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Dh and dd's invited for dinner but not me.

(49 Posts)
tah2 Sun 25-Sep-11 11:25:57

That's about it really. Mil has invited dh and dd's over for a roast dinner but not me. She says it's because I don't eat lamb and she has bought a large leg of lamb and it's too much for her and her dh. Plus it would be doing me a favour because I spend a lot of time planning my work for school every Sunday so I will be able to do it in peace. When dh tried to say she wasn't doing us a favour because I still had to eat she still didn't offer for mr to join them. After much persuasion she said I could go too but we politely declined.

cjbartlett Sun 25-Sep-11 11:27:26

What a bitch

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 25-Sep-11 11:27:48

LOL... You have to give her 10 out of 10 for the warped logic. "I'll cook far too big a piece of meat and then invite everyone over except tah to eat it because she doesn't like it"... Do you get on ordinarily?

worraliberty Sun 25-Sep-11 11:28:19

I suppose it makes sense in her mind maybe?

You could carry on working and fix yourself something easy to eat and get a bit of peace and quiet.

Personally, I would have offered for you to come and eat everything barring the meat...that way you'd have a choice.

I suppose only you know if she's being mean or being short sighted?

Catslikehats Sun 25-Sep-11 11:28:22

How very strange.

thisisyesterday Sun 25-Sep-11 11:30:05

jeez.. weird!
do yo normally get on with her?

ginmakesitallok Sun 25-Sep-11 11:30:33

We go to MILs EVERY Saturday for our tea - it would be wonderful if DP would go on his own with the DDs, I'd eat toast and lie in front of the telly in peace for a couple of hours....envy that you're not invited! grin

tah2 Sun 25-Sep-11 11:33:35

Mil is always very civil to my face but always moans about me ( and everyone else) behind their back. Usually moans that I don't feed her ds properly or make him packed lunches for work every day.

YellowDave Sun 25-Sep-11 11:33:36

I think this entirely depends on what your relationship is usually like.

If this is a one off and you usually get on I would presume that she meant well and thought she was doing you a favour by giving you a break to get your stuff done. And while you still have to eat you would make something quick and easy and have plenty of time to do your work too. In her shoes I'd have said to your dh 'you and the girls are welcome to come over but we've got lamb which I know tah doesn't like. If she wants to come and just have veg she is very welcome but if she'd like to take the opportunity to have some quiet time to maybe do her work prep then thats fine too'. But I don't think your mil is an evil bitch because she didn't present it like this.

If she is constantly trying to get dh and dds alone and is generally excluding and funny with you you might have a point. But only if there is some back story here.

ColdSancerre Sun 25-Sep-11 11:34:45

How rude. Is she always like that?

IRCL Sun 25-Sep-11 11:34:47

Hmm, is there not an alternative to Lamb? confused

Sounds like a really bad excuse not to have you there!

YellowDave Sun 25-Sep-11 11:35:35

cross posted... If she moans about everyone and not just you then I don't think this is a slight to you - the moaning is just her personality isn't it?

If I were you I owuld have been delighted to have a couple of hours to myself whether or not I had work to do!

larrygrylls Sun 25-Sep-11 11:37:06

I don't understand why people get themselves so worked up about things like this. In all relationships you have to draw your own boundaries, don't wait for it to be done for you.

"On Sunday we like to eat together as a family and so apologise for none of us being able to come". No more discussion, end of debate. She won't do it again....unless she really really likes cold lamb.

MumblingRagDoll Sun 25-Sep-11 11:39:12

Is she getting a bit doo-lally? Sounds VERY weird.

YellowDave Sun 25-Sep-11 11:45:09

If like larrygryls says you liek to eat together on a Sunday then fair enough to decline too - depends on what you and your family want to do really.

But I am amazed at the ability of people on this thread so see only the bad side - I don't think mil is necessarily unreasonable to do this at all!

certianly though this is very AIBU - yes lets see the bad in EVERYONE without any real justification when the OP hasn't given enough information to make that judgement. She may be an evil bitch. She may also be a thoughtful mil who is not very good at the presentation - much like mine.

ImperialBlether Sun 25-Sep-11 12:04:14

Am I the only one who would want to see my children without their partners at times, no matter how much I liked the partners?

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 25-Sep-11 12:07:34

I'd stay at home, get the planning done and eat a cheese sandwich. Sounds lovely.

I don't think MIL has evil intentions here.

lildeg Sun 25-Sep-11 12:10:16

I'd roll up with a pre cooked chicken in a bag and a mahoosive HIYAAAA

squeakytoy Sun 25-Sep-11 12:11:09

I dont see evil intentions either.

MIL buys meat, that SHE likes. MIL then realises there would be enough to feed her son and grandchild (who also like it), MIL knows that her DIL struggles to get any peace on a Sunday to get work done, and thinks.. "I know, I will as son over, he can bring child, DIL can have a bit of peace for a nice change"..

pigletmania Sun 25-Sep-11 12:17:28

That so rude, its for you to make that decision not her! I am glad you all declined how awful. my MIL total opposite, would love to cook for us all and for us to eat with her and FIL

HairyGrotter Sun 25-Sep-11 12:20:08

I don't see any ill intentions either, I'd be grateful for the break if I'm honest. My sister and mother take DD off to their house and cook her some wonderful meals, I'm rarely invited ha, I don't mind, gives me a much needed break to get stuff done.

CardyMow Sun 25-Sep-11 12:20:13

ImperialBlether - I would never expect my dc when they are adults to swan off to spend time alone with Mummy when they have their own family - it would be an intvite including ALL of my dc's family or not at all. Why should, say, DS1's wife be left at home, on one of DS1's few days off work, to do all the childcare, and get no free time herself - when I could invite all of them, and have a lovely, chatty family meal?

I am determined NOT to be a nightmare MIL. And my dc are only 13yo, 9yo, 7yo and 8mo.

FabbyChic Sun 25-Sep-11 12:20:47

mmmm Roast Lamb!

CeliaFate Sun 25-Sep-11 12:21:01

Good God, that's so rude! I'm glad your dh declined for all of you. Even if her intentions were for you to have a bit of peace and quiet, that's your decision to make, not hers. I can't get over that - I would be fuming!

blackeyedsusan Sun 25-Sep-11 12:27:10

planning in peace sounds a very good idea to me. just sounds like she was trying to help you out. think she should have asked which you would have preferred though.

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