Is it him...or me??(6 Posts)
Long story short I work from home doing the family online business and do a few hours a week in a shop.
On Friday DP raged at me that I would rather spend time with my Mum than with him, which of course isn't true. Everytime we have an arguement, he always blames my mum and says shes at the bottom of the problem - Not true. He has a strained relationship with his mum as sees her about once a month.
Bit of background, when DD was born we lived with my parents (financial probs) and moved to a house down the street when she was 10 months old. My mum works away 9 months our of 12 and I am a carer for my terminally ill Dad - My mum has to work or else no money comes in. So I look after my Dad, help to run the business, look after DD and run DP about everywhere as he can't drive. I am under a lot of pressure, but I just want everyone to be happy.
So on Friday DP raged that I would rather be "At your F***king Mums than spending time with me", and "We never do anything just the 3 of us" - he forgets that every single weekend I make sure we go out as a family (just the 3 of us) even if it's just for a walk with the dog.
I've explained that I need to do the business for the £££ and plus I enjoy doing it. DD is a very happy child who gets to see her grandparents whilst I do some work. I try so hard to keep a good balance between work and family and DP said my Mum is too controlling and she needs to know what I'm doing etc... To an extent this is true, as my mum once said she wanted to know what I was doing as her Mum never did. I need to talk to her a least a few times a day for work, but I like to talk about normal life things. DP tends to over exaggerate to suit his needs, and refuses to listen to any reason.
I can't tell my Mum about the argument as then I will have to explain the whole thing and she doesn't know how DP feels, and will be hurt but on the other hand I don't want DP to be unhappy?? Help!!
Mousse, reading your post and trying to understand it. First, I think most people would say it's great that your DH wants to spend time with you. Second, it's not clear how much time you guys do sped by yourselves. Surely you don't spend all week with your parents apart from 'a walk with the dog'? Third, it sounds like he is asking for more time together as a family. Is this something you object to?
It sounds like your DH thinks you are doing too much for your mum. Perhaps he feels she should deal with your dad and face up to the situation and be at home all the time? He may feel agrieved that you are doing so much and under pressure? he may not understand why you do stuff for you parents as he has a different relationship with his mum?
Does your dp work long hours? Can you change when you see your parents so it is not when he is at home?
If she works away for 9 months out of 12, then I dont see how you can be spending too much time with her
Looking after a terminally ill relative is also a tremendous strain, never mind when you have a smal child to look after too, and trying to work as well, no wonder you feel under pressure.
Your partner sounds very thoughtless, and seems to be projecting his own issues with his mother onto you. Possibly jealousy that you have a good relationship with your mum, and he doesnt with his own.
It seems to me that your partner needs to do a bit of growing up, and support you rather than rant at you, and from what you have posted you certainly dont sound unreasonable at all.
Is your partner working?
Also I assume your dc is a toddler now so a family outing of a walk with the dog is a bit boring.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It sounds very stressful.
A big imbalance is present in your post, however, and I wonder if that reflects how your DP sees your lives?
You don't mention what he does for a living, or for you and DD. It's all about you.
I'd need to know more about his p.o.v. to consider who's BU here.
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