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To think that buying things for the house should be a joint expense?

(24 Posts)
pallymama Sun 25-Sep-11 15:00:30

Quick bit of background, DH and I have joint finances but individual spending money that goes into our own accounts. We've just re-organised our budget, DH was handling the money side of things but we weren't saving anything, and DH has somehow managed to run up the overdrafts, hmm but that's another thread! So now most of our left over money(after bills etc) is going into quickly paying off the overspend, and we each have £100 spending money a month.

Today we went shopping and ended up buying some shelves we've needed for a while. (We got the ones DH chose) We got a few other bits, some of which DH picked up. At the till, we put it all through together and I paid for it all. On the way home I cheerily ask DH if I'm actually paying for it all. Turns out he thinks I should, but when asked directly he can't explain why he thinks that fair. angry He then huffily tells me that he'll pay for some of it if I "really want him to". I wouldn't expect him to cough up for things that I want but we don't need, but when it comes to replacing broken furniture and a cracked chopping board I'd have thought the cost should be split. Alternatively we could each have less spending money, but put some in a pot for things like this. DH isn't keen on either option! He's now sulking in the other room.

AIBU to think that things we both need should be bought jointly? Or am I being greedy in expecting DH to chip in?

PS Sorry, this turned out to be a bit longer than I expected! confused

eurochick Sun 25-Sep-11 15:09:38

Yes of course things for the house should be bought jointly. You both live there after all. Did he offer any justification for why he thinks it should be your expense?

slavetofilofax Sun 25-Sep-11 15:11:09

YANBU

My friend has this problem with her dp. She basically thinks, like you, that things that are needed for the house should come out of joint money, but things she wants for the house should be at her own cost. The problem comes when they disagree on what they actually need.

She would say that a cracked chopping board needs to be replaced, he would say that they could do without or go and get a cheaper one than the one she wants. She complains about this A LOT!

My feelings is that it should come out of joint money, and you should compromise and both agree on the type of chopping board (or whatever) that you are going to buy.

rubyslippers Sun 25-Sep-11 15:11:37

Second thread I have read today on this

You both live in the house

You are a partnership

Why the quibbling?

He's going to sit on the furniture?

Tell your DH to stop huffing

CocktailQueen Sun 25-Sep-11 15:30:21

No, YANBU! Your dh is being odd and U. Hope you get it sorted!

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 15:35:44

You have joint finances... so does it really matter whether it came out of your purse, or his wallet? Next time something is needed, it is "his" turn... just make sure it is more expensive than the shelves... absolutely no need to turn it into an argument.

RVF400 Sun 25-Sep-11 15:41:50

YANBU
DH and I have exactly the same system for our finances but all house stuff comes out of our joint account. Mind you, DH is rather over-enthusiatic with his DIY and spends more than he realises on shelves, door handles etc. which sometimes makes us go overdrawn. I then get cross as I do the finances.

troisgarcons Sun 25-Sep-11 15:42:18

Dear god, can you imagine the divorce and who owns the chopping board ....

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Sun 25-Sep-11 16:37:00

YANBU Tell him to grow up.

londontoyco Sun 25-Sep-11 16:39:25

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

valiumredhead Sun 25-Sep-11 16:41:12

Why doesn't all your money come from one big 'pot?' if it is joint money? Would save on silly squabbles wouldn't it?

ilove Sun 25-Sep-11 16:43:47

Tracey you have to pay to advertise on MN. Reported your post.

ShoutyHamster Sun 25-Sep-11 16:45:43

How weird. He lives there, yes? Makes him sound like a teenager ('I'll be using the chopping board/shelves/loo roll of course - but I don't want to pay for it out of my pocket money, ooh that wouldn't be fair, that's for sweeties and x-box games for meeee')

Time to grow up alas, pallymama's DH!

ShoutyHamster Sun 25-Sep-11 16:46:26

Yes Tracey you have broken the rules and now you will feel the pain of retribution grin

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:50:30

yeah tracey... do one!

wwwww.squeakyTOY.com grin

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 16:51:00

dont report me.. its not real.. grin

Portofino Sun 25-Sep-11 16:52:55

grin www.portofino.it

fatlazymummy Sun 25-Sep-11 17:56:23

Basic things such as chopping boards and shelves should definitely come out of joint money. I suppose it if it was a luxury item that only one of you really wanted then it would be reasonable to expect that that person should pay for it.

pallymama Sun 25-Sep-11 18:07:41

Thank you all for your replies.
Squeakytoy- I paid for it on my card. If it's all joint, it comes out of the joint account, but some of it was just for me, so it came out of one of my own accoun. We'd usually move money over afterwards in that case.
Rubyslippers- I sure hope he isn't going to sit on it! It's shelves! smile

It is all sorted though. DH apologised, and said he knew he wasn't being fair. He was tired and grumpy and looking for an arguement. He was looking pretty sheepish about it too. OHe's obviously feeling a bit guilty as he's said he's going to tidy up after dinner, and do bathtime while I have a cup of tea and mumsnet. grin

MissTapestry Mon 26-Sep-11 18:33:35

Do people really do this? In our house all money is our money, it doesn't matter who earns it or who spends more each month, as long as we stay mostly in credit we don't think about it. Seriously, I can't imagine divvying it out like pocket money! grin

marialuisa Mon 26-Sep-11 18:42:09

Well, we have a similar financial arrangement and things that are for the house or DD get split 50:50 and noted. We then look at the totals at the end of the month and pay each other back accordingly. Occasionally one of us wants to buy a more expenive item than the other, e.g. DH wanted an expensive TV, so I paid half the cost of a more "average" TV and he topped it up. Might seem mean, such as when we're noting "£2 mouthguard for DD" but it works for us.

Whatmeworry Mon 26-Sep-11 18:47:19

I don't know how people can operate a marriage without pooled money, maybe except for each having a "spending money" pot for themselves and themselves only.

pallymama Tue 27-Sep-11 08:53:36

MissTapestry - As I said in the OP, we've just re-organised this way as DH has somehow run up our overdrafts.hmm We did the "one big pot" thing, but it didn't work for us. The idea was taken from lots of posts on here, so yes, people really do do this. grin

Whatmeworry - We do just that. All pooled, except for our own spending money.

marialuisa - DH is also eyeing up an expensive TV atm! I like your idea there, might see what DH thinks.smile

MissTapestry Tue 27-Sep-11 17:47:31

Oh pallymama, I did read the OP, and I wasn't having a go, I just genuinely hadn't thought about doing it any other way grin
<slinks off to reorganise finances>

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