your license so you can drive off and leave him "dying" on the couch whenever you want. grin

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Sep-11 16:23:17

I would have called DH to come and pick us up if I had a long with with the DDs in the rain and he was just languishing on the setee.

Why didn't you ring him?

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:24:54

agent-basically moans-a lot! goes on and on about how much he hates driving,makes pointed comments about public transport,mutters under his breath-all really juvenile stuff but it gets to me!

I asked him for a lift a couple of months ago as our dd had been invited to a party in a place with no public transport near it. He moaned like hell-tried to get out of it by saying he didnt know where it was even though address was on invite and I had looked it up online!

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:24:57

Cant affording is a valid reason, but I would certainly start putting a bit of money away if you can, and ask for driving lessons for xmas or birthdays from anyone who gives you a present.

As for him expecting you to be a taxi driver, there is an easy word there. "no".

It sounds like there are quite a few underlying tensions in this relationship, not just the driving, but driving really will give you a massive difference in the quality of life you can have, and your freedom.

SuchProspects Sun 25-Sep-11 16:25:05

x-post.

You can start learning by just getting your learners and driving his car when you go out together - it wouldn't really cost any extra and he would have to stay sober for that. Once you have your license you just refuse to be the taxi driver. Tell him straight out you will not drive him when he's drunk any more than he drives you when you're drunk - and stick to it. You could leave him at his parents a few times...

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:25:50

agent-he would have just ignored the phone because he would know it was us!

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:27:45

suchprospects-there is no way I would let him twach me to drive-he has severe road rage!

fluffles Sun 25-Sep-11 16:29:00

i don't know, i'm feeling more sympathetic than usual because my eyes are streaming with the cold and i couldn't drive anywhere today....

i think that people can be a bit selfish when they're ill and that mum's who struggle on regardless without slowing down at all are a bit martyr-ish.. it's ok for people to miss activities or things to not get done when you have a cold.

CurrySpice Sun 25-Sep-11 16:29:39

I am aghast that he would let you and DCs walk 45 minutes in the pouring rain when it is a 5 minute drive for him. That is appalling and YANBU

My DP would go out of his way to give me or the DPs a lift and I would do the same for him.

He sounds like a selfish arse

fluffles Sun 25-Sep-11 16:29:54

aaarggghhhh mums not mum's sooo sooo blush blush blush <blames the streaming eyes and woman-flu>

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Sep-11 16:31:20

Is it because he genuinely doesn't like driving?

I can drive, I've just never past my test, but if I did, I'd be exactly the same as your DH and never want to be on the roads with the absolute morons I see out and about.

And I'd have no idea where I was going either <hopeless>

Agree with squeaky that you'd need to give him a dose of his own medicine and say no to being his taxi, plus get him to go to his parents with the DC on his own if you don't fancy it every weekend.

It'd give you a bit of peace and quiet, and him some quality bonding time with the DC grin

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Sep-11 16:32:33

X-posts.

Aha, 'he has severe road rage!' more evidence that driving totally stresses him out.

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:33:32

curry eldest ds didnt even have a jacket! I put one under the pram for him but he sneaked it out before we left as he is at that age when jackets are for cissieshmm so you can imagine how wet he was!-had to towel dry him when we got in and popped him into his fleecy pjs as dont want them ill again.

pink4ever Sun 25-Sep-11 16:36:27

agent-no tis true he doesnt like driving but when I talk about asking him for a lift I can count on one hand the amount of times and we have been married 10 years!

Plus he could offer to pay for driving lessons for me but doesnt so obviously thats his choice.

I am also taking steps to put a stop to the going to the inlaws every weekend thanks to some good advice on here!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now