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or is it OK for a bloke to stay out all night?

(101 Posts)
BoastingByStealth Sun 25-Sep-11 15:47:49

We don't live together, but he stays most nights.

When he goes out with his friends he ALWAYS "falls asleep" and never makes it home. He claims he has alcohol induced narcolepsy.
It has bothered me, so I asked him not to stay at my house when he's going out with his mates, then I'm not waiting up all night for him to not come home.

This has caused arguements "You make out I do it EVERY time" ........"You do"..... "oh for fuck's sake, drop it will you, it was AGES ago, and [his Get Out Of Jail Free Card] WE DON'T EVEN LIVE TOGETHER "

The week after he'd done it again, and was going out again, I told him "Don't say you're sleeping here when you're out drinking. You always forget where you're sleeping, I'm fed up of waiting up all night. Just go home" And what do you know, that one night was the ONE night he made it back, at 12:30am banging on my door because I'd locked it and left the key in. And he fell out with me for locking him out!

Twice I was waiting in for him to fetch us a take away up, he was only having two pints after work....once, I'd rung him at 7pm asking him to fetch a loaf of bread, he said he was having one more pint then he'd be up.....it was 2pm the next day when he showed up.

Twice, early in the relationship he even phoned me up at 1am ish drunk out of his skull and said "can I come to yours?"

I said "yea, I'll go down and unlock the door for you"

He said "ok I'll get a taxi up now"
and ....forgot.

Friday was poker at a friend's. We had the usual ME:"Are you going to remember where you're supposed to be sleeping?"......HIM:"YEEEEEES! God, tut, sigh" and he a text at 8pm saying he'd be getting a taxi at midnight with another guy. Turned up at 9am Saturday, and all Saturday he's moping round my house coz he's tired and hungover.
I got pissed off with him today and he said "Give it a rest". He hasn't even apologised. So I've chucked him out.

Whenever I'm out he's on the bloody phone to me CONSTANTLY. I NEVER phone or text him to chase him around when he's AWOL
Anyway, I just wanted to rant. Guy's an (stolen from another thread, thanks Nina1980) EPIC twat
AIBU?

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 15:49:55

He isnt giving you any committment, so why are you bothering with him. He is (and sorry to be blunt here) using you for a shag and probably a chef.. I cant see any redeeming qualities here.

floosiemcwoosie Sun 25-Sep-11 15:51:58

I would just tell him not to come round when he is drunk then you dont need to wait up

also tell him you dont want to see him when he is hungover, you have other plans

Time to be a bit less available i think

booyhoo Sun 25-Sep-11 15:52:27

YANBU

he is an epic twat. what the hell is with him suddenly rememberng to come back to yours the one night you specifically told him not to? that,to me, is quite calculating. (on his part,not yours) it's like he wated to manufacture the row.

TheFlyingOnion Sun 25-Sep-11 15:52:41

he sounds like an absolute tit.

Why are you with him?

MollieO Sun 25-Sep-11 15:54:41

He's not an epic twat he is a cock lodger.

BoastingByStealth Sun 25-Sep-11 15:55:28

Oh, fuck knows, onion

He's just a habit I need to break I think.

I asked him today if he didn't think I could do better? Did I not DESERVE better?

So now he's accusing me of having someone else.

msmiggins Sun 25-Sep-11 15:55:45

I would echo the other posters.

Men only treat us like this if we allow them to.

Don't behave like a doormat and he won't treat you like one.

dreamingbohemian Sun 25-Sep-11 15:56:26

seriously? break up with him. Life's too short for so much stupidity.

If he really cared about you he wouldn't disrespect you like this.

stripeybump Sun 25-Sep-11 15:57:58

grin at alcohol induced narcolepsy

MurunBuchstansangur Sun 25-Sep-11 15:58:15

I don't get why he would stay at yours if he's been out without you.

Why would you want a farting man smell in your bedroom festering away his hangover if you don't live together.

Not living together is supposed to get you all the good bits none of the shit bits.

Tell him if he goes out without you, he can't stay at yours.

LapsedPacifist Sun 25-Sep-11 15:58:56

Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who has a drink problem?

booyhoo Sun 25-Sep-11 16:01:34

eugh!! dump him. you sooo know you can do better.

BoastingByStealth Sun 25-Sep-11 16:01:50

cocklodger
Indeed. Actually complained that he'd had to buy his own pizza Sat night (coz I got fed up of looking at his face so went to my sister's for three whole hours)

AND has complained that I "expect housekeeping off him" Which is NOT true, I've NEVER asked him for money, (he's a tight arse) but I HAVE got sick of him keep eating all my food and getting me to buy all the beers and take aways so made HIM pay a couple of times recently.

I know, I've allowed it. But being on here, lurking on AIBU and relationships threads and seeing the advice reinforces what I know to be wrong.

dreamingbohemian Sun 25-Sep-11 16:07:54

Wow, textbook cocklodger!

Of course you can do better! I mean, you can hardly do worse.

Seriously: dump him. Get your flat and your life back and move on.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Sun 25-Sep-11 16:09:31

Dump him and find someone who respects you.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:10:45

How long -has he been a drain on you-- have you been together?

BoastingByStealth Sun 25-Sep-11 16:15:56

Off - and - on for 6 years sad

AmberLeaf Sun 25-Sep-11 16:18:08

Whenever I'm out he's on the bloody phone to me CONSTANTLY

That for me is the most telling point.

Cock lodger...paranoid cocklodger.

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:18:15

Next time it is off, I say keep it off. I would say you can do better, and I am damn sure you can, but having nobody would be better than having someone like this in your life.

gallicgirl Sun 25-Sep-11 16:20:27

Sounds to be about 5 years too long.

pineapple70 Sun 25-Sep-11 16:22:36

6 years is a long time. You could be with someone much nicer who shows you more respect than this. He sounds like a total pisstaker. Expect an demand better...

booyhoo Sun 25-Sep-11 16:22:59

it desn't sound like you have any affection or love for him at all (i dont blame you at all for that) so why stay with him?

BoastingByStealth Sun 25-Sep-11 16:23:55

Our 3 year old son.

Casmama Sun 25-Sep-11 16:24:25

If this relationship was worth having it would have progresses beyond staying at each others houses in 6 years. Or more to the point him staying at yours and eating your food and drinking your drink. He has probably saved himself a fortune and had sex on tap too. Please dont tell me you do his washing as well.
Honestly, get rid, don't waste any more of your time on this twat when you could be out meeting someone who would see how special you are and treat you accordingly.

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